I want OUT!!!!

EnkeliRN · Dec 30, 2009

Well, after two shifts, I don't feel as bad as I once did, although I will admit I dreaded going in to work.
I didnt make deadly mistakes and my pts were still alive when I left. I caught changes in my assessment on one pt, called the doctor, and pt was ordered to CT. CT was negative, but still, better safe than sorry.
My preceptor this week is someone I've been with before. She gave some constructive and positive feedback and a few praises, which is not like her (to give praises). Last night, I even got my night bath done, both rooms stocked, my meds passed on time, even had two breaks and got out on time. I even offered to help my coworkers, but everyone was caught up.
I KNOW I can do this.

Kudos to you for planning to say after all.... :up:

:twocents:I'm a new grad with less than 6 month experience and yes, I work as a float nurse. The floors I work on consist of step-down tele/med-surg, urology/med-surg, & oncology. I'm not sure how but my orientation was only five-six weeks long. In all honesty, I have fathomed and looked for jobs around my area very often with my not long wrap sheet of experience. However, the only thing that keeps me going until this day is two things. 1) The words of those few great RNs that I work with echoing in my head, "Give it a time and you'll feel better day by day" and 2) Even if someone decides to hire me how do I know it won't be worst than this one, dealing with preceptor, learning the policy, the culture, etc.

On the lighter note ....I used to feel overwhelmed at the beginning & I even shade a few tears coming home. I often worked 14+ hours because of the long list of things that I had to do & I simply didn't have enough time to chart until my shift ended, etc. One thing I did and still do, I ask my colleagues plenty of questions. Thankfully, I work with a lot of great experienced nurses and they're always willing to answer my questions, if they didn't know the answer they help me find the answer. I'm finally learning how to prioritize my time, and many, many things very quickly. Before going to work, I tell myself over and over gain you can do this, even though it might be a different story when I leave from there ... Anyway, many nurses I spoke with, especially in their 1st year felt the same way I'm feeling now. So, I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Btw, I have always wanted to be an RN ever since I was little because I spent numerous times in a hospital setting getting treated for some sort of birth defect problem I had with my arms.

PS: Thank you to everyone for sharing your experiences, advises, etc. I learn something new every time when I visit this site.

EnkeliRN · Dec 30, 2009

duplicate post

SCSTxRN · Dec 31, 2009

.... I've come home every single morning in tears, worrying about what I didnt get done, wondering how I performed as a nurse the night before. I cry before I have to go to work and last week, I actually vomited before I went into the hospital.
I am always stressed out and all I do on my days off is sleep. I snap on my family and I don't want to be bothered. ....This has really caused a blow to my self confidence as a nurse and I really question my ability as a nurse and if nursing is really for me.
Last week, I was told by a coworker that I don't "socialize" enough and that I'm "antisocial". I don't want to sit around and gossip about people. ....
I hate it. I hate the culture of nursing. I really don't think I want to be a nurse anymore. I have been desperately searching for another job, any job so I can leave. I fear for my license and I fear for my patients. I fear I may not "catch" something and it may cause my pt to die. I struggle with my nursing judgment. .... I can't take this anymore.

FWIW, I went through a VERY similar experience when I first started teaching - actually, it was my last semester, during student teaching. I had the preceptor from he77, she stood in the hallway gossiping 20 minutes into EVERY 45 minute class, then came in and taught for 10 minutes, then went back out in the hallway and talked some more. When it was my turn to teach, I started with a bell ringer and was actively monitoring practice when the ending bell rang. She was rarely in the classroom, and she tried to fail me for, among other things, failure to interact with other teachers. I ended up protesting with the university until I made a C - enough to graduate, although it slaughtered my GPA. I will never forget the day she told me, "You think when you're finished with this you can just shut your door and teach your class - it will never be that way."

I taught for 10 years, and that is exactly the way that it was. I interacted professionally with staff members, and never had to engage myself as a lounge lizard. I won teacher of the year for my district. I mentored new teachers. I LOVE teaching. I hate the TAKS test, and TAKS is why I left.

Don't quit nursing yet. Give it a little time, look into other less stressful fields if you think you're not cut out for ICU - but I can't help but think given time to get more comfortable, you will excel. You care.

meluhn · Jan 1, 2010

When people criticize you harshly, in my experience, it is more about their need to feel superior than any major shortcoming of yours. Listen to the people who give you constructive criticism without trying to put you down. You mentioned a preceptor that was supportive, talk to your manager and ask if you can work her same schedule from now on. Ask someone you trust to give you honest feedback about how you are doing. Don't just take the word of nasty people who thrive on being mean. Nursing judgement is developed over time, dont beat yourself up about feeling unsure of yourself. Hang in there if you possibly can. Starting out in nursing is stressful anywhere you go but ICU is particularly stressful. good luck!

shoegalRN, RN · Jan 1, 2010

I just finished my 3rd day this week. Not too bad. I had two rather "stable" pts (as critically stable as one can be in the ICU) and I handled it quite well. The preceptor I had last night was only there to jump in if I needed help. I was caught up on my meds, did my night bath, my preceptor helped stock my rooms since she had nothing else to do. I passed my meds on time and even helped out my co-workers who had pts that were crashing.

My pts were both alive, clean, labs drawn, and meds passed on time when I gave report. My flowsheets were all filled out for dayshift and I gave report without my preceptor interrupting. She told me I did a very good job!

This morning I came home feeling like I can be ok on my own. I know that there will always be help available and I will never stop asking questions. I caught a low hemoglobin on one of my pts and spoke to the doc about transfusing blood. But I also told him pt HR is not tachy, and the BP is stable with a MAP >65, so you may want to have the PRBC's placed on hold in the lab. He agreed. My other pt's BP dropped to 88/40 with a MAP of 58, HR is not tachy so pt's not in shock, but I called and spoke to the doctor and suggested a bolus of NS. So, I'm putting the pieces together slowy but surely.

I think I will be okay once I get out of orientation.

SCSTxRN · Jan 1, 2010

YAY for you!!! Just a suggestion - you might want to keep a journal of sorts, and write down the good days and the bad. Because you'll still have bad days; it helps (at least it helped me) to be able to go back and read the good ones too - and (showing my math brain here) go back and calculate my ratio - okay, started out 3 good to 1 bad, now I'm at 7 good to 1 bad - today sucked, but it's getting better... :)

Good luck and Congrats.

pagandeva2000, LPN · Jan 4, 2010

It sounds like the new nurse jitters in combination with the old nurses eat their young. You don't have to be social with these people, but I can understand why some may say to exchange little pleasentries, because these folks, love 'em or hate 'em, you have to work with them, even count on them because they do have more experience than you.

I don't socialize with my co-workers very often, either, but I do make 'compromises'. An example of that is I don't celebrate Christmas and I told my head nurse this as well as informed her that I will not participate in the grab bag...however, instead of the $30 contribution (which I thought was too expensive), I gave $10 and made sure that I did as many patients I can to have the clinic end early so they can have their party. I just wanted to show that while I do not have their same interests, I will do my part to be reasonable for the team so they can celebrate their holiday. I do not seek them out socially, but am very approachable and can even be a chatterbox if the subject is interesting enough.

I guess the main point I am trying to say is while it is okay not to want to socialize (and especially keep up with gossip-I don't either), don't leave yourself so out of the loop that you lose out on very necessary information to function.

Best of luck to you! It does take time.

surferbettycrocker · Jan 5, 2010

i just want to comment. i work on telemetry. i have almost three years behind me. in nursing it feels like dog years but i know it's not. no offense but it does not always get 'easier'. i don't think a place like an ICU will ever get "easier". you are dealing with people hanging by a thread at times. what is ever easy about that?

i read alot of comments about 'you don't need to leave nursing' 'hang in there it will get easier'. these comments can be true but they can also be a cliched line of bs. if you feel you need to leave nursing then do just that. for me and it is just my 2 cents--nothing about bedside nursing has gotten easier. codes arent easy. bed pans arent easy. sometimes iv's arent easy. angry or demented patients haven't gotten any easier.

when people throw bland comments around--albeit to make you feel better-it backfires when maybe you give ityour all and it doesn't get any easier. you may think'whats wrong with me? why isnt it getting any easier? why am i still anxious and don't like my job"

sorry this was part vent. anyhow--give it time, try a 'new specialty' but in the end if it hasnt eased up and you find your personality has changed for the worse--find something new. head back to school. life is too short. and the only thing that changes is the population of the ill and infirm that you deal with. nursing is nursing. skills are transferrable. heavy lifting is heavy lifting.

:up:

birdietiel · Jan 5, 2010

Hang in there. Because you care about your pt safety, and worry about how you're doing shows you are a good nurse. Many people are too confident and think they know everything. I also have nurses talk about other nurses behind their back, and I know they talk about me. I don't understand why they don't try harder to work as a team. Someone is always blaming someone else for something. I try to stay out of it, and just do my job. It really does wear on you. I also struggle with nursing judgement. I think it's because we're new. There is no way we could have been taught every scenario that could come up in school. The only way we will learn is from doing, from the experience. It helps if you work with people you like. Just try to trust your instincts. And so what if you call a Dr when it's something small. Better safe than sorry. Good luck, and I hope you stay in nursing, because you sound like a great nurse. hugs to you!

SCSTxRN · Jan 5, 2010

I agree with you to a point - the job doesn't get easier, but you do get better... and your confidence in your ability to do your job gets better. The skills become more automatic and you're able to just 'be you' and feel ok with that - and that is definitely better than freaking out all of the time over what, eventually, you realize is not the BIGGEST deal.

And that's true in EVERY profession.

That said - if you've trained and you still hate it - then yes, find another field... another field of nursing or another field all together.

kocheli · Jan 5, 2010

"this is god. today, as with every day, i will be handling all your problems.

please remember that i do not need your help. if the devil happens to

deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve

it. kindly put it all in the sfjtd box (something for jesus to do). it will

be addressed in my time. . .not yours. . .please be patient.

do not become

impatient and take it back out to see if you can find a solution. holding on

or removal will delay the resolution of your problem."

dear friend you should not leave your job,after reading your note i felt that you are sincere and hard working.it is appreciable and you will become a good nurse.i struggled a lot in my initial days ,i too decided to leave my job.but god saved me and now i proud to be a nurse

shoegalRN, RN · Jan 15, 2010

I wanted to provide an update:

I've been with the same preceptor for now two weeks. This certain preceptor don't think I'll make it in an acute care setting, her exact words. I'm tired of this. I've decided to transfer to the ER.

I've also been applying for critical care positions at other hospitals. I know if I was in another hospital setting, I would be able to grow as an ICU nurse because for one, I wouldnt be so green, and for two, I think it would be a more supporting environment.

I personally think I was a target because I asked for a change in preceptor. That particular preceptor was in the "clique" so shortly after that, I noticed none of the charge nurses would say too much to me, not even speak to me. The educator don't know if she's coming or going, and I believe she was upset with me because I didnt give her a chance to find me another preceptor (in her words).

People talk and I believe the last preceptor had very high expectations of me for someone who is a new grad. She was inconsistant in her teaching, then if I forgot to chart a restraint assessment (required q 2 hours, but have up to end of shift to report), she would go off on a tanget in front of other people. She would be overly critical and then send emails to the director, the educator, and the charge nurses.

I had a meeting with the DON who said she talked to a "couple" of people I've been with and they both said I wasnt up to par in my orientation where I should be. One of the two people are friends with original preceptor and I was only with her ONE time. I even asked her for feedback at the end of the shift and she told me I did good, but I should watch the monitor more. When I do watch the monitor and go and check on my pt, then I'm told I shouldnt run in the room at every alarm. So, I couldnt win for losing.

I really want out of this toxic environment. I've never made a med error, never drew labs and sent down the wrong labels, nothing that was life threatening. I believe I've made simple mistakes like every other new grad when they are in orientation. I believe this was not a good learning environment, and I truly believe that this last preceptor was especially hard on me, because I overhead someone saying if you are with such and such, they want you out. This preceptor even told me in the beginning she is known for making people cry and she even bragged about getting an experienced nurse fired.

I believe I would have much better success in the ER, and then maybe once I develop some confidence, I'll go back to the ICU in another hospital. I think because I am still a new grad, I am in a critical point of developing skills and confidence and this preceptor is aware of this and knew how to really make me doubt myself as a nurse period.

I didnt give up on nursing. I just need a more supporting environment to learn and grow as a nurse.