Dear Health Care Proxy

whichone'spink, BSN, RN · Sep 22, 2011

I wish more health care proxies would do that for their loved ones.

Rodoon, BSN, MSN, RN · Sep 22, 2011

Did you leave out a question? BTW, I agree with your statement.

Refer them to a social worker if you're concerned.

Ask if they'd like to consult clergy. It's hard to care for patients and guilty-feeling proxies.

blondy2061h, MSN, RN · Sep 22, 2011

No question. I had to call the health care proxy and tell him that his kidneys were failing, and did he want dialysis? He said no, but I could tell he felt guilty about it and kept trying to justify his decision. Sad.

Guest717236 · Sep 22, 2011

To the Health Care Proxy the patient is often a family member,

they are acting with care since there are emotions

involved in these decisions. You may not be judging, but you

may not have an idea how many other family members may be

voicing opinions. Often, when the patient was well, these family

members were absent or rarely seen visiting the patient.

Suddenly when the prognosis is very poor, they reappear...

to place a ton of pressure on the family member who is Proxy

(or Executor after the patient passes away.)

This may not be the case in your example, but has been the

situation I have seen often.

I agree, refer them to clergy or social worker for support if needed.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Sep 22, 2011

dear health care proxy of my patient,
you don't need to explain to me why you're choosing hospice instead of dialysis for your 90 year old relative. it's okay. you don't need to justify yourself. no one is judging you.

speak for yourself. i'm judging them!

they are obviously a person of strong character, common sense and many other virtues. good for them!

SweetseRN · Sep 22, 2011

Ruby Vee I am just curious, why are you judging them? I am not judging you, I just am having a hard time understanding what you are saying. What makes it wrong, in your opinion, to make a very sick, 90 year old patient a full code and deny them comfort care? I am not arguing, I would just like to understand where you are coming from.

pockunit, ADN, RN · Sep 22, 2011

I think you misread her post. She was judging the HCP as a wise person. It's a play on words.

chevyv, BSN, RN · Sep 23, 2011

Okay, cmon we do judge. I admit I judge the ones who's loved one is schizophrenic, weighs less than a 13yr old and is over 6ft tall, has an incurable illness, refuses medications that might help make day to day life a bit more bearable, and you haven't bother to see or call about in 8 months. Yet, you will not sign a No Code DNR paper. Really!!! Yes, I do judge. Ruby Vee is seeing this relative as compassionate as do I. My post, shows the uglier side. To see so much suffering go on and on makes me ill sometimes.

kcksk · Sep 23, 2011

hmmm how about Dear Health Care Proxy, Just because you are a health care proxy does not give you the right to information or to make decisions when your loved one is A&O x 3 and making all their own decisions.

Sorry, we were just having this conversation today. Needed to get it off my chest.

blondy2061h, MSN, RN · Sep 23, 2011

That's true. I do find myself judging in those situations. In oncology we get a lot of cases that go on too long. In the specific case my post was about, I got the vibe that the HCP thought I was going to disagree with him. I didn't. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when our conversation ended.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Sep 23, 2011

ruby vee i am just curious, why are you judging them? i am not judging you, i just am having a hard time understanding what you are saying. what makes it wrong, in your opinion, to make a very sick, 90 year old patient a full code and deny them comfort care? i am not arguing, i would just like to understand where you are coming from.

please re-read my second paragraph.