I dread going to work- not a new grad. Has this happened to anyone else?

[Ativan]

I've been a nurse for about 4.5 years. During the past year or so, I've started to dread waking up in the morning and going to work, so much so that I can barely sleep the night before without taking Xanax. The anxiety even creeps into my days off, as I subconsciously count down the hours until I have to go back and start to get depressed about it. During stretches of a couple days off, I'm generally pretty productive and happy.

I've seen a lot of people post about dreading going to work when they are new nurses and overwhelmed with the learning curve. I did not have that as a new nurse. Even when I felt overwhelmed, I felt OK about going to work, even excited. Now, even though I'm more experienced, I have developed anxiety about what types of patients and families I will have to deal with, whether I'll be humiliated by any doctors that day, whether I'm going to be able to get everything done, whether I can physically and mentally make it 12 hours, and whether I'll be able to remember to document everything, etc. All the stresses of the job, I pre-worry and obsess over. When I'm at work, my anxiety isn't even that bad.

Has this happened to anyone else? I suspect it's burnout. Has anyone been able to get through this? I take vacations and plenty of days off, I only work 3 shifts a week, never overtime, we have a great staffing ratio and pretty consistent breaks at my hospital. I'm feeling like my only option, for my sanity, is to get off the floor. I could try another hospital, another unit, another type of nursing, but honestly, I've worked in 3 different hospitals and multiple different units, and I find it to be all about the same.

[Caffeine_IV]

I felt similar to your post OP until I went PRN. I also have an outpatient job that gives me relief from my bedside work.

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

Wow, thanks everyone for your support and encouragement! While it's good to know I'm not alone, I'm sad that this is what nursing can do to so many people like me and many others here who are clinically strong, have a desire to help people, but get burnt out by the system and many of our challenging patients/families/managers.

Just for the record, I am seeing a mental health professional, and I have had the Xanax prescription for many years (before nursing school) and rarely used it until now. Also, I have been networking and building my resume for about 8 months now and I've been applying for jobs away from patient care. No luck so far, which is discouraging, but I'll keep at it, I know it's not impossible. I just have to find a way to deal with the anxiety and bad attitude while I'm looking.

But honestly, I've only been halfway committed to getting out because... I'm afraid to leave the bedside. I'm afraid it will "ruin" my career and I'll get stuck in a dead-end job with no career path. I'm afraid I will lose all my skills and it will be impossible to go back to bedside if I ever want to. I'm afraid of admitting to people who supported me through years of nursing school that I don't like nursing. I'm afraid of leaving my current situation (where I have a flexible schedule, a pretty senior position, and a rare great boss) for an unknown. At least as new RNs, we sometimes get brainwashed into thinking that inpatient, critical care nursing is pinnacle of nursing and those who do it are bad-asses while working in a clinic or an office is demeaned as "where nurses go to die." I feel ashamed to "give up" at a relatively young age. These aren't excuses, I'm just saying this because I know there are people out there who feel or have felt like me, and some who have gotten through it to the other side and are glad they made the leap.

So those of you who have felt like me and got out- where did you go? What do you recommend? Clinic? Insurance? Public health?

Please read TU RN's post a hundred times if necessary. Life is too short to NOT make that leap.

You are most certainly not giving up. You will learn and grow in a new field of nursing.

You have an excellent option of remaining in your current position before you make YOUR choice for change. Personally, it took me way too long to leap. I work in the insurance industry, from home.

This works out very well for me, YOU have MANY options to explore.

[Mr. Murse]

This might be a shock to to you, but management does not give a rat's patooti about staff.

No WAY will they assist with steering away from patient care.They want good little soldiers that take orders and do the dirty work with a smile.

If management gets a clue that Ativan is unhappy, looking elsewhere, etc. , he/she will be viewed as subversive and a potential troublemaker.

Then the beatings will begin until morale improves.

Haha, granted, you have many more years experience than me, but this may still come as a shock to you: there is actually management out there that care about their staff!!! I know my manager, for one, would be one that if were ever in the OP situation I could go to and talk about it and she would help me get somewhere I was more suited for and happier. I admit, my manager is an exception, not the rule, but they're out there. With all your experience it's unfortunate you've never come across one.

Crazy concept, I know, but it does happen from time to time, which is exactly why qualified my whole recommendation based on her relationship with the management.

[eagle78]

First and foremost as so many have said life is too short to be doing something that makes you unhappy. However, I am glad that this thread has helped you, I know it is a hurdle and it is good to see that you are not alone.

I am sure everyone has been in a position that they did not like. Some of us do something about it, some don't. I will not say who is happiest, but speaking from my own experience I am glad I did something about it. Yes it is scary, you find yourself wondering if you did the right thing. Best laid plans, as my brother always says, are subject to murphys law. At any rate, my plans got shifted, yet I still feel that I am on the right track, just working my way to what works for me. It is my sincerist hope that you find what works for you, and most of all that you do not give up on trying to find it. Peace..

[tacomaster]

Ativan, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I haven't been a nurse for very long but I'll never forget some advice I got when I was starting out from a nurse administrator. She told me to start working on my MBA/MSN as soon as I have the opportunity to so I don't have to be a floor nurse with nowhere to go. She told me that even if I never use it, it's nice to have it as a plan B. I hope you are able to find what you are looking for. I'll be praying for you.