I'm so scared and don't know what to do or what is actually going to happen to me. I just finished nursing school
in Dec 2008 and started my first job as a RN on a cardiac surgical floor in Feb 09. I don't even know why I applied for cardiac nursing, except that I thought it was interesting and the staff was nice. Now I completely regret that decision. The ward is incredibly busy, we get 4 pts on days and 5 pts on nights and the patients are quite acute. I've been having problems with everything and making so many horrible mistakes that now my practice is considered unsafe. I'm so tired, stressed out, and depressed. The manager and the educators have spoken to me about my problems and I told them I felt that maybe I should try a less busy and less acute area. I know the educators and manager want to help me, but I feel it's hopeless for me.
My coworker told me to try to tough it out on cardiac surgery as I've already been there for 3 months and starting to get to know the people and how things are done, but with my practice so unsafe, I'm really really scared of hurting someone. I feel like I'm doing worse as time goes by instead of improving. It sounds bad that I want to runaway from that unit, but I don't think I can handle it.
But to be honest, I don't even know where I can go as I know all wards are busy and with my practice this bad, who would even want to hire me? Everyone is just wondering how I even managed to pass nursing school. I'm not assertive or strong enough to find references to back me up if I were to try to find another job. Actually I'm probably the shyest, timid person you'd ever meet. I feel so stupid. I'm so scared of losing my license. I feel like I'm a crappy nurse/person. I don't want to give up nursing completely since I only just started and I just need to get the experience and find something that suits me.
My manager is trying to arrange a meeting for me with the nurses union on Monday. I honestly don't know what they would say to me, maybe I will lose my job/license. I have no idea how they would help me, as I don't know exactly what I want myself. I'm sorry, I just wanted to get my feelings out there. I'm so lonely and sad right now. It's just that I would like some advice as I don't know what I should do. I'm from BC, Canada by the way.