Manipulative charge nurse - page 2

HELP! Question for you all....I have a charge nurse, who is also a friend outside of work. She had a July 4th party and invited me. I didn't go - I worked today and was tired. I told her as much,... Read More

  1. by   magRN
    Some friend.............one of my older brother's also told me long ago Never to think of the people you work with as true friends...they will turn on you quicker than anything.

    Always be friendly, but careful at work!
  2. by   WinkRN
    Thanks all...great advice. I think it's time to break the ties. (FYI passing thru - I was tired - I had just gotten done working a 12 hour shift, which as we all know is really at least 13 when all is said and done.) She has also taken to a nasty habit recently of talking about my coworkers to me - not professional at all - in or out of work.

    Also, my husband had even told her NO earlier in the day. Oh well, lesson learned. Thanks again.
  3. by   jnette
    Originally posted by WinkRN
    She has also taken to a nasty habit recently of talking about my coworkers to me - not professional at all - in or out of work.
    I'd be watching this person verrrrrrrrry carefully ! Don't like the sound of ANY of her actions ! Spells trouble to me...
  4. by   night owl
    originally posted by winkrn

    she called me on the phone and said, "if you come i will do anything for you, if you don't i can make things difficult for you".
    would you threaten your friends with that line if you had a party?
    red flag!it means that you're being bullied. a bully is someone who makes or tries to make you do things you don't want to do or threatens you and makes you feel uncomfortable. beware! she just might make your life miserable from now on since you didn't attend her party. she knows where you live and she has your number. she's what they call an "occupational hazard." the first sign of any trouble from her, get out of there...it will only get worse, and i mean worse.
    Last edit by night owl on Jul 6, '03
  5. by   Milehighnurse
    Originally posted by WinkRN
    HELP! Question for you all....I have a charge nurse, who is also a friend outside of work. She had a July 4th party and invited me. I didn't go - I worked today and was tired. I told her as much, and she came to my house anyway to pick me up!!! I still didn't go so she called me on the phone and said, "if you come I will do anything for you, if you don't I can make things difficult for you". What the ## does this mean?? I'm perplexed and concerned. Any advice out there would be much appreciated.....
    Just a piece of advice I have learned from experience- NEVER party with the people you work with. It'll save yourself ALOT of headaches and heartaches.
  6. by   mother/babyRN
    Well, although I disagree with the notion that you can't be friends AND coworkers, since, at both facilities I work at, we are a close contingent and socialize on a frequent basis, I do have to say the situation you describe seems reminicent of some scenarios I have seen connected with both obcession and stalking....
  7. by   Agnus
    Initially I would tell her, "I am going to assume that you are joking and not actually threatening me." This gives her a way to save face and can serve to put her on notice, if she is smart enough to catch on, that you might take action of your own if she threatens you again.
    Maybe she is joking. If she says yes, then I would watch cautiously.
    Since this is now past. I might say something like, "I wasn't sure how to take you when you said you could make things difficult for me. I hope that you were not actually threatening me and were only joking."
    I might even leave off this last sentence and see how she respond to, "I did not know how to take it." If she lets you know that she meant it then you best be documenting and looking for another job. I might let her know that You do not accept threats.
  8. by   mattsmom81
    Great response Agnus, ITA!!

    As someone who tried to make things work(and lived to regret it) with a similar manipulative boss with lack of boundaries, I also want to add my advice of caution here, Wink.

    Your warning sirens are sounding...you are wise to heed them.
    Last edit by mattsmom81 on Jul 6, '03

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