***Edit: This whole plan is based on no children. I have yet, hopefully soon
, to learn the joys of working little ones into this equation***
Change your schedule.
A possible approach might be to group your days, three on four off, if possible. Talk to you manager and tell her/him the stress you are under and see if it can be done. Three in a row is draining but four off is rejuvenating.
Pay attention to your sleep schedules.
Try flipping your schedule on your off days as my friend does. Come home, sleep from 9/10-2. Get up and back to bed around 10pm. By the next day you are up and ready to go by 9am or so. Then a night before you go back to work try staying up no later than 2am or so. This worked for her for years when she had a set T/W/Thurs schedule, however results may vary.
I know I vary from week to week. We self schedule for the most part so I group my days 3 on 4-5 off each week. Once a month I usually try and schedule in a six day off as a mini vacation. It usually works because I tend to work S/M/T and then the next week I might need to take up a Friday so I work W/T/F.
If work is really stressful I tend to sleep a lot more, and sometimes have a lot of trouble flipping my schedule. However my husband works 9am to 6pm + commute most week days (sometimes earlier/sometimes later as his whims permit the silly butthead) so I generally have the day to myself to sleep. Then I am usually awake around 3/4pm on off days and have time to be up with him all evening. Then he goes to bed about 11/12pm and I sit up and muck about the house.
Also try laying down with your husband when he goes to bed. I know my husband is usually snoring in minutes, and then I can go back to reading or w/e I was doing and he appreciates the snuggle time.
Get out of the house.
I find we connect and destress when we walk. 30-45 minutes around the neighborhood after dinner is great excercise and it helps open up communication about the day and its stresses.
Remember his stress
Our jobs are very stressful, VERY stressful. We spend a great deal of time venting and sometimes that can get overwhelming, especially for those who love us. They want us to be happy, or at least moderately content 80% of the time at work, and I think it breaks their hearts to hear how unhappy we are, and there is nothing they can do about it. I find men to be fixers of sorts. They are our mates and find some odd sense of responsibility in making thins "ok". I think it leaves them helpless when they can't really do anything for you.
Also sometimes our stresses overwhelm conversations and don't make room for their day to day stress. Your husband may not want to burden you with issues from his day when he knows you are already bogged down, thus leaving him no intimate outlet.
Address the sex
I know it sounds cliche but I have learned from my very supportive, loving husband that sometimes the connection first lost is sex. For men sex is a very intimate and important part of a loving relationship. For some of us, myself included, sex tends to be the first thing to STOP when we get stressed, which from some men is the first thing they think about doing when they ARE stressed.
There are other ways to satisfy and sometimes even intensify the intimate AND get a little destress first. Tell your husband you would love some lotion on your back and legs. It's a mini massage, and gets his hands on you which will satisfy him. Before you know it you are relaxed and he is happy as a clam and one thing leads to another!
I find this ritual works for us because it gives me time to relax and switch from mental mode to physical mode. Because face it, generally if men try to approach us with kisses or attentions it is akin to opening a cold window on a sleepy night. We wake up irritated we were taken from our thoughts and tend to whiplash with "not right now honey, I am thinking/stressed/tired/headachey etc etc".
Take it all or take the bits you like, from one night nurse to another, balancing life, love and stress, we are here with you. Running the same race, painting the same scene, learning the same dance steps.