Asking a guy out?

  1. This sounds like a dumb question I know...but for those of us who are newly single, it's doesn't seem dumb


    Anyway here's the story...there's this guy that has been doing something for me, in a professional capacity, but I have never met him...only spoken to him on the phone. Anyway, we have been getting on really well on the phone...have 'clicked' pretty well.
    The service that he was doing for me is now complete and I expect to get a bill soon in the mail. And so, expect phone calls to be over... for now...
    But I want to know...
    [a] if he is married
    [b] if he wants to go out

    Should I pick up the phone and ask him outright for a date
    ...but what phraseology should I use to find out if he is attached?
    Or should I wait for the bill...and perhaps call him to chat about it?
    Could any of you more experienced allnurse daters pls give me your thoughts
    Thanks
    Last edit by ziggyRn on Jan 20, '03
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  2. 7 Comments

  3. by   BellaTerra2002
    The best approach is the direct approach. Take three deep breaths and call him. Say something like, "I really enjoyed talking with you over the phone (or our talks over the phone or our phone conversations or I like the sound of your voice over the phone). If you're not married or going with someone, I was wondering if you would like to out to dinner in the next week or two. I'll pick up the tab or I'll buy or my treat."

    You have to realize that guys have been doing this for ages, not knowing whether or not they're going to be rejected (although I admit it far easier when it's in person and the guy -- or gal -- has an idea of whether or not the person they are asking out is married or attached). So just GO FOR IT! And if he's married or going with someone, oh well. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. No pain, no gain. :-) Just do it. You've got nothing to lose. Not even your dignity, if the answer is not what you want.

    Good luck and let us know what happens.
  4. by   mario_ragucci
    I'm not an experienced dater and am a long time single/never been married individual. The best way is to express yourself. "I'd like to know if we can do something together." "say, would you like to be friends?" "Your a cool person. Where do you go for fun?" "I think your cool, can I take you out for lunch/dinner?"

    Lol, I'd like some advice on how a single guy should ask out a married women. Lol. Like, when something you just described happens to you and the other person is married, should you stop? It's hard to surpress your feelings, especially when you just want to make someone else feel good because you admire/like them. Sigh, all the good women are either married or divorced. Sigh!
  5. by   ziggyRn
    I like your approach Bella...but I am really nervous because have never ever asked a guy out before...
    oh forgot...the med student, back in 1980, when I was a student...anyway, he said yes...but it turned out that he was engaged...but he still went on the date anyway...I was embarrassed and felt such a dick :imbar ...I can still remember it.
    Is there an easy way to find out if he is married? Maybe i can go and look at birth, death and marriage records somewhere

    I have already done a search on the internet and have found that he is sporty...local mountain biking competition winner...
    so at least i know that he's fit and in good shape
    That's a good start...now if i can find out if he is good looking
  6. by   NurseWeasel
    Ziggy: JUST ASK. If he *is* committed, he'll be totally flattered that you asked but will hopefully tell the truth. If he lies, that's HIS bad not yours. Nothing ventured nothing gained. ASK.

    Mario: *sigh* Your question is not a lol matter. But I'll answer it anyway. If you ask and the other person replies that they are married, STOP. Suppress your feelings, walk away, keep it friendly but NO MORE. Do not push for more. If they were interested in a relationship with you even though they were married, they would say so directly, as in "yeah but so what". Any other reply means "YES I am married, thank you for asking, but NO I do not want to go out with / have sex with / become soul mates with you."

    If you do get the "yeah but so what" response, use your own judgment. But I will say that you often get what you deserve in those situations. It very seldom works out. Either the person is just looking for sex on the side (in which case you're probably one of many) or they're unhappy in their marriage and looking for someone to rescue them (do you *really* want to take on all that baggage?), or they think they're happy or secure in their marriage but intrigued by the idea of an affair (in which case they'll never willingly leave their spouse, opening a huge can of worms if a) you fall in love with them or b) they confess everything to the spouse due to guilt). Don't go there.

    As to your other comments, you're treading on thin ice bucko. WTF does it matter if someone's divorced? Does that make them less of a person? Less desirable because they once gave their heart to someone who didn't treat it well? Shyt happens, Mario. Deal with it. And you know as well as we do that NOT all the good women are married. You just aren't looking in the right places, or give up too easily (doubt that!), or need to expand your definition of 'good'.

    Yes, sometimes it is hard to "surpress your feelings, especially when you just want to make someone else feel good because you admire/like them" (sic). However, there are social parameters that need to be respected. Smiling, being friendly, and even a little mild flirting all in the name of fun are fine. But know where that line is (between flattery and horndog) and stay away from it. Learn to pick up on social cues and when someone is telling you with their body language (or words!) to back off.

    You wouldn't like it if someone was hitting on your beautiful wife, trying to entice her into a "date" would you??? Then don't do it to someone else. It's a good way to a) die b) get the snot beat out of ya or at the very least c) get your heart broken.

    Gawd. Enough said.

    Ziggy, sorry to intrude on your message. But the thing is, don't be afraid to ask. At least you're being honest and forthright by asking. No slinking around, no wondering forever and pining for the potential lost love. Once you have your answer you can go on from there, whichever way the path leads. Good luck to you.
  7. by   flowerchild
    18 years ago, I asked my hubby out on our first date. Worked for me!
  8. by   renerian
    I agree with bellaterra....

    renerian
  9. by   sjoe
    There is a forum entitled "off topic--just conversation" for this kind of discussion.

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