Can't deal with it anymore

[pink_monster]

I graduated last May and took a job as a floor nurse on a step down icu unit. I'm a nervous worry/obsessive person by nature and I lack self-confidence. I know these are probably normal feelings for new nurses but it's getting to the point where I can't handle it. Our unit is frequently understaffed so in addition to all the negative feelings I have huge patient loads. I'm constantly worried I'll make mistakes because I'm so busy I don't even know what I'm doing half the time. I walk around the hallways every night in a cold sweat like I've got a ticking time bomb strapped to my chest. Whenever I know I'll be working the next day I have terrible nightmares. I want to learn but I can't realistically process anything. I just hate not being able to be the kind of nurse I wanted to be. I guess that's the shock of the "real world". I can't spend much time with my patients and I feel like I'm not giving them good care. I feel like I'm so far away from the person I was in nursing school. I feel I've forgotten so much. Besides working on the unit we are given absolute loads of computer assignments that I can't keep up with.

I know that with time I'll get more experience and confidence, but I'm having major doubts. Nursing isn't the problem though; I love being a nurse. I'm starting to feel like maybe floor nursing just isn't for me. I think for as hard as I worked to become a nurse I should be doing something I love, not fear and dread. A friend who knew about my nerves once suggested that I would be good in the OR and I did enjoy my experiences there while in school so maybe I'll try that.

Any thoughts/suggestions??

[TeeTee,RN]

pink_monster,

I have been a nurse for 10 months. I feel exactly as you do. I am disppointed in what nursing has become. I want to be a good nurse, but I'm a nervous wreck most of the time because we are always short staffed, my patients are demanding and don't appreciate any of my efforts. I am considering leaving bedside nursing as well. It has not even been a year and I am burn out already.

TeeTee,RN

[brownbook]

You both have given floor nursing your best try. It is scary and hard. There are so many different areas of nursing. I know feeling like you can't stand where you are currently working doesn't make you feel to confident or opptomistic about trying yet another area of nursing. It takes a lot of energy and confidence to change jobs!!! Is there anyone in your facility who would be a good listener and have insight to other units? Almost all nurses hate floating, but if your facility has a float pool or asks nurses to float say yes. That way you will experience other units and have a better chance to find where you might find a better fit. I play "mind games" with myself when I float. To relieve the "pressure" of floating to somewhere I'm not familiar with I think "If I do something wrong here I know it won't be my fault because I am the float and they didn't tell me how to do it." Of course that just mentally relieves the pressure I know I am responsible for what I do.

[LVN2010M]

I feel exactly the same way, your thrad is similar to mine called "4 weeks feels like 4 years" i dread my job as well everyday i go in i dont have a smile but anxiety and nerves i am always thinking omg i hope i did it right and i dont mess up constantly i have never been like this before ever! but my first year of nursing is tearing me up! its awful i fully understand your circumstance, there is no point in dreading our jobs we have to stick to it and hope this is first years nerves we will eventually find out if were we are is not for us then we must find elsewhere to work because nursing is my passion i love patients and residents and im sure you are the same way but LTC is not for me,..... message me anytime. If you ever need to vent about your day please do so because we are going through similar hurdles.

.taking it day by day.

[wannabbsn]

Hi;

I am new to AN, and couldn't help but understand your pain. I have been an RN over 12 years now and know first hand of your feelings. My first position was on the oncology floor, working the second shift, 3-11 pm, where you start the day running!! Literally, just to keep up the pace that was started by the A.M. nurses. I even was so overwhelmed with anxiety and fret, even ended up in the ER for gastric ulcers. HOWEVER!!!! You will get better!! Trust me!! Right now, everything is more chaotic than it used to be with all the new changes, tight pockets from the administrators, short staffing and even patients are becoming more demanding, less appreciative. Please, just hang in there, do what you do best, and remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! There is always another nurse around for you to revert to for information or double checks. You are new, remember that. It will take some time for you to fully see the whole picture, and not be so frantic over things. Remember patient safety is first. If the meds are given late, so be it. Priortizing is very critical here. Plus, see your family provider for assistance with anxiety meds. As if you become more overwhelmed or anxious, errors will happen. Time is on your side, and try to take every opportunity to seek out a new learning experiences. I do hope you try to look at this at a different perspective, as you are very valuable and very much needed, and as a civilian also, we do appreciate you!! Keep up the good work!!

[halo425]

Hello. I graduated in May 2009 and also feel the same way. Although it is not the patients I find demanding, it is the staff I work with. They want me to ignore that I am a new grad and just "jump in". I am terrified of forgetting/hurting a pt, and of getting written up for doing something wrong. It has come to a point where I fix my schedule to make sure that I work with the "nicest" and most helpful nurses so that I can feel some type of comfort. Hang in there. We can do it...one way or another.

[middleageNP]

Pink Monster... My personality is like yours; nervous, obsessive & lack confidence. I've been an RN for almost 2 1/2 years & still feel like an idiot as a floor nurse. . My hospital just added more pts to RN ratio in addition to tacking on more responsibilities for us to do. I don't feel connected to my pts any more & the demanding ones that act like they are the only pts get on my nerves. Certainly not the compassionate person I once was as an oncology nurse.

Last night, I called an MD for a medication that shouldn't have been given to a bleeding ulcer at all & couldn't connect the dots. Mind you that I'm also 2 semesters away from getting my FNP degree, so I really should know better & never mind that the MD didn't connect the dots either but nonetheless, the event made me feel like maybe I'm too inept to be an NP.

I don't know what the answer is but I feel our type of personality is our weakness & strength. I know you strive to do your best, otherwise you would not be so hard on yourself. On the otherhand, the less confident we feel, the less we perform to our capabilities. In your case, maybe a step down unit is too stressful for you? Have you thought of a less critical unit?

[TDCHIM]

I'm really sorry to hear about your stress level issues. Throwing new grads to the wolves without any sort of support seems really unfair and sounds like awful management. Do any of your facilities have a mentoring setup for new grads or new employees? If not, have you all tried to reach out to anyone, like a nurse with more experience who is at least helpful or kind? And if it's okay to ask, what are your patient to RN levels like, on what types of floors?

Sorry, I'm not trying to be nosy; I'm going into the administration/info management side of things, so I'm trying to learn from your experiences. I figure if I hear what would help now, I'll be able to advocate better for realistic staff needs when I get into the real world.