I want OUT!!!! - page 7

Ok, here's the story. I don't want to put too much detail into this story due to my idenity. I am a new grad and accepted a position in an ICU. I have had several preceptors and I just don't... Read More

  1. by   pagandeva2000
    It sounds like the new nurse jitters in combination with the old nurses eat their young. You don't have to be social with these people, but I can understand why some may say to exchange little pleasentries, because these folks, love 'em or hate 'em, you have to work with them, even count on them because they do have more experience than you.

    I don't socialize with my co-workers very often, either, but I do make 'compromises'. An example of that is I don't celebrate Christmas and I told my head nurse this as well as informed her that I will not participate in the grab bag...however, instead of the $30 contribution (which I thought was too expensive), I gave $10 and made sure that I did as many patients I can to have the clinic end early so they can have their party. I just wanted to show that while I do not have their same interests, I will do my part to be reasonable for the team so they can celebrate their holiday. I do not seek them out socially, but am very approachable and can even be a chatterbox if the subject is interesting enough.

    I guess the main point I am trying to say is while it is okay not to want to socialize (and especially keep up with gossip-I don't either), don't leave yourself so out of the loop that you lose out on very necessary information to function.

    Best of luck to you! It does take time.
  2. by   surferbettycrocker
    i just want to comment. i work on telemetry. i have almost three years behind me. in nursing it feels like dog years but i know it's not. no offense but it does not always get 'easier'. i don't think a place like an ICU will ever get "easier". you are dealing with people hanging by a thread at times. what is ever easy about that?

    i read alot of comments about 'you don't need to leave nursing' 'hang in there it will get easier'. these comments can be true but they can also be a cliched line of bs. if you feel you need to leave nursing then do just that. for me and it is just my 2 cents--nothing about bedside nursing has gotten easier. codes arent easy. bed pans arent easy. sometimes iv's arent easy. angry or demented patients haven't gotten any easier.
    when people throw bland comments around--albeit to make you feel better-it backfires when maybe you give ityour all and it doesn't get any easier. you may think'whats wrong with me? why isnt it getting any easier? why am i still anxious and don't like my job"
    sorry this was part vent. anyhow--give it time, try a 'new specialty' but in the end if it hasnt eased up and you find your personality has changed for the worse--find something new. head back to school. life is too short. and the only thing that changes is the population of the ill and infirm that you deal with. nursing is nursing. skills are transferrable. heavy lifting is heavy lifting.

  3. by   birdietiel
    Hang in there. Because you care about your pt safety, and worry about how you're doing shows you are a good nurse. Many people are too confident and think they know everything. I also have nurses talk about other nurses behind their back, and I know they talk about me. I don't understand why they don't try harder to work as a team. Someone is always blaming someone else for something. I try to stay out of it, and just do my job. It really does wear on you. I also struggle with nursing judgement. I think it's because we're new. There is no way we could have been taught every scenario that could come up in school. The only way we will learn is from doing, from the experience. It helps if you work with people you like. Just try to trust your instincts. And so what if you call a Dr when it's something small. Better safe than sorry. Good luck, and I hope you stay in nursing, because you sound like a great nurse. hugs to you!
  4. by   SCSTxRN
    I agree with you to a point - the job doesn't get easier, but you do get better... and your confidence in your ability to do your job gets better. The skills become more automatic and you're able to just 'be you' and feel ok with that - and that is definitely better than freaking out all of the time over what, eventually, you realize is not the BIGGEST deal.

    And that's true in EVERY profession.

    That said - if you've trained and you still hate it - then yes, find another field... another field of nursing or another field all together.
  5. by   kocheli
    "this is god. today, as with every day, i will be handling all your problems.
    please remember that i do not need your help. if the devil happens to
    deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve
    it. kindly put it all in the sfjtd box (something for jesus to do). it will
    be addressed in my time. . .not yours. . .please be patient.

    do not become
    impatient and take it back out to see if you can find a solution. holding on
    or removal will delay the resolution of your problem."
    dear friend you should not leave your job,after reading your note i felt that you are sincere and hard working.it is appreciable and you will become a good nurse.i struggled a lot in my initial days ,i too decided to leave my job.but god saved me and now i proud to be a nurse
  6. by   shoegalRN
    I wanted to provide an update:

    I've been with the same preceptor for now two weeks. This certain preceptor don't think I'll make it in an acute care setting, her exact words. I'm tired of this. I've decided to transfer to the ER.

    I've also been applying for critical care positions at other hospitals. I know if I was in another hospital setting, I would be able to grow as an ICU nurse because for one, I wouldnt be so green, and for two, I think it would be a more supporting environment.

    I personally think I was a target because I asked for a change in preceptor. That particular preceptor was in the "clique" so shortly after that, I noticed none of the charge nurses would say too much to me, not even speak to me. The educator don't know if she's coming or going, and I believe she was upset with me because I didnt give her a chance to find me another preceptor (in her words).

    People talk and I believe the last preceptor had very high expectations of me for someone who is a new grad. She was inconsistant in her teaching, then if I forgot to chart a restraint assessment (required q 2 hours, but have up to end of shift to report), she would go off on a tanget in front of other people. She would be overly critical and then send emails to the director, the educator, and the charge nurses.

    I had a meeting with the DON who said she talked to a "couple" of people I've been with and they both said I wasnt up to par in my orientation where I should be. One of the two people are friends with original preceptor and I was only with her ONE time. I even asked her for feedback at the end of the shift and she told me I did good, but I should watch the monitor more. When I do watch the monitor and go and check on my pt, then I'm told I shouldnt run in the room at every alarm. So, I couldnt win for losing.

    I really want out of this toxic environment. I've never made a med error, never drew labs and sent down the wrong labels, nothing that was life threatening. I believe I've made simple mistakes like every other new grad when they are in orientation. I believe this was not a good learning environment, and I truly believe that this last preceptor was especially hard on me, because I overhead someone saying if you are with such and such, they want you out. This preceptor even told me in the beginning she is known for making people cry and she even bragged about getting an experienced nurse fired.

    I believe I would have much better success in the ER, and then maybe once I develop some confidence, I'll go back to the ICU in another hospital. I think because I am still a new grad, I am in a critical point of developing skills and confidence and this preceptor is aware of this and knew how to really make me doubt myself as a nurse period.

    I didnt give up on nursing. I just need a more supporting environment to learn and grow as a nurse.
  7. by   firefox828
    I wish you all the best... hope you find a new home.
  8. by   bblsw2002
    I understand what you are feeling. I feel the same way. i just got a job, and at times i feel like i do not know what i am doing and i am in constant fear of loosing my job. I constantly worry if i am doing a good job as a nurse, and at times i feel like what am i doing. i am so scared all the time. Just stick in there from one new nurse to another
  9. by   drgnys30
    i wanted to jump in here for just a moment...i have only read thru the first page of the post and i am appalled at the fact that you have a new preceptor every shift! and in a ICU for that matter!

    i too am a new grad that has been accepted into a Neonatal ICU...Our unit specifically pairs the new grad with one preceptor- for the whole orientation process...ours is a little different from most other units- intensive preceptorship with about 6 months on our own in the stepdown part of the unit, then intensive preceptorship in the main unit with the criticallist patients, then 6-12 months in the main unit.

    It sounds like you truly have the passion for nursing...very on top of things- i think it is natural for new grads to feel unconfident in such a place....please hold on...i think you will be great!
  10. by   NotReady4PrimeTime
    drgnys30, your orientation experience is NOT the norm these days, even in ICUs. On my unit (PICU) it's not uncommon for the orientee to be assigned at the last minute to whomever has the most appropriate assignment, regardless of how long that "preceptor" has been off orientation herself. On my last shift there were three orientees scheduled, and all three of them were partnered with people who had been off their own orientations less than six months. It's sink or swim, baby! (Not saying it's right, just saying it's happening.)