I need some Advice... and quick! - page 3

Hello, So there is a longer version of this story, but I will try to shorten it :) So for the last couple of months I have been working my behind off to try to get into an ADN program in... Read More

  1. Visit  jennh516 profile page
    0
    I have to say that I'm a little in shock. I guess the saying that nurses eat their young is true. I for one couldn't leave my fiance behind and move to another city. I mean after all, this is her fiance not some guy she just started dating. I personally dont think school is more important than family especially when it means moving 3 hours away from the one you love. There will be plenty of other opportunites to finish your education. What is one semester? I mean seriously. Marriage is about sacrifice. If you do decide to move I wouldn't count on your relationship lasting much longer. You're basically saying that you care more about your career than him. Now of course if he agrees that you should move then all of the above doesn't really matter. Just do whats in your heart. If thats your education then fine. Just be prepared to live with your decision. Good luck with whatever you decide.
  2. Visit  traumaRUs profile page
    3
    I can say that putting your career on hold for anyone, boyfriend, girlfriend, fiance, spouse is something you have to think long and hard about.

    Personally, if its meant to last and the relationship is between two mature individuals, long distance can and does work for many.
    TDCHIM, lkwashington, and RNnbakes like this.
  3. Visit  TDCHIM profile page
    2
    Quote from jennh516
    I have to say that I'm a little in shock. I guess the saying that nurses eat their young is true. I for one couldn't leave my fiance behind and move to another city. I mean after all, this is her fiance not some guy she just started dating. I personally dont think school is more important than family especially when it means moving 3 hours away from the one you love. There will be plenty of other opportunites to finish your education. What is one semester? I mean seriously. Marriage is about sacrifice. If you do decide to move I wouldn't count on your relationship lasting much longer. You're basically saying that you care more about your career than him. Now of course if he agrees that you should move then all of the above doesn't really matter. Just do whats in your heart. If thats your education then fine. Just be prepared to live with your decision. Good luck with whatever you decide.
    Good heavens! The OP asked for advice, not your personal judgment of her life!

    There are many, many individuals who manage to pull off long-distance relationships for a time, even while engaged or even - gasp! - married. Three hours away is a relatively easily drivable distance. She isn't planning on moving to Johannesburg or being in any way unreasonable by considering taking up her education in another locale. The enormous number of people seeking to enter the nursing profession has made the competition for program slots very intense. To turn down an opportunity out of hand, when program spots are so hard to come by and there is no guarantee she will get a slot in the other program in her current hometown, just to stay in the same town as her fiance would be needlessly foolish. You can't simply assume that just because she applied to another school for the spring semester, that her admission necessarily follows. The OP herself noted the hometown program was more competitive.

    Now, if the OP thinks about the pros and cons carefully and then decides that it's simply unworkable (there's a lot of expense involved in living alone without recourse to nearby family, it is a strain to live away from loved ones, etc.), that's one thing. Clearly she and her fiance owe it to each other to give the situation a lot of thought and discussion. But this decision is the gateway to her future professional life, and ultimately it is her decision. If her fiance can't understand that, as well as the competitive situation for nursing program admissions at present, then he is the one unwilling to make sacrifices, not the OP.

    I understand wishing to advise someone if you think that person is about to make a serious mistake. However, outright condemnation ("If you do decide to move I wouldn't count on your relationship lasting much longer. You're basically saying that you care more about your career than him.") is unnecessary and unfair. She would be doing no such thing and is obviously torn by the decision. Two people can in fact live apart and still remain completely devoted to each other. It takes extra work and requires maturity and trust - but then again, so does a good marriage!
    RaeRae1997 and lkwashington like this.
  4. Visit  jennh516 profile page
    0
    Quote from TDCHIM
    Good heavens! The OP asked for advice, not your personal judgment of her life!

    There are many, many individuals who manage to pull off long-distance relationships for a time, even while engaged or even - gasp! - married. Three hours away is a relatively easily drivable distance. She isn't planning on moving to Johannesburg or being in any way unreasonable by considering taking up her education in another locale. The enormous number of people seeking to enter the nursing profession has made the competition for program slots very intense. To turn down an opportunity out of hand, when program spots are so hard to come by and there is no guarantee she will get a slot in the other program in her current hometown, just to stay in the same town as her fiance would be needlessly foolish. You can't simply assume that just because she applied to another school for the spring semester, that her admission necessarily follows. The OP herself noted the hometown program was more competitive.

    Now, if the OP thinks about the pros and cons carefully and then decides that it's simply unworkable (there's a lot of expense involved in living alone without recourse to nearby family, it is a strain to live away from loved ones, etc.), that's one thing. Clearly she and her fiance owe it to each other to give the situation a lot of thought and discussion. But this decision is the gateway to her future professional life, and ultimately it is her decision. If her fiance can't understand that, as well as the competitive situation for nursing program admissions at present, then he is the one unwilling to make sacrifices, not the OP.

    I understand wishing to advise someone if you think that person is about to make a serious mistake. However, outright condemnation ("If you do decide to move I wouldn't count on your relationship lasting much longer. You're basically saying that you care more about your career than him.") is unnecessary and unfair. She would be doing no such thing and is obviously torn by the decision. Two people can in fact live apart and still remain completely devoted to each other. It takes extra work and requires maturity and trust - but then again, so does a good marriage!
    First I want to say that I WAS in fact offering advice. Had you taken the time to read the entire post you would have seen that I said the decision is ultimately hers. It is a very real risk that the relationship may not work out. I told her exactly what I would've told my own sister. It is a personal choice that takes a lot of consideration. I simply offered my opinion like everyone else did. I don't see the harm in that. Clearly you disagree with me and that is why you feel the need to attack my post. I've never said a long distance relationship couldn't work. I simply said that you can't count on it to. My husband said that if I were in her shoes and I left to go to school he wouldv'e felt that I chose my career over him. So that is why I stated that. She should be prepared to live with whatever decision she decides to make. That includes the option of staying home and not going to school. Will she be happy with herself if she missed the opportunity to go in the fall instead of spring? Would she be happy if she left her family? It goes both ways which is why I said the decision is ultimately hers.
  5. Visit  TDCHIM profile page
    0
    Quote from jennh516
    First I want to say that I WAS in fact offering advice. Had you taken the time to read the entire post you would have seen that I said the decision is ultimately hers. It is a very real risk that the relationship may not work out. I told her exactly what I would've told my own sister. It is a personal choice that takes a lot of consideration. I simply offered my opinion like everyone else did. I don't see the harm in that. Clearly you disagree with me and that is why you feel the need to attack my post. I've never said a long distance relationship couldn't work. I simply said that you can't count on it to. My husband said that if I were in her shoes and I left to go to school he wouldv'e felt that I chose my career over him. So that is why I stated that. She should be prepared to live with whatever decision she decides to make. That includes the option of staying home and not going to school. Will she be happy with herself if she missed the opportunity to go in the fall instead of spring? Would she be happy if she left her family? It goes both ways which is why I said the decision is ultimately hers.
    I read your post. I've stated my opinion of your tactics and wording. And done is done. We've both had our say.
  6. Visit  jennh516 profile page
    0
    Quote from TDCHIM
    I read your post. I've stated my opinion of your tactics and wording. And done is done. We've both had our say.
    I'm glad you feel that way. Maybe next time you'll take the time to see things from another point of view before jumping on someone. Have a nice day!
  7. Visit  RNnbakes profile page
    2
    basically nursing school vs fireschool. I wonder how hard it is to get into fireschool? My point is that it is really hard to get into nursing school, dont take the acceptance lightly because there are no guarantees. On the other hand, this is real life . Whatever decisions you make, be sure you can live with it no matter what happens. for example if you pass up this spot and you are not able to get another spot for the next three years? how would you feel. Take your time and weigh all your options.
    good luck.
    RaeRae1997 and lkwashington like this.
  8. Visit  lkwashington profile page
    1
    This may be one of the hardest decisions you have to make in your life. Im sure years to come there are going to be more decisions. When loving someone or something so much it becomes dangerous because it can hurt. I can say this if it is too easy it is not worth it. You may want to get your fiancee and family together and have a good and long discussion. Just a thought.
    RaeRae1997 likes this.
  9. Visit  huggiebear1979 profile page
    1
    Until you guys are married, then yes you are in just another relationship, no matter how serious it is, they do sometimes fall apart and sometimes they are able to overcome difficult factors. I will give you an example..In my last relationship, we dated about a year and a half, everything was great, and around this time is when I started applying for Nursing school, about 2 months later I heard back from a local college and did not make it in. I also heard back from a school that was about an hour and a half one way, and I had made it in. We had a very thourogh talk about it, and the strains it would cause and weighed our options and decided I should go ahead and take the opportunity. A few months later we started talking about our future and what we wanted in life, (he has 2 kids of his own, and I don't have any), around this time after giving it alot of thought I decided that in addition to his kids later on I want a couple of my own ( I didn't know whether or not I wanted any previously)...well it turned out that he didn't want any more, and although our relationship was great, we decided that it would be a little unrealistic to stay together, so we broke up.....so that is why I say base it on "What you want Ultimately", because you never know...I hope you guys work out however, a friend once told me, always make sure you Hope for the best, and Prepare for the worst, also if you are close enough to his family and don't feel awkward asking, would it be possible for you to stay with his family, while you get settled into the area, and could possibly find a roomate and or a job?
    lkwashington likes this.


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