Gay Boomers and nursing attitudes - page 14

I read an interestiing article, in the NYT, today. Apparently the first wave of gay boomers have begun to hit our LTC, Assisted Living, home health agencies. And more and more of them are being... Read More

  1. by   Tweety
    Quote from James Huffman
    Perhaps another question needs addressing. Throughout history, there have been large numbers of women religious, the term used more often now for nuns. They have often served needy populations, and many of them have cared for people with HIV/AIDS. Many of them women have been nurses, some teachers, and a whole host of other caring professions. They have often served tirelessly, with little compensation, and have usually remained unknown.

    Why do we find it amusing to mock these women? Would we find it so amusing if these men were dressed in burkhas? If they were dressed as Buddhist nuns? Why is it that Catholic women religious -- many of whom shared a profession with us -- are fair game for mockery?
    Point well taken and understood.

    Yes, everyone's fair game for mockery and just about no one is immune. Many people have a love/hate relationship with nuns. I love them and the service they provide, moreso than just about any Christian sect. Seriously.

    Many others have fallen victum to their stern beatings and harsh judgements in school (although I don't thinkg paddlings are allowed anymore) and don't have such fond feelings for their service to humankind. Thus probably it's mocking those who have mocked and judged them. Two wrongs certainly don't make a right.
  2. by   Tweety
    Quote from K.L.A.
    I was not judging anyone. I simply stated that we probably would not see many gays in LTC, because the lifestyle they live is more risky than most people.
    Riskier how? Is it because of HIV? It's still out there and gay men are indeed catching it.

    Is it wild unproected sex? Take a look at STD rates in young heterosexual men and women. It's near epidemic.

    Extravagant lifestyles causing early deaths? How about obesity, heart disease rates, diabeties and other disesase of excess in the heterosexual community.

    Suicide and homelessness probably causes more premature deaths in the teen homosexual community that the heterosexual one, so you got us there. But with acceptance and parents not kicking their gay children out of the home that could stop.

    My extravagant gay lifestyle consists of me working like a dog 40 hours a week, struggling to make ends meet. I've slept with 2 people in 30 years. Yep a wild lifestyle I lead. I am more typical than not.

    Just wanted to educate you some because you seem to be buying into some myths, many of which are mistakenly preached from pulpits around the country.
  3. by   indigo girl
    Quote from Tweety

    Many others have fallen victum to their stern beatings and harsh judgements in school (although I don't thinkg paddlings are allowed anymore) and don't have such fond feelings for their service to humankind.
    Yes, many of us have experienced the wrath of the Sister Mary Miserables
    in our grade school years...
  4. by   woody62
    Quote from letina
    I'm struggling with this one......if you'd said you dislike gays and refuse to take care of them, I think we all know what the response would be. But it's OK to refuse to take care of someone with alcoholism?

    Kinda contradictory to the essence of the thread don't you think, since we're talking about nursing attitudes.
    My prejudice was a personal one. My mother was a closet alcoholic and as a child thru young adulthood, I took the brunt of her drunken rages and angry outburst. I could most likely work with an alcoholic patient now, I have come to term with my mother's habits and problems. I realized that she had little control over her drinking and always denied her problem. And when I realized that I was treating patients differently because of her impact on me, I got help. So, no I don't think I am being contradictory. It is the people who claim they have no prejudices that have the problem.

    Woody
  5. by   bsnnursejlcdas
    Quote from czyja
    Wow. What a horrid experience for your partner (and you). Was there nobody at this facility with whom you might have discussed this behavior? Did you report it to the state? At a minimum you might wish to inform your insurer and document that you never wish to use this facility again should the need arise. Best wishes to you both.
    It might be considered a cop out, but we just let it slide. We had discussed the idea of filing a formal complaint, but figured that it wasn't worth the fight. My partner's insurer is one of the largest insurer's in this state and it is mainly reserved for senior citizens. They allow HIV+ individuals because they are covered under Medicare if they are receiving Social Security benefits. This insurer is going through some changes at this time; something about a buyout, and they do not have much compassion for HIV+ individuals. Unfortunately, I do not know much about the politics with this company, but I do know it probably isn't in our best interest to pick such a fight with them. Suffice to say, we will never allow him to be placed in such a place again. His MD agrees. I only posted this to refute the argument about the possibility the article Woody originally posted might have been media sensationilism; that rampant discrimination does happen to certain segments of society within the healthcare community. It is up to all of us nurses to ensure that our patients receive the best care possible regardless of who or what they are. We need to be their advocates, as we might be the only ones they have.
  6. by   Ms Kylee
    Hospital nurses and doc were rude and disrespectful to the family. The pt died without her lifepartner with her.


    This is just SO wrong! During my first week of school, we were told not to judge anyone by anything.. race, religion, sexual orientation, etc.... I just hate how society has to label everyone and everything.. it really burns my bum. Gay people have a right to the same medical care other patients receive. :angryfire
  7. by   leslie :-D
    Quote from Kylee45
    Hospital nurses and doc were rude and disrespectful to the family. The pt died without her lifepartner with her.


    This is just SO wrong! During my first week of school, we were told not to judge anyone by anything.. race, religion, sexual orientation, etc....
    yep.
    hindsight has taught me that what i learned in nsg school, was a bunch of ideals read from a book.
    it sounds good on paper.
    but the people teaching us these ideals, are the very people who blatantly dismiss anyone less than the status quo.
    that was my experience, anyway.

    imo, either you go to nsg school with an inherent set of values, or not.
    your education should not have to teach one the value of common decency.

    leslie
  8. by   czyja
    Quote from bsnnursejlcdas
    It might be considered a cop out, but we just let it slide.
    I don't think it's a cop out.

    You did what you needed to do. You advocated for your partner in at the time and you set things up to prevent the same thing from happening again.

    Sometimes one's sense of outrage is so strong one wants only to wash the foulness of the experience off one's hands and not revisit it by writing letters and complaining.
  9. by   ElvishDNP
    Quote from earle58
    well...."Mother" is correct.

    leslie
    Leslie...you know I was joking, right? Just making sure.
    I completely agree with you.
  10. by   medicrnohio
    Quote from K.L.A.
    I do not know if I have taken care of a gay person in LTC or not, they didn't have the nerve to admit it if they were. They do deserve the same treatment that anyone else receives. I do not think we will see very many of them in LTC, it seems to me that they die before they make it to that age. I guess this comes along the extravagant lifestyle that most gays live.
    I can't believe you said this.

    As for my extravagant lifestyle...it consists of working full time, going to school full time, grocery shopping, gardening, cleaning my house, taking care of my animals, and spending time with my loved ones. I hardly see that as extravagant.
    Last edit by Tweety on Oct 20, '07 : Reason: personal attack edited out.
  11. by   pedsnurze1
    Quote from cmo421
    I will be interested too see how this thread plays out. I think in todays age we have to be aware of all the different walks of life and learn tolerance and respect. Last year there was a same sex couple boarding a cruise when one suffered a major head bleed. She was transfered to a local hospital and her life partner was denied access to her and denied a play in decisions even though they had a living will. I am not 100% certain of all details,but I know that they had children who were devestated by this event and the treatment of their MOM's. Hospital nurses and doc were rude and disrespectful to the family. The pt died without her lifepartner with her.
    How cruel and insensitive and inhumane.
    Their choice, their lives, their consequences not for us mere humans to play God or whatever your believe maybe over them.
    I just hope this family finds a way to forgive us healthcare professionals for making their precious never to be repeated transitional period in life unbearable. Just think How would we have felt. My heart goes out to those children.
  12. by   cmo421
    Quote from woody62
    My prejudice was a personal one. My mother was a closet alcoholic and as a child thru young adulthood, I took the brunt of her drunken rages and angry outburst. I could most likely work with an alcoholic patient now, I have come to term with my mother's habits and problems. I realized that she had little control over her drinking and always denied her problem. And when I realized that I was treating patients differently because of her impact on me, I got help. So, no I don't think I am being contradictory. It is the people who claim they have no prejudices that have the problem.

    Woody
    When people acknowledge how their past has affected their present,get help and deal with it, I do not feel it is a prejudice,more a triumph over one. Good for you!
  13. by   woody62
    [quote=cmo421;2455086]
    Quote from ruby vee
    i read that story, too, and i felt sad for that family. but the story reflected only the family's feelings -- the hospital has a side of the story that wasn't reported. no one may have been allowed to visit because everyone was frantically trying to save lisa's life, or because lisa's roommate was coding or because the nurse at the bedside wasn't told lisa's partner and children were waiting to visit (one secretary with a bias against gays would be all it took to keep the family in the dark). we don't know the other side of that story. the social worker may have been dealing with other issues that took precedence -- a pediatric unit about to discharge a toddler whose mother burned him with cigarettes and the mother is waiting to pick him up, for example. we just don't know.

    the other thing i noted is that lisa and janice weren't traveling with any paperwork that indicated their relationship. janice had to call her attorney in olympia to have a copy of lisa's poa faxed to the hospital. if she'd been travelling with a copy of the poa, it would have significantly reduced the delay. as health care professionals, we aren't allowed to share information with anyone except immediate family, and there would be confusion in this case as to whom the patient would wish to have the information and the decision-making capability. the presence of the poa would clear that up immediately.

    i do not care if a code was going on in the room, or the social worker was with another family. it is no excuse,none,to treat that family in that way. no one should have to die alone when there is family or friend nearby. if u read the article, they were very open in their opinions on gay couples at the start. seems to me that nurses pick their issues. if that person was a friend of someone in the er, straight or gay, u can rest asure anyone they wanted to be in that room would be. as health care professionals we have rules, but we should have,should have,common curtisy and sensitivity. hippa,first of all is a joke,but we will save that for another thread.
    when a trauma comes in,either in the er or in the icu,i always,always,make time for the person that is with them. it takes a second to make a difference. you do not have to divulge the "golden information" ,just be kind . when next of kin, or s.o. is determined then u can do what u have to do. i tell my kids, it is not what u say,it is how u say it that counts.
    i have had several clients in several of the major medical centers of miami. i wish i could say that i was surprised by the treatment of this couple but sadly, i am not. while miami has south beach, they do not have the tolerance of other major cities around this country. most have preset prejudices which have overlapped into the health care professionals. expecting them to response with compassion is like expecting a tiger to be hand fed, without taking your hand off. it is basically beyond them.

    the staff made a value judgement. and they made demands on this couple that they would never have made on a heterosexual couple. when i was in the er, hanging on by a thread, my daughter was approached as to what 'she' wanted the doctors to do. she was never asked for my health care poxy, she wasn't even asked to prove she was my daughter. she could have been the milk man for all they knew. but then again, i did present myself as a homosexual, just as a person.

    woody

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