Gay Boomers and nursing attitudes

cmo421 · Oct 19, 2007

I do not know if I have taken care of a gay person in LTC or not, they didn't have the nerve to admit it if they were. They do deserve the same treatment that anyone else receives. I do not think we will see very many of them in LTC, it seems to me that they die before they make it to that age. I guess this comes along the extravagant lifestyle that most gays live.

Hmmmmmmmm,extravagant lifestyles that most gays live....hmmmmmm.

Lord give me the patience to deal with thinking like this without getting my irish up!!!

anonymurse · Oct 19, 2007

Noryn- I think having him here to talk was effective because he pretty much dug his own grave.

No. It was carefully calculated to elicit American disgust and thereby boost his popularity back home. And the ploy worked.

We are so used to thinking America is the center of the universe. For sure, it's not the center of that guy's universe, just a dupe that played its bit part in his "me show starring me" exactly as scripted.

This is worth thinking about. We are in a period of rapidly-declining social mood. In such environments, rabble-rousers capitalize on divisiveness and exclusion. We should prepare ourselves to take hits for advocating for the excluded.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Oct 19, 2007

nurses must advocate for the clients. i would also suggest that gay and lesbian nurses have a special obligation to look after their elders and advocate for them when they cannot advocate for themselves. it's the right thing to do.
nurses have an obligation to look after their population of pt's as a whole.i appreciate the basics of ur writing but if gays must look after gays,then catholics must look after catholics,jews to jews, ....we have a responsibility to everyone in our focus of care. i do not think we need to know the sexual orientation of anyone,just treat them fairly as their family,whomever they may be!

we all have a responsibility to advocate for our patients -- even if we don't understand or agree with their lifestyle.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Oct 19, 2007

oh. my. god.
for the person that posted that cruise story, thanks for the link.
and for what it's worth, if someone comes into the hospital, and they have someone that cares enough about them to want to be by their side, i personally would be delighted to have them there, and to teach, or support. delays may occur if the patient refuses (i'll work on them a bit), or chaos ensues in that room, but eventually it will happen.
i can't believe someone would have the gall to try that in this day and age. i can't believe someone didn't clue in and override the first sw's decision. and then with proper paperwork, and the blood family consenting, they still delayed bringing in the people that could visit? hell.
did the social worker get reported to his licensing board?

i read that story, too, and i felt sad for that family. but the story reflected only the family's feelings -- the hospital has a side of the story that wasn't reported. no one may have been allowed to visit because everyone was frantically trying to save lisa's life, or because lisa's roommate was coding or because the nurse at the bedside wasn't told lisa's partner and children were waiting to visit (one secretary with a bias against gays would be all it took to keep the family in the dark). we don't know the other side of that story. the social worker may have been dealing with other issues that took precedence -- a pediatric unit about to discharge a toddler whose mother burned him with cigarettes and the mother is waiting to pick him up, for example. we just don't know.

the other thing i noted is that lisa and janice weren't traveling with any paperwork that indicated their relationship. janice had to call her attorney in olympia to have a copy of lisa's poa faxed to the hospital. if she'd been travelling with a copy of the poa, it would have significantly reduced the delay. as health care professionals, we aren't allowed to share information with anyone except immediate family, and there would be confusion in this case as to whom the patient would wish to have the information and the decision-making capability. the presence of the poa would clear that up immediately.

gay people shouldn't have to produce documentation to prove their relationships and more than straight people should. but this is the reality our laws have forced upon us. and unmarried straight people are pretty much in the same boat -- although they can often convince some health care workers for a time that they are married. if they lie, it always comes out. someone's daughter calls asking to speak to "dad's girlfriend shirley," or "my dad -- the patient's ex-husband" or "bill's life partner, george who never leaves the bedside." (aha! george isn't really his brother!)

we really ought to just let everyone marry the person of their choosing and then there wouldn't be all this ambiguity!

Ruby Vee, BSN · Oct 19, 2007

but are there not situations when this is important information? for example, a woman visits an acutely ill male pt. and involves herself in his care in someway or another. is she his spouse, his sister, his boss, his cleaning lady, his next door neighbor? from a nursing perspective don't you need know? and i am not a nurse yet, so i do not ask this rhetorically - i am curious to know what the gentle readers of this forum think..

or is she is married lover? a mistress whom the wife will evict as soon as she arrives? an ex-wife? one of my pet peeves is that many healthcare workers assume that any visitor off the opposite gender who is reasonably age-appropriate is the spouse. they assume the visitor is the spouse, report off to the next shift that the visitor is the spouse. the next shift passes on to the physician looking for consent that this is the spouse, and suddenly we have girlfriends/boyfriends of married patients signing consents, ex-spouses, new lovers and other inappropriate persons recieving detailed information about the patient's condition. your patient may not have wanted his ex-wife to know he's finally contracted hiv from "that evil lifestyle" or her ex-husband to know that she's being treated for a tubal pregnancy or his new girlfriend to know he has genital herpes.

some of the worst difficulties i have had haven't been with same sex couples; it's been with unmarried heterosexual couples. there was the couple who assured me (with straight faces) that they were married in every way that mattered, and if each of them hadn't met "that other person" first, they'd be married. (actually they were married -- each of them to someone else. her husband shot her after a lengthy visit to the patient.) there was the man who insisted that he was the patient's husband, even when her children (all six of them) insisted that the patient's husband was alive, still married to her, and living in a nursing home. the boyfriend insisted that he was the one to make health care decisions. that one went to court.

and it never ceases to amaze me how many people suddenly become "engaged" when one of them is hospitalized.

personally, i don't care whether you want your ex-spouse, former lovers, current girlfriend/boyfriend or any other person to visit. i do care that we as health care workers are releasing private information only to the appropriate parties and that only the appropriate persons are involved in the consent process. if you as the patient want your long term partner at the bedside and making your health care decisions for you, i'm happy to accomodate that. as long as the required paperwork is in place. if the paperwork is on the chart, i'm happy to evict your estranged parents from your room if they try to interfere in your care or banish your partner. i'm happy to tell your sister that i'm only allowed to share information with your partner and that she should get updates from your partner. unfortunately, if the paperwork isn't on the chart, your estranged parents or soon-to-be-ex spouse may be the legal decision maker.

ari3sdog · Oct 19, 2007

I read an interestiing article, in the NYT, today. Apparently the first wave of gay boomers have begun to hit our LTC, Assisted Living, home health agencies. And more and more of them are being belittled, receiving less then quality care, being transfered to units that are not appropriate to them because of other residents. I am wondering, has anyone encountered this yet? What has happen? What is your attitidue? What is being done to correct the problems?
Woody:balloons:

That's not good. We have gay residents but we don't see it that way and that never happens. They have no problems with other residents. His roommate doesnt even know. We don't have to tell his roommate that he is gay, it will be a violation of rights of the residents. For me, It's not fair for gays not to be treated as equals. I'm not gay, but it is not fair because who we are to do this to them. They are human being just like everyone else. Unless though he sexually harasses people, then there is a problem. But we haven't encountered a resident sexually harass other residents or employee. I lived in california San Francisco, there are a lot of gays in here. I don't know about NYC on views about gays.

cmo421 · Oct 19, 2007

i read that story, too, and i felt sad for that family. but the story reflected only the family's feelings -- the hospital has a side of the story that wasn't reported. no one may have been allowed to visit because everyone was frantically trying to save lisa's life, or because lisa's roommate was coding or because the nurse at the bedside wasn't told lisa's partner and children were waiting to visit (one secretary with a bias against gays would be all it took to keep the family in the dark). we don't know the other side of that story. the social worker may have been dealing with other issues that took precedence -- a pediatric unit about to discharge a toddler whose mother burned him with cigarettes and the mother is waiting to pick him up, for example. we just don't know.
the other thing i noted is that lisa and janice weren't traveling with any paperwork that indicated their relationship. janice had to call her attorney in olympia to have a copy of lisa's poa faxed to the hospital. if she'd been travelling with a copy of the poa, it would have significantly reduced the delay. as health care professionals, we aren't allowed to share information with anyone except immediate family, and there would be confusion in this case as to whom the patient would wish to have the information and the decision-making capability. the presence of the poa would clear that up immediately.
i do not care if a code was going on in the room, or the social worker was with another family. it is no excuse,none,to treat that family in that way. no one should have to die alone when there is family or friend nearby. if u read the article, they were very open in their opinions on gay couples at the start. seems to me that nurses pick their issues. if that person was a friend of someone in the er, straight or gay, u can rest asure anyone they wanted to be in that room would be. as health care professionals we have rules, but we should have,should have,common curtisy and sensitivity. hippa,first of all is a joke,but we will save that for another thread.
when a trauma comes in,either in the er or in the icu,i always,always,make time for the person that is with them. it takes a second to make a difference. you do not have to divulge the "golden information" ,just be kind . when next of kin, or s.o. is determined then u can do what u have to do. i tell my kids, it is not what u say,it is how u say it that counts.

czyja, MSN, RN · Oct 19, 2007

I hope your drink was tasty and that you slept peacefully.
-Kan

Thank you dear Kanzi. It was fine indeed. A wee 17 y/o bourbon with just a smidge of water po hs induces an lovely sense of calm of well being followed by restorative sleep.

And good sleep makes one's morning email a tolerable experience.

leslie :-D · Oct 19, 2007

Thank you dear Kanzi. It was fine indeed. A wee 17 y/o bourbon with just a smidge of water po hs induces an lovely sense of calm of well being followed by restorative sleep.
And good sleep makes one's morning email a tolerable experience.

boozers, i say.

every single one of you.

leslie :saint:

Elvish, BSN, DNP, RN, NP · Oct 19, 2007

boozers, i say.
every single one of you.
leslie

Ah yes, Mother Superior chimes in to keep us all in our place...... :cool:

cmo421 · Oct 19, 2007

boozers, i say.
every single one of you.
:monkeydance::monkeydance:
Just part of that extravagant lifestyle . Myself, I fit it in inbetween raising three boys,going to school, physio,housework,volunteering at school,and finding time for my favorite person,and rehabing this worn body! We do what we have to do I guess!

leslie :-D · Oct 19, 2007

Ah yes, Mother Superior chimes in

well...."Mother" is correct. :devil:

leslie