How do you deal with families?

Nurses New Nurse

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I must admit, I'm having a really tough time with the difficult family members.

I just can't believe, as a new nurse, what pains in the ***** people are nowadays. I mean, I can't even IMAGINE being a patient and being so demanding and rude to the staff as some of these people are.

They are rude, condescending, treat you like a waitress, yet WE are supposed to cater to these idiots?

It seems each and every one of them thinks they are the ONLY patient in the hospital. They can be sharing a room with one of your other patients, and SEE how you are being pulled, yet they STILL insist on being PIA's.

I've seen at least two women who were so dysfunctional and abusive of their hospitalized husband. . .it's as if their husband's disability just irks them so much -- then they take it out onthe docs and the hospital staff.

Sorry for the rant ...I'm just sort of in shock lately over it.

I felt so sorry for my preceptor who had a pt. who rang that call bell at least 100+ times during the day because she wanted to go home. Preceptor did backflips to get this lady discharged. Come discharge time, she tells the doc that now it's after 8 p.m. and she can't go home because she has no one to pick her up.

I mean ...people are SO ridiculous!!!!

Can anyone offer me some ideas or inspiration on how to cope as a new nurse?

first of all breeeeeeeeeeathe honey. :specs: i learned early on in my career that a nice nasty approach can make you feel much better. works for me but it takes practice.

Specializes in Cardiac Telemetry, ED.

With people that are normally reasonable but are just situationally stressed, I find that the most therapeutic approach is active listening. You don't have to agree or disagree with what they have to say, but just listen. Often people feel better after just knowing they've been heard, and maybe a little guilty at unloading on you, and will be much more calm and reasonable after.

For people that are unreasonable, well, I haven't quite managed to figure out how to handle them. I just go in and do what I need to do and get out. I make a point of telling them (firmly) that I will be back at such and such a time to do such and such. Since I won't be back for a while, is there anything I can do while you have me here now?

It doesn't always work. Some people are just unreasonable. That's how they live their lives.

Welcome to my world.

I do get irritated with demanding families who treat me like poo.

I use something my psych clinical instructor taught me. Remind yourself that you are the professional, you are the one with a clear mind, because it isn't your loved one in the hospital. You understand the disease process the patient is experiencing but the family may not. Remember all this, and try to bring them down a level. If you are irritated with them and short, it just brings them up a level in their irritation, and then you go up a notch and so on, until it is a no win situation. If you can diffuse it down a level, they will follow suit.

While this is a good plan and works a lot of the time, there are still families who will never stop treating you like poo. I just figure that they weren't taught any better, I can't fix that, and I'm not going to let them own my day by ruining it.

This took a little practice, but it works for me. Best of luck to you.

Specializes in Utilization Management.

Sometimes I'll totally defuse a family member's bad behavior by saying something like, "This situation must be awful for all of you. Have you eaten today and are you getting enough rest? We all want to be with our loved ones when they're ill, but it's hard. You need to keep your strength up too."

Honestly, some of these folks really are exhausted, frightened, and cranky from lack of sleep and food, waiting around in rooms for the latest test results, and having to put aside their needs for someone else's. They genuinely have no idea what's going on or what to expect.

As nurses, we've trained ourselves over a period of years to put aside our personal needs for others. That should be proof enough that it's not normal for the average person!

I know that because I was recently on the other side -- my DH had a heart attack and I was so freaked that even though he stayed on a unit that I had once worked on where I knew all the staff and I knew they were great, the strain on me was enormous. Thank goodness I had understanding coworkers and I could get the time off from work, but the worry and the stress really took its toll on me much more than my job ever did.

I really had no idea how difficult it was to just be there for a hospitalized family member.

It's best not to become emotionally invested in difficult family relationships. Treat difficult parents like 'customers', and keep the patient at the forefront in all you interventions. Stay focused on what's important, and don't sweat the small stuff. :up:

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