A Father's Tears - page 6

I received his mother, AA, to a room on our floor shortly after midnight one night. She had presented to ER at 15+ weeks gestation with ruptured membranes and intermittent vaginal bleeding; the OB... Read More

  1. by   ElvishDNP
    Quote from Pinkmegan
    A beautiful, moving story, so well told. When our daughter died my husband was so numb with grief that he could not even shed a tear. In my own grief I felt his pain as he is an emotional person who can cry at sad TV shows, films etc. Others might have found him hard and uncaring but, knowing him as I did, after 10 yrs of marriage, most of which had been spent trying for a baby, I knew his grief was way off the scale for any show of any emotions.
    This happened in 1984. Our baby was 14 months old. She had an ASD, VSD & pulmonary hypertension. She needed a heart & lung transplant but, back then, they were in their infancy so not available for her. They operated to try to close the defects but the pressure from her lungs was too great. I can't say that she died peacefully as she was in the midst of a resuscitation attempt which involved her wound being torn open to allow direct heart massage. I asked them to stop but was told they could not. Had she lived she would have had, at the most, a few years of poor quality of life with severe breathing problems. I'm happy that she was spared that. She was our only child and still is.
    Pinkmegan, I am so so sorry for the loss of your sweet daughter. Thank you for this heartfelt response, and I pray that you and your husband have found peace.
  2. by   simonemyheart
    Thank you, that was an amazing story.
  3. by   HisTreasure
    I am a doula and this... this... Just. Thank you.
  4. by   NurseReturner
    Beautiful, moving and thought - provoking.
    Thank you.
  5. by   MarieG
    Hey. Thank you for this! I lost a baby two years ago of 16 weeks. It was a horrible experience becauae the nursing staff wanted me to deliver in the emergency ward. I refused and was not very nice during my refusal. They refused even harder and my obgyn who is also my family doctor came to my rescue. She told them to just give me a room and she would take charge of me. As a nurse i realized what that meant. No nurse to assist my doctor. I could not get a Peri, no bath, no ball no pain meds, no nurse. My husband who is also a nurse begged for some pain reliever. I got 30mg morphine im. No nurse to assess for repiratory depression. My husband put alarms on watch and woke up to assess. But when that beautiful Kaylia came to this world the post partum team kicked in. And u know what! They did exactly what u did. They encouraged us to hold her, keep her warm, blankets and hat, pictures.
    Unfortunatly my husband had to be tough cause there was no one to care for me other then dr who was coming in every 3 hours for more cytotec during the birth. But after the birth, when i was finally taken in charge by nurses, i could never forget the utter despair i saw in his eyes when he held our daughter. Men suffer a lot and no one even talks about it. Thank u for this. Thank u for showing me that my experience is unique and there are nice teams out there. Very touching.
  6. by   MarieG
    Ooos. Just realized this was an old post.... How come it showed up as new?
  7. by   ElvishDNP
    Quote from MarieG
    Ooos. Just realized this was an old post.... How come it showed up as new?
    Thank you so much for your kind words. I am so sorry your experience was not what it should have been, and I hope you find (or have found) healing.

    Someone else found this thread a day or two ago and commented on it, which kind of kicked it back up to the top of the forum....so that's why you saw it!
  8. by   RNBillieBSN
    I do not know this from a nursing stand point, but rather a familial one. My cousin has had two babies lost to fetal demise. Birth girls: her first pregnancy, Allison, she carried full-term, but was told at seven months that her baby had anencephaly. She went into labor and Allison died approximately two hours before her birth. She was told that she did not look like a baby so my cousin never got to see her. But the funeral director told her and her devoted husband that after he dressed her and put her little cap on her, you could not tell anything was wrong with her. Then she had two healthy sons, and got pregnant a fourth time. She had just found out this baby was also a girl, when the next day she felt a sharpness in her abdomen and then nothing. Little Catherine had died. They did not know until her birth when the amniotic fluid was milky and had a terrible odor, that infection caused her death. She grieved for her.
  9. by   iluvivt
    This so reminded me a recent article that I read that discussed how providing medical care,in this case nursing care,how every day they stare into the abyss of humanity and how they are party to agony and despair. Providing nursing care can have profound effects on caregivers.
  10. by   Txldy
    What a beautiful, loving thing you did. I am glad this baby's family happened upon you as their nurse.
  11. by   BBogdon
    I remember when I miscarried at only 2 months. My husband cried for hours just as I did. Daddies lose a life as well. Not just the momma.