Help me with this situation

Nurses New Nurse

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I am still upset and so frustrated at this point tonight---so bear with me while I vent. This is long, so if you read until the end - thank you so much!

The situation:

I am working in my first nursing job on a very, very busy med-surg floor at an inter-city teaching hospital. We have 7 patients each and I am in 4/6 week of orientation (3rd week on unit). My preceptor is okay. She's a bit distracted by personal issues and is often unavailable to me. But, we get along well and I making it work.

The problem: another nurse on the unit (with her own preceptee) pulls me aside several times a week (but in front of others) and tells me that I am offending her in some way. It's all personal = I "look" stressed and need to stop it. I "sound" defensive when trying to give an explanation for why I did something. Last week she yelled at me about something, then later apologized (sort of) and said she was stressed, sick and on steroids. Today was the worst- she jumped all over me and said I had to put up with her --and any nurse on my unit -- criticizing me. Not for my nursing skills or anything related to patient care. This is all about my facial expressions when she's criticizing me or how I stand or what words I use. She also said that she talks differently to me than the more experienced nurses because I am a still on orientation. They have earned the right to be spoken to with respect but I have not. I've tried apologizing for offending her and said that I am just really focusing on my job and trying to keep on track. I am usually just barely keeping my head above water and often behind on things. It does not help when she gives me these talks.

I feel that this is BS and that I'm being bullied. I have heard about the "nurses eating their young" phenomenon. Am I overreacting or is this just wrong?

Also -

I stupidly shared my feelings with my preceptor today. I told her her that I was worried about my relationship with this other nurse. I told her that I sensed this other nurse was constantly angry with me and felt somewhat bullied. I asked her for advice about how to work with this nurse. She turned around and told this other nurse what I'd said. This led to a huge chewing out by the other nurse. I thought that my preceptor was supposed to have my back and help me navigate. I feel really let down and very alone. I don't want to let this other nurse break me down, but I am so frustrated now that I don't know what to do.

It's just so disappointing. i am trying so hard to get along and do my best here. I try to treat everyone with respect and kindness. What can I do to repair this situation?

Thanks for any advice kind nurses!!

Have you considered that she might be intimated by you? Ive had run-ins with a few girls/women like this and I drove myself crazy trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. I started sharing with people close to me and the feedback I got was that I come across very confident (which is funny to me because at times I feel anything but) and it makes certain personality types feel threatened. My advice is to put her in her place - firmly. I'd simply walk up to her and say, "I've done my best to be professional with you despite your behavior toward me, but I wont stand for this any longer. I'm here to do my job and I'd appreciate if you focused on yours. I answer to management, not you. If this continues, I'll be forced to follow the chain of command to make sure it's resolved." I'd then document what you said as well as her response and any more incidents moving forward until you're ready to make your case. I hate to say it, but there seems to be one of her everywhere you go. Don't give her that kind of control over you.

Good luck!!

Specializes in MS, OB.

Update!!

First, I want to thank all of you for your support and great advice. I am always so touched by the professional, caring attitude of the nurses on this site!

You guys were spot on with your assessment of the situation. It was a case of inappropriate, unprofessional behavior by my co-worker. I emailed my NM early this morning to set up a meeting for next week. Surprisingly, she called me on my cell (it's my day off) and told me that one of my co-workers had already come to her today and told her about the incident that she witnessed yesterday between me and the other nurse. My NM said that she talked to this nurse about her behavior and made it clear that she'd crossed the line. She also said that she was not surprised by this nurse's behavior.

The best part is that I am getting a new preceptor and two more full weeks of orientation. The NM apologized for how chaotic and disorganized my orientation on the unit has been. She said that she's been observing the interaction between me and my preceptor and sensed that I was not getting the proper educational experience. She said she waited to intervene because initially (after my first week of orientation) I had said that I thought things were going okay. I really think that she wants me to succeed and will support me to get there.

I was so relieved after talking to my NM. It restored my faith in nurses and especially my own workplace. I am re-inspired by the challenges ahead of me. I truly want to be a great nurse. I have plans for my future and know that I will learn so much on this unit.

So - new nurses and future nurses - know that there are good managers out there who want us to succeed. Even if you encounter a negative, unprofessional nurse in your workplace, you might also find co-workers who see your struggle and go to bat for you.

I am so grateful for and touched by the kindness of the co-worker who spoke up for me. I don't know how I am going to thank her, but I really want to show her how much I appreciate what she did. If I had to be the one to report this problem, I would forever have to deal with the fallout. By taking this on herself, my co-worker put herself on the line. It is just so amazing to me. This person is not a nurse, but a PCA and so she really stuck her neck out for me.

Anyway- I think this will end well. Now I just have to buckle down and finish my orientation. I am very excited to go back to work on Monday.

Thanks again everyone!!

Specializes in Psych.

What a great outcome. I am glad I read this entire thread because, I too, had some really bad experiences as a new nurse. Your NM sounds like a fair person. The most dangerous situation you can be in is when the nurse or nurses on a unit are like the one you described and "friends" with the manager. I have learned that is a very bad sign.

Sometimes. Not often.. But sometimes... A well placed "kiss my a**" is an appropriate response. Glad you got some backing. But there are times when you need to realize you are not in the wrong. Stand up for yourself. Be proud of who you are and what you do. Hugs.

I don't understand why you continue to apologize.. I might kill them with passive aggressive kindness, point out their own professional or personal faults, outright stare at her and ignore her. Some times a taste of their own medicine lets them know they have no authority and don't intimidate you. You have to figure out her standing with management before acting

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