Dad just doesn't understand...

MommyandRN · May 9, 2011

OP, I could have written your post 16 years ago! My dad doesn't respect nurses. Since I declared my major and applied to nursing programs, he never again once asked me anything about my education or career. I have been a nurse for 12 years and he never asks me about my job. I was accepted to grad school (didnt end up going... yet) and he still has never acknowledged that to me. Ever. My mom is supportive though. I just had this conversation about this with my husband recently. It does hurt. But I think he is just old fashioned and sexist and ignorant about what a nursing career is. I wish I had my father's respect but I don't. I wish I could speak up about it but what's the point? He is aging now. I might say something at some point... we'll see. For now, I have respect from other people in my life, just not my father's. Hang in there, I know exactly how you feel. I am glad I am not the only one, and we aren't alone I am sure! Don't give up on nursing, it's great. Good luck!

carolmaccas66, BSN, RN · May 10, 2011

I was in your shoes when I was an 18yr old college student. I came home and announced that I was changing my major from biology to nursing. My father was furious; My mother, stunned. My father launched a tirade that you would have to hear to believe. Mostly it was along the lines of "You'll never have anything, you've always been nothing, and you'll be nothing til the day you die." He was mad because i didn't become a civil engineer. Seriously.
Well, I have to tell you the REST OF THE STORY...Fast forward about 28 years...Dad is dying of lung cancer, he's in very bad shape. I swoop in and get him to the intensive care. Then I nurse him for the next 28 days while he slowly drowns in his own fluids. His body is failing, but his mind is intense. In that time, Dad apologized to me. Several times. He cried about it, remembering how horrible he was to me, how he never helped me accomplish anything, but only stood on the sidelines waiting for me to fail. And he cried some more. At the end of his life, Dad was grabbing any nurse who would listen to him and told them his story. He bragged to everyone within earshot that "My daughter-the-nurse is here!" And then he'd go on to tell them how awful he had been and how sorry he was. One of his CNAs had 5 girls at home. Dad literally BEGGED this man to send his daughters to nursing school!
Don't write your dad off yet. I know that as a parent I only want my kids to succeed. Sometimes my idea of what their success would be is very different from what THEY want. I have learned to keep my mouth shut and support whatever it is that's important to them. Maybe your dad just needs some time to get his brain hooked up to his mouth. Stick to your guns and do what's best for YOU.

Fantastic story, thanks for sharing. You should put this story on Oprah!!! Someone should write to her and ask her to do a show on nurses!

carolmaccas66, BSN, RN · May 10, 2011

I have to add another post here, not as a parent, but as an aunty. I had hopes for my eldest niece and she ALWAYS used to come to me for advice re her career, contraception, etc and I always helped her do things such as completing the mountain of paperwork to get into study. I never, ever said to her: I have HIGH hopes for you, but just encouraged her to keep plugging away at study or whatever she wanted to do.

Well, she inevitably met the loser boyfriend, gave up her university studies where she was doing a double degree in Education, and had her first daughter. I was disappointed but didn't berate her, and tried to encourage her to continue studying something. She still wanted to finish some study herself. She had many, many problems with her current boyfriend, got pregnant again to try and 'keep him', and they split for a while. Now she had 2 young kids, no skills and no degree or college diploma/certificate. Her bf told her he didn't want the kids they have, & had no intention of caring for them. They were still sleeping together, so my niece had ANOTHER baby to try & hold onto her bf. They now live apart in different cities, he comes & goes as he pleases, and doesn't look after the kids. My niece never finished study, & now works in a supermarket. She's only casual & can be replaced any day of the week. One of her kids also has personality and anger problems, as his dad doesn't live with them & he has no male role model. I'm waiting for the announcement of the next baby that is coming along! (which we will all have to help care for).

My point is your Dad is only trying to do what is best for you. As an aunt, it is very hard - and also sad - to see your niece go on a downward spiral to nowhere and give everything up. We as parents/aunties/uncles really do have your best interests at heart and WANT you to be happy. I sometimes think myself and my nieces parents/grandparents were too blase re what was happening to her. We should have perhaps shown her some stories of people who hadn't finished study & lost everything, I don't know. My niece could have finished by now, travelled and had a fantastic career.

You DO have to make yourself happy, but ur Dad only wants what he thinks is best for you. And remember, in the old days, a doctor was seen as the pinnacle of the medical profession, and nurses were seen as the lowly job (I wonder if much has changed in that regard!), so he would have been brought up to be respectful to doctors and kowtow to them, etc.

So if anyone else is reading this & thinking of giving up studies to get married, or live with your bf, at LEAST stay on contraception for a while and slug it out - try to talk to ur parents & get them to read the wonderful stories on here of everything that nurses have to do and put up with. Maybe then they will understand a bit. And parents and aunties really DO want what is best for you!

kool-aide, RN · May 10, 2011

Thank you to everyone who replied!

I would like to say that I do know that my Dad wants the best for me, but in my opinion that is what I decide will make me the most happy in my life and I think he still needs to realize that. He really isn't just set on me being a doctor, he just wants me to do anything in the medical field(because that's the only field I've shown interest in...) that makes a lot of money, and I also think he can be sexist about who he believes should be a nurse. He doesn't get angry with me for my career choice or claim that he will disown me like some posters have said about their fathers, but I can tell that he isn't completely happy with my decision. I'm pretty sure he is of the mindset that it doesn't matter what I do as long as I make a lot of money, and thinks that there's not a huge difference between all allied health jobs (ie: RN, RT, OT, PT, etc) so why not go for what makes more money? :uhoh3:

To those of you encouraging me to consider medicine as a career, no thank you!

There's NO WAY I would ever go to school for 10+ years!
The hours are insane.
I plan to have a family and focus on other things in my life besides my career, medicine does not(easily) afford those luxuries!
The number of lawsuits is huge in medicine, depending on specialty.
Nursing gives me much more variety in pts and specialties.
I can go home from work in the morning and leave work at work, another luxury medicine does not afford!
I like to actually work with people and take care of them.

As you can see, my mind is made up. :up: Although, I appreciate and respect all replies regarding this suggestion. :jester: