feeling anxiety and other ranges of emotions

  1. Hello,

    I am 32 years old and have been accepted to a very well respected BSN program in my area that will start on 01/17/07. However, I am leaving a very comfortable paying job at a major telecommunications company that I have been employed at for over 13 years (employed a year after high school). I am also a single mother of a 10 year old son as well. For the last 4 years, I have managed to get my Associates of Science Degree with my job paying for it. (no student loan debt) As the date gets closer, I am finding myself damn near crying each time I leave my job. Don't get me wrong, I do not like the job itself, but I love the people I work with. Also, it's a fear of the unknown that is getting to me. I have managed to save enough money to keep me afloat for the first semester in nursing school and with scholarships and such, I can make it by. I have been on this website for about a good week now, mostly lurking, and I have to say from what I'm reading, it's really scaring me! I'm not scared of the hard work of nursing school, because I consider myself a hard worker and I'm very motivated. I'm not scared of changing careers, however, it's the other things like new nursing grads getting fired after being on the job 3 months after nursing school, and the possibility of passing a wrong med while in clinicals, or better yet, the possibility of killing someone. I just don't know if I'm cut out for this. Good thing my job is letting me get a non-paid leave of absence and will hold my position for me just in case it don't work out. Maybe I'm freaking out. I just don't know. Has anyone else experienced this right before entering nursing school? I can sit and watch Discovery Health channel all day looking at surgeries and say to myself "that will be me one day in the OR", but as the dream now becomes a reality, it's like I'm losing it! Someone please help!
    •  
  2. 16 Comments

  3. by   futurecnm
    Reading this site sometimes scares me too!!! I think that a lot of posts on this site are about the negatives aspects of nursing and sometimes there aren't a lot of positive things. But I think if you talk to nurses you realize there are good and bad things. Yes, some nurses hate their jobs. But some love them. I think the key is knowing that it is TRULY what you want to do. Have you done any shadowing or talked to nurses about what their job really is? I always tell people that I wouldn't recommend nursing school to anyone unless they felt a true calling to be a nurse and loved what being a nurse really is. It can't be for money, schedule, security ... it has to be for the right reasons because if it isn't you probably won't like nursing. I am still a student and nursing school is tough. The toughest thing I've ever done. But I still like it and want to be a nurse.
  4. by   jrussole
    I can understand what you must be going thru. It is a tough decision. You do give up your life while in nursing school. At least, I did. You have to be 100% committed to prosper in anything you do to advance yourself career wise. Nursing school is only the beginning of learning. Nursing itself is a commitment to lifetime learning. Sometimes rewarding, sometimes not. It will give you rewards that you could never imagine. Its a tough world out there and nursing is not an exception to the rule. If anything, you have to work twice as hard in order to gain respect. I believe it is mainly due to it being a female dominent profession. Because if it were male dominated, we would retire in 20 years. Get paid better. Be respected more. Have our own billing system and not be placed with general hospital maintanence fee's, etc. Nurses could bill directly for our services. Like a physical therapist. I don't want to discourage you. But it is a big commitment. And the profession is far from perfect. It is getting better day by day. But it hasn't gotten a whole heck of alot better since I started 25 years ago. After 25 years, I still work my tail off everyday at work. Somedays are rewarding while others are my worst nightmare. I suppose you take the bad with the good and hope tomorrow it will be enough. You have gotten thus far, what you have to consider is if your up to the challenge? It isn't going to be easy. But nothing worth venturing is. Give it your best. You have everything to gain and really nothing to lose. You can always go back to pushing papers for a living, if that is what you do now. No nurse no matter what area of the profession has it easy. We all work our tail off, everyday.
  5. by   shoegalRN
    Quote from futurecnm
    Reading this site sometimes scares me too!!! I think that a lot of posts on this site are about the negatives aspects of nursing and sometimes there aren't a lot of positive things. But I think if you talk to nurses you realize there are good and bad things. Yes, some nurses hate their jobs. But some love them. I think the key is knowing that it is TRULY what you want to do. Have you done any shadowing or talked to nurses about what their job really is? I always tell people that I wouldn't recommend nursing school to anyone unless they felt a true calling to be a nurse and loved what being a nurse really is. It can't be for money, schedule, security ... it has to be for the right reasons because if it isn't you probably won't like nursing. I am still a student and nursing school is tough. The toughest thing I've ever done. But I still like it and want to be a nurse.
    Here's the thing: I REALLY want to be a nurse! Was a volunteer at a hospital when I was 13. Have wanted to since I was a little girl, but put it on the back burner. After giving birth to my son in 1996, I actually cried because I had to leave the hospital. My nurse "Mary" was one reason why I wanted to become a nurse; she left a very lasting impression on me. But I had looked at how long I was vested in my current job and how nursing school would take so long and the pay would be less than what I'm making blah, blah, so I talked myself out of it. Then in 2000, I decided that I was pursuing my dreams and here I am now. Corporate America is not for me; I don't like being just a "number" to someone and not able to make a difference in someone's life. I hate the "number crunching" stress and the migraine headaches I get each week (maybe because I was working 40 hrs a week AND going to school at night).

    I guess I'm just freaking out. I know there will be positive and negatives of ANY job, so I'm really trying to focus on the positive. I'm excited, happy, sad, anxious, feeling overwhelmed. I'm at work now typing this and just had a crying spell after reading the thank you's thread.

    Thanks for your input!
  6. by   nursemary9
    Oh My,
    You are really a wreck, my dear!! Please, take a DEEP breath, sit back and don't think about the coming semester right now!! Enjoy your boy and the Holidays, and all that goes along with them!!

    I know, easy to say!! Yes, it is. I've been Nursing for over 40 yrs. now; I still love it---I still get really nervous at times. That's what keeps us sharp and on the lookout for those mistakes we might make.

    You know, I went to Nursing School right after High School---I was too dumb to even feel any fright!! It was only after I found out what it was all about--& by then, I loved doing it.

    Many of us come to this site & vent & complain about one thing or another; We use it as a place to let off steam---at least I do. If I vent here, then I don't have to do it on the job.

    My advise to you ---Take one day at a time. If this is something you really want, you'll do it & you'll be good at it.

    It's not easy---but the work is worth it.

    You know, I was having a really rotten nite ( yes, I'm one of those nite nurses) the other nite & just at the end of my shift i was leaving a patient's room & as I said Good-by to him, he said "Thank You--You're a Good Nurse".Well, that just did it--the rotten nite was forgotten.

    You'll see---this is just a bit of pre-school jitters. You'll get over it. Remember, in Clinicals, you're pretty well supervised.

    I wish you all the best!! I hope you make it. It sounds like you really want this, so GO FOR IT!!!

    Now, sit back & have a great Holiday with your son, enjoy this bit of freedom before the rigors of school.

    Let us know how it's going from time to time.

    Mary Ann
  7. by   firstyearstudent
    I never wanted to be in the medical profession because I didn't want the responsibility. I know I'm not perfect so how could I avoid hurting someone, making a mistake or a wrong decision? Then as I got older I realized that I was more careful and responsible then the overwhelming majority of people that I met. I asked myself, would I entrust the care of my loved ones to someone like me? Yes I would.
  8. by   shoegalRN
    Quote from jrussole
    I can understand what you must be going thru. It is a tough decision. You do give up your life while in nursing school. At least, I did. You have to be 100% committed to prosper in anything you do to advance yourself career wise. Nursing school is only the beginning of learning. Nursing itself is a commitment to lifetime learning. Sometimes rewarding, sometimes not. It will give you rewards that you could never imagine. Its a tough world out there and nursing is not an exception to the rule. If anything, you have to work twice as hard in order to gain respect. I believe it is mainly due to it being a female dominent profession. Because if it were male dominated, we would retire in 20 years. Get paid better. Be respected more. Have our own billing system and not be placed with general hospital maintanence fee's, etc. Nurses could bill directly for our services. Like a physical therapist. I don't want to discourage you. But it is a big commitment. And the profession is far from perfect. It is getting better day by day. But it hasn't gotten a whole heck of alot better since I started 25 years ago. After 25 years, I still work my tail off everyday at work. Somedays are rewarding while others are my worst nightmare. I suppose you take the bad with the good and hope tomorrow it will be enough. You have gotten thus far, what you have to consider is if your up to the challenge? It isn't going to be easy. But nothing worth venturing is. Give it your best. You have everything to gain and really nothing to lose. You can always go back to pushing papers for a living, if that is what you do now. No nurse no matter what area of the profession has it easy. We all work our tail off, everyday.
    Thanks for your reply! I understand the level of commitment; I KNOW I will have to be committed 1000% to this,so I have made arrangements for my son to live with his father for the first semester to see how things go. I understand that nursing is a TOUGH job, but the good thing is I'm up for the challenge. I've been sitting at a desk for over 13 years, doing the same thing day in and day out, I look forward to change. It's just for some reason, I'm just having these range of emotions because the date is getting closer. Maybe it's fear. I understand this move is a "leap in faith" and believe me, I've been doing alot of prayer lately. I feel this is where God wants me to be because every obstacle that has come up, I have found a way around it and I'm still on track with my plan.

    I guess I may be questioning my level of confidence.
  9. by   Antikigirl
    I was working as a nurse for a assisted living facility for 4 years, and well...I got very very attached to the patients and all the wonderful people I worked with! It is a small community to begin with...even smaller in a facility and well..they were like family!

    The facility itself wasn't pleasant to work in, but I stayed because of WHO I worked with! But alas...due to medicare/medicaid cut backs and new rules...the facility could only afford me for two days a week! Ummmm, can't pay the bills on that! I knew I HAD to leave, but still was pondering how I could stay based on not ever wanting to leave my work collegues, patients..and well...the comfort of knowing my job day after day!

    I had to take a chance...but nursing positions were hard to come by...so I had to take a even larger risk! I had to go agency nursing! Agency is going to different facilities (either contracted to stay for a while, or just daily) and different roles! EEEEEKKKKKKK I had been working in the LTC areana for 4 years..how can I switch gears to hospital fast and whatever else thrown at me...in new facilties all the time!!!!!! I was down right excited yet terrified!!!!!

    Let me tell you...best thing I have ever done! Yeah it was a period of adjustment, and I went into it thinking "the only thing you can do is do your best!". I now work for a hospital full time, and best thing...I had a bidding war going on for my services so I got top dollar and awesome benifits once I chose to stick with one place after a year! I have never felt so valuable and respected! Also..nice thing..especially with nursing...if things don't go well...I can go back to agency or move on to other specialties or areas of care!

    Also..for those a little scared by the negativity you see on here...take it with a grain of salt, and definately log it in your memories as a potential! All jobs have their good and bad points..and well, since we do work with one of the most dynamic factors a job could ever have (people!), and there is a heavy demand for each second of your time as a nurse...well...you are going to need to vent once in a while!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!! I am sure if you went to a site for Lawyers or even Resturaunt...you will see complaints that would scare you out of working there too! LOL! Take it with a grain of salt, but I didn't know about all the downers about the job..and wished I had before hitting them blind all on my own! It was helpful to me!

    And the whole "life in my hand" deal...well it isn't just you, it is a team of medical professionals too...you aren't alone. There are protocols in place and rules to help bypass mistakes, and it is worth taking the time to learn them and follow them ALL the time (I have only made two mistakes in my 8 years...both when I didn't follow the protocol because I was too busy! No one was hurt at all except for me being very upset at myself...all could have been avoided if I had spoken up and said...I need to have more time to do things correctly or I will make a mistake, and take that time for safey!). The other thing...don't do ANYTHING unless you know how...if you don't ask for help, and never let anyone bulldog you into doing it without help! I don't...and I can always get help when I ask . Respecting your responsiblity is one thing...fear or intimidation of it is not respecting it...so just a mindset change and some experience and that fear/intimidation actually fuels the respect of your responsiblities !

    Okay I have rambled long enough...good luck and try to think of this as your new adventure!
  10. by   jrussole
    Confidence?
    You have a calling. It obvious. Look at what you have accomplished thus far. It's not easy being a single mother. Going to work. Going to school. And being "Mommy". Your strength lyes in your childs eyes. You are a terrific role model.
    And you'll probably make a wonderful nurse. Keep the faith.
  11. by   Antikigirl
    Confidence is earned through experience, and as you obviously have a good foundation in life experience...I hear you when you may be shaky on the Nursing confidence...but give yourself a break on that one...you haven't had the experience yet .

    When I was 30 I went into the RN program, also a single mom! I had a good idea of who I was..and that strengthened ten fold while in school! I went in thinking not only to do my best...but the reality of school...it isn't what they give you...it is what you take with you and own that makes the difference. And by golly that was a good plan!!!!! Not only did I go in taking the info and making it my own (changing it to the way I knew I could remember and use)...but I always did my best...and part of me is a comic...so my best incorporates fun too! Heck, everyone wanted to be my study partner because I would make up ways to remember things in comedic fashion...LOL!

    I had so much fun (along with a lot of stress of course), and now have confidence in what I do and will actually stand up for any choice I make in nursing! But to achieve that..I had to look deep into my self, find out how I 'tick', and accent that daily with information and knowledge...and BELIEVE IN MYSELF!

    And yes, there are days where my confidence wavers a bit...comes with the job and new situations or exaustion some days! I have learned to deal with that too with experience .

    People feel confidence should be in place in all people or that you can just tell yourself to have it. Naaaaaa it is a constant work in progress, it is flexible at times...and is just one of the steps in really knowing yourself well ...and something I find sooooo very worthy of my time !!!!!
  12. by   QTBabyNurse
    [font="century gothic"]you are treading into "unknown territory"...that is what is causing your anxiety....this is a new school, new job, new people and a new lifestyle that you will encounter....no doubt you will feel many emotions when thinking about this new undertaking.

    you sound like a very caring and compassionate person who wants to "make a difference"....those are the types of people that we need in this profession, so i applaud you for listening to your calling and taking the plunge to find a more fullfilling career for yourself.

    nursing is an extremely difficult profession and you will come home from school feeling like you have not one ounce of mental or physical energy left. some days you will feel like you don't want to do this anymore.....i kept a saying on my bathroom mirror when i started out that said "things are always difficult before they become easy"....it helped me to remember that i would get to an easier time....and i did!

    make sure you stay kind to yourself....say kind words.....compliment yourself....give yourself time and space to learn.....you will not know how to be a nurse after the first semester or two of school....you will "grow" into being a nurse. try to learn something new from every patient that you take care of.

    i went into nursing as a second career....i didn't graduate until i was 36.....now after 9 years in the hospital setting, i have decided to go back to school to get my msn to teach. you never stop learning and you never stop wanting to make a difference. best of luck in your journey!
  13. by   RunningWithScissors
    Want to trade jobs?

    Seriously, there are MANY of us who would give our eye-teeth to have a "comfortable paying" desk job at a telecommunications company with great co-workers.........glad you have a calling. (I thought only nuns and priests got those). You will need all the will power and drive in the next few decades.

    What I'm saying is, trust your gut instinct. If you are feeling ill at ease about quitting a comfy job for nursing then you should listen to that little voice. Remember, the things you see on the discovery channel are not really how it is in real life on a day-to-day basis.

    Obviously, you are having some serious second thoughts about this major career change (and displacing your 10-year old in your pursuit of a nursing degree??)

    I guess I'll get flamed for this, but it's just a reality check. Consider the source; I'm backed into a corner in my job with a witch for a manager and no hope of transfer to anything better, and trapped due to the salary I'm currently making (trust me, your family will come to depend on your income and there's NO WAY OUT!!!)
  14. by   shoegalRN
    Quote from RunningWithScissors
    Want to trade jobs?

    Seriously, there are MANY of us who would give our eye-teeth to have a "comfortable paying" desk job at a telecommunications company with great co-workers.........glad you have a calling. (I thought only nuns and priests got those). You will need all the will power and drive in the next few decades.

    What I'm saying is, trust your gut instinct. If you are feeling ill at ease about quitting a comfy job for nursing then you should listen to that little voice. Remember, the things you see on the discovery channel are not really how it is in real life on a day-to-day basis.

    Obviously, you are having some serious second thoughts about this major career change (and displacing your 10-year old in your pursuit of a nursing degree??)

    I guess I'll get flamed for this, but it's just a reality check. Consider the source; I'm backed into a corner in my job with a witch for a manager and no hope of transfer to anything better, and trapped due to the salary I'm currently making (trust me, your family will come to depend on your income and there's NO WAY OUT!!!)
    Just to be clear, I'm not "displacing mys son". His father is a VERY big part of his life and has been since DAY ONE and he see's him everyday. I merely agreed to let my son attend school from his father's house. He will catch the bus to his house and on the days I don't have a full study load, I will go pick him up. Can't be any worse than the long 12 hours days I was pulling doing mandatory OT at my current job and he stayed with his father THEN.

    I feel that I'm being anxious because of the transition, period. The money is good, however, I am NOT happy with the work that I do. I do understand that there is positive and negatives with EVERY job, but I'm really trying to focus on the positive right now.

    I'm sorry you are not happy in your job.

close