I apologize.. - page 4

I apologize... To the DON: For giving me a chance to work on your unit. I apologize for the opportunity that was given to me as a new grad. I apologize for giving my notice effective immediately when I know you would be... Read More

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    Quote from letsbefriends
    I apologize...

    To the DON:

    For giving me a chance to work on your unit. I apologize for the opportunity that was given to me as a new grad. I apologize for giving my notice effective immediately when I know you would be put in a rut with one nurse down on the days I was scheduled. I had tried and tried, I work the best I could. You have to understand, given the circumstances, I am scared of losing my license when every week, an experienced nurse would threaten safe harbor due to high patient loads and no CNA. I tried and really tried hard to withstand it, knowing as a new grad it would take some time to adjust to. I can not admit, discharge and also be the transporter for patients when it is time for discharge. This takes 15 minutes of my time to take them four buildings away and have no one to watch my other patients. First week off orientation, you had given me unstable patients whom I can not handle.

    I had suffered panic attacks, anxiety, and sleepless nights. I had asked to switch to nights so I can adjust, you denied my request. During our meeting, I wanted it to end in good terms but you gave me the cold shoulder, and had said no one would hire me and it's because of you, I found another job. That is not the case, I had multiple job offers, offers in a speciality that was my dream job and had turned them down because I believe that my loyalty was to the hospital.

    I can no longer work in a toxic environment that does not take care of their own so in the end I had to take another job offer. No teamwork because all the nurses are overwhelm with their own workload. You would send a nurse home because we have a low census, adding more patients to all of us overwhelmed RNs. Most us nurses work 15 hours, when our shift should only be 12 hours has caused us all to burn out so quickly. Please I beg of you, please take it into consideration of putting more nurses on the schedule so your nurses can have a break, sit down and recuperate. You were once a nurse, please have some empathy. Every week, a nurse and interns quits, this is one of the reasons why.

    To the patients:

    I apologize for not being able to sit there and try to calm you down when you are scared and crying. I apologize for not providing you the best of care like you should have. I apologize when lunch arrives and I am unable to feed you in a timely manner due to a condition where you are unable to feed yourself without assistance. I am sorry, I am so sorry.. I apologize when you ask me to stay and talk to you for a little while when you're feeling lonely and seem abrupt and just give you a couple of words and run out of the room. You see I other patients who needs their meds, doctor's calling me, Lab calling me, chart checks, documentation. I would love to talk to you and try to comfort you,but with the workload, I can not.

    To the Nurses:

    Thank you for giving me the encouragement to leave stating if I stay here longer, I would lose my license. Thank you for being so understanding when I put in my notice. I had no intention of giving you a larger work load due to my absence. I am humbly appreciative of all you, especially my preceptor who has taught me so much.

    To the New Grads with no job offers as of yet:

    I apologize for making such a bad name for the new grads who have been trying for so long in finding a job. I am sorry.

    I know most of you that works with me and the DON visit this forum, my intent is to apologize, to try to release this feeling of guilt.

    Please excuse my grammar, I am crying at the moment, and it is hard to try and correct my grammatical mistakes.
    Dear New Grad,

    This is a story that is too familiar to me. I wish you the best of luck in your new position. You deserve it.

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    I quit a med unit after trying like mad to stick it out one year (I made it 11 months). I wasn't a new grad but it was my first RN job in a hospital. But I would NEVER apologize. I was not the one who made my situation what it was. Hell, they owe ME an apology.
    And yes, I'm employed and now work whenever I want (per diem: best-kept secret of nursing). Not sure why anyone would accept conditions of hospital work. I won't. Ever. Again.
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    I think almost every one of us have felt this way. You just managed to put it into words and take action. It's getting dangerous with the cutbacks in staffing. We all need to be wary
    CountyRat likes this.
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    Letsbefriends, we forgive you, you are free. Move on to that next job.
    chevyv likes this.
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    Wonderful!!! You advocated for yourself. Never be sorry for protecting your license. Because companies are out to look out for themselves. I would quit too and very happily. Especially if my quality of life was being affected.

    BIG HUG. THATs the WONDERFUL world of Nursing. We never was told that in nursing school.
    1gindragon2 likes this.
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    Sounds like you could've been working at my last job - which was also my first job as an RN!
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    Letters like this one should go to State, CMS, AHCA, TJC, and all those other regulatory agencies we know and love so that they can start fixing this mess and do the right thing. SMH.
    1gindragon2 likes this.
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    Oh my Lord, my hearts breaks for you reading this. I believe every nurse who wants to give 100% all of the time feels the exact same way you are feeling right now. There is not one sentence you have written I have not felt. Please forgive yourself for feeling so broken, and respect yourself for knowing what you can and can not handle which could have put one of your patients in harms way. The fact you put their safety first, even if it made you look like you were not strong enough to handle it tells me how incredible of a nurse you are. You will find your spot, and will know you made the right decision to leave the last place. Best wishes to you, and remember to keep your head up! Hugs!
    1gindragon2 likes this.
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    Keep your chin up, take a deep breath and drive on ! Good for you for having the insight to really see that you did not need that company.
    Now copy and paste this post in an official letter to your state board of nursing and to the hospital CEO and CNO. If they are a corporate entity I would also send a copy to the board of directors. Unfortunately most hospitals want to make money and their way of doing it is to have nurses work with the highest patient load based on the statistics of "safe" nursing. Who ever made that data and decided on the ratios have never worked with patients, and were probably not nurses!
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    What a bummer way to start your career! So, sit down and have a good cry. In fact, cry for a day or two (I'm a cryer). Then, take a deep breath and say, "This is just a JOB! J O B JOB!" Yes, you need one to pay bills, but no job is worth what that one put you through. You never want to be put in a position where you will a) wreck your health, b) almost kill somone or c) ACTUALLY kill someone! You WILL find a place that suits you. Also realize that even in a good job, you work with jerks, you will be understaffed sometimes, you will transport patients to Guam (isn't there another nurse in the unit with working legs??), you'll sometimes get your butt kicked up and down the unit and, what on Earth is a lunch break? I don't think I've had one since 1999! I still regularly work 14-18 hour days. Sometimes I have to cover a unit 100 miles from where I live and do the 15 hour day! But, I work with great people (a few jerks, but hey, God was pretty liberal with the sprinkling). It may take awhile, but you'll find a place much better suited for you. And, you'll learn to find your balance so you can actually spend time caring for your patients, and not just chasing paperwork and lab reports.

    Take heart my dear, we ALL get kicked! I just did a rapid response assignment a few months ago, and there were several dozen, well-seasoned nurses drinking down in the bar because we had all had the very same terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad day. Every. Last. One. And I got there late, so I missed the first wave. You are in fabulous, beautiful company

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