Rude to pt's family?

[RiverNurse]

Hi all,

It's been a while since I've complained... uh... I mean posted to this forum. Things have been going pretty well, I think, until the last few days.

I had a patient that had abx due at 1530 and his fluids also needed changing. The patient's family was in the room and 30 minutes prior approached me and talked with me about the patient, his condition, if I knew when the doctor would be in...

So... I am running to and fro, trying to be as efficient as possible and think that I'll change out the fluids in this patient's room and hang his abx. The family was in the room. I walked in and checked the bag. One of the family members asked if she was in the way - she wasn't. I told her that she was just fine and that she didnt' need to move. I finished what I was doing and left the room - asking if they needed anything. They answered no.

An hour later I get called to the nurses station. The charge nurse is there and tells me that I've been very rude to a patient's family and that I needed to apologize. I told the charge nurse what I'd done and said, and that I'd even helped this family to the nurses station. I was flabbergasted. I truly had NO CLUE that I had been rude. Of course, I apologized immediately.

I can be "outgoing" but that is usually forced. I am very quiet and introverted - even shy. In addition, I seem to have one of "those faces" whose expression looks angry - when in reality all I am doing is "focusing". Even when I try to paste a grin on my face, it usually fades when I am in "git er done" mode. I am wondering if there is something else I need to be doing - I consider myself polite and thoughtful - and work my A#$ off to get things done. It seems every day there is yet another thing I haven't done... or haven't done well... It gets so exhausting to pour myself into this and find that at the end of the day I come up short - again and again and again and again... after a while it has a real impact on who I am as a person - and not in a positive way. Rudenes isn't tolerated in my facility - I'm not being rude - yet I am *perceived* as being rude. I certainly don't want to compromise my position based someone's perception and, I admit, for as "out of proportion" as it is, I am scared that I am in deep trouble.

LOL... I'd like to apply for a personality transplant!

Thanks for listening... and for the input.

Shawna

[CCarpeDiem]

LOL... You know, now that I re-read my own post, I can't really figure it out either.

I was told to apologize for not acknowledging the pt's family when I went in to change the bag of fluids. I rather felt like a kindergartener at that point - and - the charge nurse is young enough to be my daughter - a moment of dissonance for me.

And so, I was rather confused (rightfully so) when I got home that night. Since then, in a moment of "desparation" and search for "clarity" - I decided to get back to a hugely ignored part of myself - a part I've ignored since I started working as a nurse... Here's what I did:

1. Digging out my Yoga mat and doing a marathon session of sun salutations...

2. Traipsing around a newly discovered bohemian neighborhood in the town where I've moved to

3. Cooking a bunch of curried rice and Dal Makhani

4. Looking at my musical instruments that I haven't touched since I went to work back in October. I eventually plan on getting them out and playing them - VERY soon.

So - at the conclusion of this weekend - I realized that I had done nothing wrong and had nothing to apologize for AND that I am going to look elsewhere for employment that will enhance and enrich me. That environment is not conducive to my career goals and I think this incident clarified that for me.

Y'all take care... many thanks...

Shawna

I'm happy to hear that.

There are some moments where "Customer is always right" not that I really see people in hospitals as 'customers' but this was not the case in your situation.

I'm really glad you're moving on.

=]

[MzMouse]

I too read through your original post several times trying to figure where the heck rudeness came into play! My impression is your charge nurse needs to see through some of this and have some faith in her staff. Families have every right to complain about truly rude behavior from health care workers, but not fawning over them as you try to care for their loved one is not rude.

You can't please everyone, I guess. I too am quiet and do my job without a lot of fanfare and chit-chit. I will admit to making more of an effort in the last few years to be more outgoing and give a little small talk, because I have found quiet can equal rude to people. It's inane, but it's true.

I have gotten back into yoga recently too. It's so calming and good for the soul.

[Natingale, EdD, RN]

You are too cute (personality implant LOL)

I dont think you came off rude, and I know those faces youre talking about. Youre in a zone, I'd rather have a focused nurse with a serious game face at my bedside versus having a happy go lucky nurse without the know how. "OOh look a shiney object, la de da"

Dont beat yourself up, at least its been brought to your attention. In the future if theres a family member just crack a smile before you leave the bedside. I think the charge nurse should pick her battles, unless you come off a certain way with all your co workers and its something they need to nip in the bud. Other than that, if you were in my staff, and I knowww Shawna takes her job very seriously she means no harm. I wouldnt even bring it up, I would tell the family member "Who Shawna? Im surprised ...yada yada yada"

Best of luck, the other posters are right you cant please everybody. Unfortunately.