Am I crazy or just a masochist?

  1. I truly must be a glutton for punishment.


    For the last year I have devoted all my spare time (beyond my full time employment), to furthering my education. I had made the decision after I took a new job in July of 2001 that I needed to do this. I felt my brain was atrophying from 3 years of not challenging myself intellectually. My spelling and grammer were doing down the hill [I cringed when I looked at my charting and saw spelling mistakes that I hadn't made since I was 12], I was was living in a depressive stupor and I had to do something about it. It had really been a letdown for me when I had finally graduated from my nursing training. I felt rudderless to not be working toward so kind of goal.

    Since I already had my bachelor's degree in nursing, I decided to obtain my certification in Gerontology (my chosen area of nursing). I studied my ass off for 6 months, went to the library in my days off and read any textbook I could get my hands on that was about geriatric nursing. On top of this I attended weekly lectures from a geriatric interest series. All this was paid for out of my own pocket, and had no impact on my job placement (we do not get CE credits here in Canada). In April, during a very stressful time (during which my nursing union was threatening to strike) I wrote my certification exam. BTW this part of my life co-incides with my discovery of Allnurses.com. I passed and received my GNC(C) designation. I considered for a time pursuing the American (more universally accepted) version of this designation. I was at a loss for what to do as an encore.

    I am not comfortable with leaving my designation as general duty nurse yet -- I have only been a nurse for 4 years and feel that I am not finished the kind of learning you can only get at the bedside.

    I decided that needed to now try working toward my Masters of Nursing. Although I was a B student in my undergraduate studies, I only received Cs in Recearch Methods and Statistics (the two single courses that count in acceptence into Grad school). I decided to redo these courses and just take things a day at a time as I worked out getting my qualifications to apply. I currently am averaging a B+ in Research Methods.

    I have spoken to a student advisor and also a friend who is himself studying for his masters in nursing. I am a little discouraged now after all this work. Is this goal attainable? Am I wasting my time? Should I be devoting my time to looking for a husband? Am I smart enough to even get in? My borderline 3.0 GPA just barely qualifies me to apply.

    The application process for getting into my University of Choice makes me really uneasy. First of all, they only accept 10 people a year into the program. Second, (and they were very blunt and open with saying this) they give preference to people who are recommended by profs in the Faculty of Nursing -- and I have no chance unless I provide at least 2 of these recommendations with my application. Doesn't this sound like some kind of "old boys club"? I am not a kiss-ass, infact I'm quite shy and am not very comfortable with introducing myself to people. I am completely at a loss at how I'm gonna become buddies with these academics. It would be wonderful if I could just let my hard work speak for myself. I have made a good name for myself at work and I am well known for my ambitionsness and personal accomplishments on the unit. I even know some of the big-wigs at work from my work on committees. Their opinions of me, unfortunately will not count for a lot.

    I don't want to stop fighting, but should I? I'd hate to think that I am wasting my time and money.
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  2. 6 Comments

  3. by   sjoe
    Can't you be both?
  4. by   whipping girl in 07
    I think it's great that you want to further your education. I've been out of school for almost a year now and I have been constantly taking classes and getting CEUs (even though they are not required for my first year's license renewal). I was going to study for the GRE and then the CCRN, but I've decided to reverse the order, because I will probably be moving in the next year or so, and I want to have that certification BEFORE I change jobs.

    I am assuming you are applying to a school that you have not attended before? The CON I graduated from has a master's program and I got to know some of the instructors before I graduated with my BSN. So if I were to apply there, I'd already know some people. But I have no desire to do that, so I'm going to have to suck it up and NETWORK. I don't really like breaking the ice with people I don't know, but once I get past that initial introduction, I'm usually OK. Sounds like you're going to have to do the same. Maybe make an appointment to meet with the dean or academic advisor, or try to attend a nursing meeting you know some of them will be at. Then talk to them, let them know how interested you are in their program, do some research so you have some facts up your sleeve (I saw that your graduation rate is so&so percent; or I read that every one of your faculty is published; or even better...I read so&so faculty member's paper on thus&such and I thought...) You don't want to come across as phony and suckup, but I don't think you will if you are truly interested in the institution.

    Good luck to you in your pursuit of self-actualization.

    Oh, my, that last line was truly cheezy!
  5. by   adrienurse
    No, Actually, I want to go back to the place where I got my first degree. What can I say, I don't know if I was memorable in a good way to my profs. I was (and still am) a bit of a square peg). I'm also very shy, so I didn't make any lasting friendships with my profs.

    I know it, I need to network. I shudder at the thought, but I need to pimp myself -- and get going soon.
  6. by   JailRN
    Good for you. No education is wasted, ever. But, yep, you're probably a masochist.
  7. by   whipping girl in 07
    A little masochism gets things done!

    I never would have made it through nursing school if I wasn't a sucker for punishment.
  8. by   researchrabbit
    If you need a goal to work toward, and graduate nursing school is too stressful now, how about a different degree (maybe one to challenge the other side of your brain?)...art classes, literature?

    Indepth knowledge is WONDERFUL -- don't get me wrong -- but sometimes you need something else to balance what you have.

    But if grad nursing is what you want...and want NOW...then go for it! You will only have regrets if you don't try.

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