Ever have a patient comment on his lack of size?

pagandeva2000, LPN · Mar 20, 2008

I felt so embarrassed. :imbar
I had to cath this man who was in his 40's, he ended up having to go for emergency surgery, he was in agonizing abd pain with a perfed bowel. When I went to cath him he managed to mentioned that it was all shriveled up. (Incidentally, he actually appeared to be a normal sized male)
The surgeon actually wasn't sure if he was going to survive surgery, but he did come back with an A-line, CVP line, and a brand new ileostomy. On the second day I had him, he managed to go more in depth into the fact that he "doesn't have much down there that any girl would be interested in" and comments like that. Honestly, this man was totally average looking.
He was a very gentle man, mid 40s, gainfully employed, who still lives with his mother, who was really nice. I just didn't know how to handle this. I think this must have been a life long insecurity. I almost said to him that he wasn't actually small, he really wasn't, but I didn't want to act like I really notice this. But, I do have vast experience with this aspect of nursing, I do notice if a man looks either unusually larger or smaller than the average, and this man definately was actually probably better than average, especially since he was in a cold hospital room in agonizing pain.
Anyone ever run into this issue?

I just want to say that I run to read the threads you initiate, because you truly come up with good ones...insightful ones as well as hilarious.

I had a situation when I first started working as a clinic nurse in endocrine clinic. We administer depo-testosterone there, for various reasons, such as infertility, you know... Anyways, I usually just administer it in the butt and never get to see their goodies. One gentleman in particular asked me after I gave the shot "When is it going to grow?" and stupidly, I asked "what" and then...he showed me. I was totally amazed...I am probably larger than he is. I felt so bad for him, that I started looking in my drug books, on line, and whatever else and got no real idea how much larger it can actually get, how long, or anything. I sighed, and told him that when he comes back to his endocrine appointment, that he should really speak to his provider about his expectations. I never got over that... :no:

FireStarterRN, BSN, RN · Mar 21, 2008

Key issue: Lives with his mother.
Seriously, have you ever known very many men that were out-of-college, lived with their mother, that dated much?
I may sound cold, but his mother is probably verbally abusive...may be a Norman-Bates-type issue....he lived with his mother and she was forever telling him how worthless he was, so he never had the courage to leave. Women are going to see older men that still live with their mother as odd, and may not go out with them even if they have an attraction.
Stress may have contributed to his bowel problems as well.
He needs massive counseling.

Actually, his mother was there, she was extremely pleasant and mild mannered. She was in no way hovering or unduly interfering in her behavior, she was one of the more pleasant family members I've encountered. They seemed to have a very congenial relationship, there was nothing neurotic about the woman.

MarySunshine · Mar 21, 2008

I DC'd a foley on a guy about my age. I never even looked at his member to do this, it was covered up a bit by his gown and it just wasn't necessary to see it. But he kindof had his eyes closed (nervous) so I'm sure he assumed I looked during the procedure. He asked me if I noticed that he was uncircumcised. I was taken aback and didn't know how to respond. I actually just said, "No, I really didn't notice" and left it at that. I didn't know if he wanted affirmation or what. I don't want to be complimenting a guy's member but I also don't want to feed insecurity. Would it have been appropriate for me to say that there was nothing wrong with having a uncircumcised member? I didn't really know.

Miami NightNurse · Mar 21, 2008

I went to Cath a man once and he said "it's little" and I just said well I'd have to worry about you if you found this exciting. It was a frequent flyer patient I had taken care of for years. And that was the end of it Thank God. I don't know what the proper thing to say in that situation is. It was an awkward moment for me.

CHATSDALE · Mar 21, 2008

in a horse of a different color

one time a h-p was shown around the nurses station where the ob md had written 'large flaccid introductus' about a woman patient, this was prehippa but i still found it to be unprofessional

Penny8611 · Mar 21, 2008

Key issue: Lives with his mother.
Seriously, have you ever known very many men that were out-of-college, lived with their mother, that dated much?
I may sound cold, but his mother is probably verbally abusive...may be a Norman-Bates-type issue....he lived with his mother and she was forever telling him how worthless he was, so he never had the courage to leave. Women are going to see older men that still live with their mother as odd, and may not go out with them even if they have an attraction.
Stress may have contributed to his bowel problems as well.
He needs massive counseling.

Yep. This was the first thing that I thought, too.

The poor man.

Penny8611 · Mar 21, 2008

Actually, his mother was there, she was extremely pleasant and mild mannered. She was in no way hovering or unduly interfering in her behavior, she was one of the more pleasant family members I've encountered. They seemed to have a very congenial relationship, there was nothing neurotic about the woman.

Oh, there can be SO much more than meets the eye with situations like this. Unfortunately.

medsurgnurse, RN · Mar 21, 2008

pagandeva/I had a situation when I first started working as a clinic nurse in endocrine clinic. We administer depo-testosterone there, for various reasons, such as infertility, you know... Anyways, I usually just administer it in the butt and never get to see their goodies. One gentleman in particular asked me after I gave the shot "When is it going to grow?" and stupidly, I asked "what" and then...he showed me. I was totally amazed...I am probably larger than he is. I felt so bad for him, that I started looking in my drug books, on line, and whatever else and got no real idea how much larger it can actually get, how long, or anything. I sighed, and told him that when he comes back to his endocrine appointment, that he should really speak to his provider about his expectations. I never got over that... :no:

Pagandeva, could this individual have been intersexed. You know mixed organs of both male and female.

daisybaby, LPN · Mar 21, 2008

Sidestep the member-related responses completely. Say something like, "What I'm interested in is getting your pain under control/helping you get ready for home/teaching you about xyz...etc." Even the most well-intentioned response about private parts could be misconstrued.

aeauooo · Mar 21, 2008

I may sound cold, but his mother is probably verbally abusive...may be a Norman-Bates-type issue....he lived with his mother and she was forever telling him how worthless he was, so he never had the courage to leave.

Yeah, except that Norman Bates killed his mother and the voice that he heard was his own.

She wouldn't even harm a fly.

RN BSN 2009 · Mar 21, 2008

sounds like a good old fashioned psych consult wouldn't be a bad ideer..

SteveNNP, MSN, NP · Mar 21, 2008

Before I fled to the realm that is neonates, I was a PCT and nurse extern in ICU and a tele floor. Many times as I assisted men to the restroom, or with urinal/foley, they would make half-hearted statements about their size. It's a very sensitive and culturally promoted thing, like breast size in females is in today's hypersexed culture. I got the feeling that they were mentally preparing for being embarassed at their perceived "shortcomings. I've had women say similar things about their "saggy" breasts. It's really an attempt at shielding themselves emotionally, whether or not the shortcoming is realistic.

I usually ended up saying "don't worry about it, we're not having a contest today."

Now if ir became a continual attempt to draw attention to their genitalia, THAT's another ball of wax.

He just sounds sad and innocent. (naive)