Disgusting Behavior of Nurses

Nurses General Nursing

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maxthecat

243 Posts

I wish I could say I'm surprised, but I'm not. I work in the mental health field and from both observation and personal experience I can tell you that if you "come out" to your co-workers as ever having had a mental illness, you will be watched much more closely than a "normal." Now it's true that the person who is decompensating is often the last to notice something is wrong, but I note that people will say about someone who is just having a good day and is laughing and joking, "Oh, he must be getting manic." If someone happens to come in to work with less than immaculate hair or makeup the speculation starts, "Oh, they're starting to get depressed." I've also heard managers tell employees "You know everyone is talking about you, you seem moody." THAT makes it easy to keep your emotional equilibrium!

I'm glad to hear that your friend has an ally in the DON. And the nurse who made the ignorant comment--it IS ignorance and an example of how far we have to go to get rid of the stigma of mental illness. It is also inappropriate in the workplace and she should be disciplined.

iwanna

470 Posts

Specializes in behavioral health.

Some people are just downright ignorant in the comments they make. My mother volunteers at the church, once a week, making gnochi. There is one lady there(who is my mother's so-called friend and rides with her) that always comment on my mother's appearance. She is downright mean and crude to my mother. One day, the other ladies were commenting on how nice my mother's hair looked. And, her so-called friend, said yeah, I was getting ready to give her the money to get it done at the beauty shop. Honestly, all she did was make herself look bad in front of all of the ladies. They cannot believe that my mother puts up with her insulting mouth. I think this lady needs to be reminded of life's golden rule, about treating others as you would yourself. You would think people helping with the church would be kinder to one another.

leslie :-D

11,191 Posts

pagan, i'm so glad to hear your friend is doing well.

what she should do is verbally address this w/her, followed by a written summary of what was said.

have the DON add it to friend's file and the head nurse's.

your friend should not have to explain or defend herself.

only that personal comments, should be kept personal, and not spewed in front of an audience.

and that 'next time', you will make it a formal complaint.

but for now, it's over with...

let it go.

your friend has been through so much.

continue supporting her as you always have.

she has come such a long, long way.

let's not allow the head nurse's ignorance to be the focus.

both of you need to keep on smiling.:):)

leslie:)

JomoNurse

267 Posts

most nurses are mean to each other. sure, let's blame it on work conditions or or frustration. but to be plain simple about it, some nurses rotten, pathetic, people.

abbaking

441 Posts

Specializes in Telemetry, Med-Surg, ED, Psych.

It sounds like that head nurse needs 5 across her face - she keeps this attitude up - sooner or later she'll get it.

No, I do not premote violence, but being a guy I would rather have a situation like this solved "Old-school" style. Like I always say "If you can dish it out - be sure as heck you can take it"

Ruby Vee, BSN

17 Articles; 14,030 Posts

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
careful...just because someone tells you that you look like a trainwreck doesn't mean that it was racially motivated.

to me, to make that kind of assumption, is racist in and of itself.

that is the trouble with america...if someone of the same race makes a negative remark to you...then they are just being rude...if they are not of the same race, people assume they are being racist.

but i think we all need to be careful before we slap a racism sticker on it.

i'm sorry your friend was upset, but i agree that you cannot assume the remark was racially motivated. and, unless you saw your friend that day, you cannot be sure that she wasn't looking particularly unkempt.

SharonH, RN

2,144 Posts

Specializes in Med/Surg, Geriatrics.

My stomach was in knots as I was reading your post. I feel just terrible for what your friend experienced; that nurse was unprofessional and rude. However I disagree that this is because they were nurses.

I do think that race played a part in their reaction. When I chose to go natural several years ago, the reaction from some African-Americans can only be described as visceral. We have been so conditioned to view natural hair negatively and (when it is short that takes it to a completely level) that I am not the least bit surprised by what your friend experienced. Think about it, how many times have you heard the term "good hair"? I have known people to equate straightening their hair with good grooming a la washing it! Get that? Having kinky hair is equal to having dirty hair! Talk about self-hatred!

If your friend intends to continue to wear her hair in that style she is going to have to learn to love and accept herself and view negative reactions like that idiot head nurse as an example of a character defect. As her confidence grows, she will experience that stupidity less, at least they won't have the gall to say it to her face although I still occasionally get a few people who ask me why I wear my hair like this. It makes me kind of sad for them. On the other hand, I get a lot of positive reaction also and it reassures me that there are many, many women who are recognizing that they really are beautiful wearing their hair the way God gave it to us.

As for a lawsuit, a hostile environment is a hostile environment. Regardless of the race of the harasser, she can be sued for discrimination especially if she continues with her ignorant behavior. There is precedent.

Otessa, BSN, RN

1,601 Posts

To the OP-how horrible for someone to treat someone that way. It is one thing to bring up concerns about one's appearance in private-that is embarassing enough but NOT in front of all of those people!!

Let your friend know there are people that applaud her for taking her health seriously by taking her meds and staying healthy. I don't even know your friend and I want to weep with her and how she was treated

Otessa, BSN, RN

1,601 Posts

I'm really offended by that nurse's behavior. I am an African American woman and I wear my hair natural as well. Just last night while at work, I was asked about my "big hair" more than once. My hair is natural curly and I wear it in an afro puff pulled back while at work.

Some people really need to think before they open their mouths.

Maybe they were curious-especially since some people may have limited knowledge about your natural hair, just my 2 cents. It all does come down to how they ask though....

pagandeva2000, LPN

7,984 Posts

Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
i'm sorry your friend was upset, but i agree that you cannot assume the remark was racially motivated. and, unless you saw your friend that day, you cannot be sure that she wasn't looking particularly unkempt.

i didn't say that the remark was racially motivated and i wasn't present to see what my friend happened to look like this morning. i am african american as well, but do not personally care for dreaded styles, twists, etc...but that is a personal choice. it could have been that she did happen to look unkempt this morning, but again, i wasn't there. the issue that bothers me is that from what i see, each time i see her, she is neat and clean, even with her natural styled-non chemically treated hair...but to be embarassed in this manner was inappropriate no matter what one thinks. for a nurse in an authoritative position to take advantage by making remarks that are degrading and humiliating is unfair and it is not a therapeutic response...what if the remarks made by this woman were the very tip of the iceberg to make her go over the deep end? you feel helpless, because this is a person that can use her influence to make her work life incredibly difficult, she can write things in her evaluation that are slanted due to her own biases, so, most people will take these insults in, go home and look into their mirror and be ashamed of themselves for not feeling empowered to advocate for their personal dignity.

my friend makes it no secret that she is manic and she told me that the reason why is that if she does feel an attack coming on, she wants to feel free to say to her supervisors that she is not well and needs to go home-or may be absent for the time she has to be hospitalized. she also wants for others to see that in spite of their personal challenges, they can be productive members of society. she is particularly excellent in dealing with psych patients being brought in to deal with medical issues. she has a way of getting whatever information is needed and can make them focus due to her personal experience and knowing what she needs when she is manic herself.

i have deep admiration for my friend. i am witnessing her gain weight, lose some hair and yet, she is still out there every day trying to help others. she supports me, she treats patients and collagues with dignity and she did not deserve that.

pagandeva2000, LPN

7,984 Posts

Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
My stomach was in knots as I was reading your post. I feel just terrible for what your friend experienced; that nurse was unprofessional and rude. However I disagree that this is because they were nurses.

I do think that race played a part in their reaction. When I chose to go natural several years ago, the reaction from some African-Americans can only be described as visceral. We have been so conditioned to view natural hair negatively and (when it is short that takes it to a completely level) that I am not the least bit surprised by what your friend experienced. Think about it, how many times have you heard the term "good hair"? I have known people to equate straightening their hair with good grooming a la washing it! Get that? Having kinky hair is equal to having dirty hair! Talk about self-hatred!

If your friend intends to continue to wear her hair in that style she is going to have to learn to love and accept herself and view negative reactions like that idiot head nurse as an example of a character defect. As her confidence grows, she will experience that stupidity less, at least they won't have the gall to say it to her face although I still occasionally get a few people who ask me why I wear my hair like this. It makes me kind of sad for them. On the other hand, I get a lot of positive reaction also and it reassures me that there are many, many women who are recognizing that they really are beautiful wearing their hair the way God gave it to us.

As for a lawsuit, a hostile environment is a hostile environment. Regardless of the race of the harasser, she can be sued for discrimination especially if she continues with her ignorant behavior. There is precedent.

Allow me to again clarify...I know that this sort of behavior is global to all work places. The reason why I focused on this being bad for nurses in particular is because this is the sort of bullying that shakes people so badly that mistakes are made that impact negatively on patient care. If you have to come to work and know that your collagues, supervisors, managers, etc...are going to say cruel, hateful things, it cannot possibly make a person want to approach these same people to clarify things that can be detrimental to a patient who cannot help themselves.

How many times have nurses avoided contacting a physician about a patient need because they will be berated and insulted for interrupting a golf game? Take a wild guess on an order or procedure rather than ask the supervisor that calls you fat every time she sees you? Enough is enough!

pagandeva2000, LPN

7,984 Posts

Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.

I also want to take the time to thank all of you for your insights and support. Some of you know the story about my friend, I have agonized about this for some time to you all in the Premium Forum. And, I shared this just to show that the impact of words can really destroy people.

My friend is strong. I just got off of the telephone with her and she told me that she is now on vacation and is planning to go to Puerto Rico as originally organized. She said that she'll deal with this when she gets back.

Now, she is fortunate that she had the DON in her corner. How many of us are able to say the same thing? Many of us had to suffer in silence. Not good!

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