New RN drowning

[babyrn3]

Hello all,

I have been reading through so many other threads trying to find comfort, and I figured it was finally time to join this forum myself. I am a not a babyrn as in I work with babies, but I am a new nurse working on a Med/surg floor nights 7p-7a. I have been on my own for about a month now and im feeing really down. I have read so many stories from other new grads that are struggling and I really do hope that what I am feeling is normal. Nursing for me has always been a struggle. I struggled in school though I studied very hard. I also had a hard time during my orientation and my preceptor was not very approachable and would always tell me that I wasn't quite "getting it". My manager told me that she felt I was just having trouble with my confidence. I cry before every shift and feel like im on information overload when i read through a pts chart at the beginning of shift. I get sick to my stomach when a doctor approaches me because i cant always remember everything about the patient they ask about. In the morning when i give report the other nurses always seem to find something that i forgot to do from the night before. I never forget anything that would cause harm to the patients but I feel awful just the same and worried that they picked up on something that never even occured to me to do. When i go home and sleep I have dreams that I am still at the hospital and my sleep cycle is really off. I cant enjoy my days off because i keep thinking about having to go back to work the following day. I really want to speed through this first year to see how things are going to end up for me. Thanks for letting me vent. Any stories of new grads feeling this way or any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

[babyrn3]

I had the same thing happen with my preceptor. She always told me that I wasn't "getting it" and it made me feel awful. When it was time for my "check up" I was told that they needed to see improvement within two weeks. At that point I was taking on a full patient load without any complaints from anyone with the exception of my preceptor who never seemed to be around. Being on my own has been much better. I agree completely with the doctor confusion. I never know who to call at night and when I do I have to write down word-for-word what is said so I dont hang up confused. Hopefully it gets better and I can absorb what they say without nerves getting to me. Thanks for sharing :)

[FLboundBSN]

I love this thread and am posting because I am a FIRST TIME NCLEX graduate!! And brand new RN!! I also want to be alerted and bookmark this thread.

I have zero experience as a nurse, never was an aide during school and had the worst clinical experiences being that I never did anything but a few heparin shots, and dc'd two male foleys and one IV. (Ya that's a run on sentence!)

i have interviewed with a small hospital to floating between a specialized floor and med surg floors. I hope to the heavens they call me back because I will take that job! Ya it's the first interview I have gone on but when I asked what made her contact me, she said my resume was very organized and she "liked the tone"!! She is probably the only real human that actually looked PAST my lack of knowledge and experience and saw something through my cover letter and resume that other commercial hospitals in my area haven't bothered to look at. I don't have a BSN YET - but I'm already almost there. The other hospital apps are so worried about having two years experience with a BSN that my apps probably get tossed and not even looked at.

Anyway, I am about to hopefully embark on a new job soon, whether it be this one or another and have the same concerns about being a new nurse, being with a preceptor and being judged cuz I'm just out of school. I pray that the nurses won't treat me like I was treated in nursing school (not very nice at all!) and instead, offer a smile, a pat on the back, or a hand to guide me through the next several months of being a new nurse.

Good luck to all that are starting new jobs soon. Let's stay in touch and support each other. There is so much that we can learn from each of our experiences and it helps to know that we can always come here to vent and to get that smile or hand to guide us. May we all be blessed!

[Missy7801]

I wish I had helpful tips for you but I am in your shoes as well, fairly new and having a hard time. I work with another new grad who has had nothing but smooth sailing and who tells me she thinks our job is easy and she wants to look for a more challenging unit - this has been really hard for me to listen to bc I am the complete opposite. I just wanted to say keep your head up, seeing how many people post here about their struggles has been oddly encouraging for me bc I know I'm not the only one and it must be more common than I think.

[jennyx33]

Hi FLboundBSN!

You are so lucky to have obtained your first hospital position so fast! It took me a little bit more than a year to find a hospital position and as I have mentioned before, I am starting next month. Looking forward to sharing the experience with everyone else! I am pretty anxious, nervous and excited all rolled up in one. I hope that the experienced nurse won't "eat the young"!

[FLboundBSN]

Hi FLboundBSN!

You are so lucky to have obtained your youngfirst hospital position so fast!"!

hii!! I didn't get an offer yet but I'm praying for it but glad you finally got something!!

[Flatlander]

Shame on all those people who have made you feel inadequate and overwhelmed! I have read this same story so many times on AllNurses, that I believe it is epidemic. There must be a better way to orient and train new nurses than to put them through hell, destroy their confidence, and create emotional train-wrecks. I'd love to hear how some hospitals have avoided this all-too-frequent pitfall in new nurse orientation. (It's like army boot camp or fraternity hazing... does this really produce the desired result?... is it really the most effective, efficient, and dare I say, humane way?)

[Curious1alwys, BSN, RN]

I wish I had helpful tips for you but I am in your shoes as well, fairly new and having a hard time. I work with another new grad who has had nothing but smooth sailing and who tells me she thinks our job is easy and she wants to look for a more challenging unit - this has been really hard for me to listen to bc I am the complete opposite. I just wanted to say keep your head up, seeing how many people post here about their struggles has been oddly encouraging for me bc I know I'm not the only one and it must be more common than I think.

LOL!! I hate those know-it-all new grads!!! You wonder what is wrong with you when you hear other new grads just RAVE about their experience and how not much about the job has been difficult for them...

[not2bblue]

You have never been a nurse before. You don't know what you are doing other than the basics you got in school (which right now don't seem to be all that realistic, right?) It isn't a crime to be new at something, but you might feel like it is. I would suggest that you continue to write things down. Listen, I have enough in my own life to remember without having to remember every detail on every patient I ever get!! Going through charts is great, but often your patient can give you more information to clarify what you read. Do a preliminary run through the chart, talk to the patient, then refer back to the chart. Spending too much time in the charts is overwhelming and can put you behind for the day.

You need to design a form to keep you organized. Mine had a column with my shift's hours on one side. Each hour had a box and I would write down what I needed to do for that hour. (Med due, drsg change, send to xray, check lab, ect) On the other side, there was a box for each pt with pertinent information. Use a single sheet for each pt if you need to. I developed mine over a series of years. If you are lucky enough to have a locker at work, keep it there so you don't accidently lose it or forget it for the next shift where you hopefully get the pts back. Be mindful that you need to take care of these pages so you don't violate HIPAA.

In the beginning you might need a 2 inch 3 ring binder to store your information. As time goes by it will become a clipboard, and eventually a piece of paper you keep in your pocket.

But right now you are LEARNING. Expecting that you know what to do is just ridiculous. Your preceptor may not be able to put her(him)self back in that place of not knowing so they expect more from you than they realistically should. Sort of like not knowing why 2+2 = 4, can you remember a time when you didn't know that? But you will get it. I will also say that sometimes that disconnect is because the unit isn't the right fit for you. You may find later that you don't like that area, and need to transfer. There will be a learning curve for every new job, but you will know when it is right.

Don't beat yourself up. One day it will make sense. But that may be a year or more. Don't give up!

[vw74vw]

So I just need to vent a bit about my last night. I've been off orientation for about a week and have had some pretty easy shifts, even leaving on time. Last night was the worst shift as of yet. I started out with four patients and felt pretty good, some complex surgical patients but nothing to bad. Then within an hour I got a direct admit which through off my whole night. There were no orders, the doc wasn't returning my pages, and the pt. had an insulin pump which I haven't seen before and direct admits take forever with all the charting. Everyone wanted pain meds at the same time, I had to start a heparin bolus and drip, which I haven't done before. There were so many new things that I haven't done which took twice as long to get done. The staff I work with are the best when it comes to teamwork, all offered to help give meds and do anything to help get me through the night. I'm so thankful for them because it would have been a nightmare without their help. I'm sure tonight will be better but man I didn't think I was going to get through the night. Just needed to vent a bit....thanks all. :)

[anh06005, MSN, APRN, NP]

We all have bad nights and considering yours was bad mostly because of new experiences that's really not too bad! I had 3 nights in a row of ROUGH patients (that is nursing hell). 3rd night my continuous bladder irrigation (now THAT is annoying) patient had his catheter "fall" out. No idea how. I was busy with my others so thankfully house supervisor and a nurse of 30+ years went and spent like 2 hrs trying to get the catheter back in. Felt so bad taking up their time. Finally I called uro (who isn't a very pleasant doc) and he somehow got in his head that the PCP was messing with the catheter so he said "if he [primary] wants to play urologist now is his time." He hung up on me. I was so stressed and overwhelmed but I called the on call for the primary (who of course had no idea what to do or what was going on) and while explaining things to him I broke down and ran to the bathroom crying. So the experienced nurse took the phone and told primary that uro basically being an a** while I ran off. While I was in there uro showed up and put catheter back in.

I'd have gladly taken new experiences. Just wait til you have one of the horrible nights cause it's horrible. We all have them though!! Part of the "fun"

Long rant but basically just saying enjoy these new experiences while you can lol.

[NurseB2014]

Ugh warning - whiny post. I'm almost to the end of my 3 month Nurse Residency program (off orientation in 2 weeks). I'm working ICU, and have been taking the standard patient load of 3 patients for the last 2 months. But I just don't feel like the job is "clicking" for me. My preceptor has been pretty good, but every shift there are so many things she has to tell me to do because I didn't even realize I needed to, etc. I hate calling doctors (I work night shift so they don't round during my shift). I'm always scared to death I'm going to miss something vital, or give a med that I should have held, etc. I hate hate hate getting new admissions - the whole process is overwhelming to me. I also have a new grad on my unit who is always asking me "why I'm having a hard time" or "what is so rough about the job to me" because she says she hasnt felt that way at all. I have a hard time with this because I've always taken pride in being smart - I was #1 in my class every semester of nursing school. Now I feel so dumb .

This is a second career for me, I did computer repair and networking for 9+ years before going to nursing school. My mom is a nurse and I'm good with people and enjoy feeling like I'm "helping" them so I thought nursing would be a good fit for me. Plus there was really nowhere to grow with the computer job, because this is such a small town. I aced nursing school, but never really loved clinicals but thought that it was just because I was in nursing school and hadnt really experienced real nursing yet. Thought I would like the work better once I graduated. Now I'm wondering if I have put my family through the hell of nursing school for no reason because I really think I should try to find another job that does not involve nursing at all! I just hate it. I don't feel like I'm ever going to start loving it. I really dont like any of it - giving meds, wounds, tube feedings, ventilators, drips, etc etc etc - I cannot find ONE thing that I like. I feel so guilty because I feel like I shouldve realized this before going all the way through school so I'm blaming myself for being in this situation. I'm putting my husband and my kids through hell because Im so miserable all the time. I dread going to work so bad my stomach actually hurts before my shift and I cry the whole way to work.

Sorry to whine I'm just not sure what to do. I know all new grads have a crappy first year this just feels like more than that. I wish I could find a job in a doctors office, and would even take the huge pay cut to get it but unfortunately the ones that hire nurses around here don't have openings. Most of the nurses that have those jobs keep them 30+ years.

I'm sure you all think I should just suck it up - but I honestly feels like if I stick with this I'm going to lose it. Would love to try a different job, but I know if I do that I'll probably blacklist myself at the hospital because I didn't stay very long after they put me through the residency program. Why didn't I just keep my computer job?

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

I am not in the "suck it up" group. If you hate it and have other options then take them. Life is too short and stress is too harmful to do otherwise.