phone calls no outsider would believe - page 6

Got a call the other night, demanding to know if a man could still have an erection when he was dead, if it happened automatically. I told him that was not something I was going to answer, he... Read More

  1. by   lindseylpn
    Me: We just got your lab results back and your potasium is very high, the Dr. wants to see you immediatly.
    Pt.: Ain't that from eating bananas?
  2. by   BSNtobe2009
    Hey, I'm wondering if someone can answer a question for me. When an ER gets a call like the ones where the mother claimed the kid drank bleach, or another where they were told to bring the kid in immediately if he was having breathing difficulty...if they disconnected those calls, around here they would call the police and send a car out to the home w/ a paramedic to do an assessment.

    I am just wondering how you handle calls like that when you know the situation is very serious and then they disconnect the call.
  3. by   bloviate
    Quote from Larry77
    The most common and aggravating call I get is, "Are you guys busy tonight, I was in there earlier and the waiting room was full?"

    I give my standard answer, "I cannot tell you how busy we will be when you get here because things can change at any time, this is the EMERGENCY department."

    If it's an emergency come in, if you can wait for a less busy time to decide if you are going to come in GO TO THE CLINICS!!!!
    I started answering that question by saying, "We are slam full right now with people in the waiting room" while I had my feet propped on the desk drinking my 15th cup of coffee and playing Yahtzee.
  4. by   MissJoRN
    Quote from erdaynurse
    But my favorite are always "Can you tell me what this medicine is for"
    Me: What is the name of the medicine?"
    Them: "Well, I don't know the name, but it is a little round white pill. What is it for?"
    Me: "Are you kidding me???!!!" - usually not out loud, but sometimes it pops out (OOPS! there's that defective filter again - I hate that!!)

    Love this thread - keep them coming...
    I was admitting a baby once and after several dopey responses from mom and seeing her in action I got to the part of my form "Does Baby take any medicine or vitamins at home?" Wack-a-doodle Mom- "no but I take a pill everyday but I don't know what it's called or what it's for." Oh, please, let it be a birth control pill!!

    After that, I no longer considered myself a new grad!!
  5. by   MissJoRN
    You. Rock. :bowingpur

    Quote from teeituptom
    I had a call asking if I was working

    then when I said yes, they said they were going elsewhere

    made me proud

    probably a good reason for that
  6. by   nursejohio
    Quote from inanna
    i can relate to the underwear thing. i've had an x-boyfriend who accused me of the same thing, cheating on him, because i had the normal female discharge in my panties that all women have. i was like, "are you stupid? didn't you know all women have a normal white discharge at times? he tried to tell me that i was lying and just making it all up. needless to say, that is why he is now an X-boyfriend!
    Good for you!!!! After 32 years of marriage he sprung that lil bombshell, along with some other seriously messed up BS. She went back after 19 hours and is now trying desperately to convince everyone that he's not the same tempermental a-hole he's always been.
  7. by   nursewannbe
    These are awesome!!! This makes me look forward to working in the ER!!!!
  8. by   sherlockchc
    When I worked night shift..for quite sometime, a call would come in around 2AM..from a male voice asking.."Do you have panties on?"...Everyone who answered the call had a different reply...eg. "you need help..call the psych floor" etc. This caller had the numbers to the different units in the hospital, and most of the night shift nurses were familiar with the calls. However, one night he called to the ICU and asked "do you have panties on?"...the nurse, a Philippino nurse said wait and I will find out. She asked the other nurses do we have a patient named Panezon?...The other nurses craked up and of course the story spread throught the hospital...The caller was dubbed the pantyman. I think I recognized the voice as one of the doctors who had the habit of arriving at 6am in the morning. When the doc retired...so did the phone calls...
  9. by   LeahJet
    Quote from bethin
    Did the cat make it?

    First thing I thought of when I read your post.
    I think it was determined the cat had a broken hip. (pelvic rock was still used in those days.... )
    It was the middle of the night but I called a local vet that was willing to go in....to HIS office, he wasn't consulting in the ER.
  10. by   survivor08
    Thank you all..Great break from studying and just another reason why I want to be in ER when I graduate.
  11. by   MamaTheNurse
    I've finally stopped laughing long enough to be able to post!

    When I worked in OB, I had someone call and was masturbating to the answers that I was giving them about breast-feeding questions - the situation didn't actually get weird and suspicious until they asked if I had ever breast-fed a baby - I currently had a 4 month old that I was nursing and, unfortunately, I was sort of punchy (it was 3 am and I didn't tolerate nights that well) and answered yes - their breathing got harder and faster and I could hear lots of rustling and such (it was actually a woman) and I said I was going to hang up and they said "No, not yet, I'm not there yet..." - I blurted out "What the heck are you doing?" - they managed to answer between pants "What do you think?" - then, I hung up.......
    Calls that late at night had to be patched through the ER since we didn't have a 24 hr switchboard operator (little rural 90-bed hospital) so I had to call ER and tell them the story so they could screen the calls - I made their night................

    my least favourite calls were when people called OB and asked for a certain patient - when we said there was no one in our unit by that name, they would always say "Oh, I called her house and she isn't there and since she's due pretty soon, I just thought I'd see if she was there having her baby" - I worked with someone who used to ask if they were going to call the grocery store or K-Mart since those were also possible hiding spots......

    also had a patient's (in)significant other call and tell us that they were coming in because she was contracting, blah, blah, blah, and she was dilated to 4 cm - she came in and really was in labour and was actually dilated to 4 cm - then, I remembered to ask the guy how they knew how much she was dilated - he held up 2 grimy fingers with nasty long and very dirty fingernails and announced (with great pride) "I checked her myself!" eeeeeewwwwwww..................................... ...
  12. by   BabyRN2Be
    Quote from MamaTheNurse

    also had a patient's (in)significant other call and tell us that they were coming in because she was contracting, blah, blah, blah, and she was dilated to 4 cm - she came in and really was in labour and was actually dilated to 4 cm - then, I remembered to ask the guy how they knew how much she was dilated - he held up 2 grimy fingers with nasty long and very dirty fingernails and announced (with great pride) "I checked her myself!" eeeeeewwwwwww..................................... ...
    Oh gee, and idiot me is going to nursing school to learn how to check dilation.:smackingf

    Not that this has anything to do with phone calls, but I *hate* when someone is pushing in labor, and the nurse has two gloved fingers at the introitus giving the woman the sense of where she needs to focus her pushing energies, and some stupid family idiot says, "Think of [name of father] having his fingers where the nurse is, and that you're so mad you want to push him out of there!" This may not translate into text very well, but I just cringe every time I hear that... and I've heard it more than 5 times. Can we leave the crass comments out of the LDR?? :trout:
  13. by   grace90
    On night shift, usually when we are busy, we'll get a phone call from the husband of one of the float LPN's looking for her. Once in a while, fine, but this happens a lot, and of course since she floats we don't know her floor assignment. Sometimes he'll call back a couple times more still looking for her, after he's been transferred to a couple different floors by phone. One of these days, and I would never actually do this I don't think, I want to say something about seeing her making out with a doc in a back room. Okay, bad taste, it's been a long day...

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