phone calls no outsider would believe

Specialties Emergency

Published

Got a call the other night, demanding to know if a man could still have an erection when he was dead, if it happened automatically.

I told him that was not something I was going to answer, he demanded to know why I didn't know, wasn't I a nurse??!! Go get another nurse!!

Told him again, this is not something I was going to discuss with him, so he told me he would be reporting me to both our local newspapers!

What's yours?

Specializes in ER, ALF.

I know I just posted, but I had to share this phone call. I was either helping out behind the desk because we were short secretaries, but at any rate I took this call.

Me: Good morning, Emergency Department, this is Carrie, how may I direct your call?

Caller: Um, Hi...i have a question. May I talk to a nurse?

Me: Sure, what's you're question.

Caller: Well, you see, my husband usually wakes up with an erection every morning, and for the past three days he hasn't.

Me: (By this point I"m trying really hard to stifle a laugh) Let me transfer you to our charge nurse.

Now this may be a really SIMPLE *DUH* kinda question to answer, but I was pretty new, but my charge nurse even asked our physician who was a male because she wasn't sure either.

I'm sure there are more, but I don't carry around the charge phone...EVER!(too new to be charge... for now)

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ICU,ER.

I once talked a woman through a trauma assessment on a cat.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
LMAO!

Then there was another one...

CALLER: "Ya hi...I ummm was having sex with my girlfriend and decided not to use a condom...can I bring her up there for the morning after pill?"

I went through the whole ordeal as above with him and I remember him saying "Oh but I cant call her doctor because she is 14 and I am somewhere in my...ummm....20s." :no:

WOW. The worst part about this was the guy seriously sounded like he could be her father. Sick & sad.

Sorry mine are not as funny...

That is so sad. Age is just a number WHEN you get into your twenties. What was this guy thinking? He could be arrested for statutory rape. Must be love, huh? Sorry, some may disagree but a 14 year old does not realize the true meaning of sex. It's not just fun, and all about orgasms. It's about being close to the person you love, knowing that that love is returned. It's giving a part of yourself to the one you love.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
I once talked a woman through a trauma assessment on a cat.

Did the cat make it?

First thing I thought of when I read your post.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ob/gyn, L&D, motherbaby.

i can relate to the underwear thing. i've had an x-boyfriend who accused me of the same thing, cheating on him, because i had the normal female discharge in my panties that all women have. i was like, "are you stupid? didn't you know all women have a normal white discharge at times? he tried to tell me that i was lying and just making it all up. needless to say, that is why he is now an X-boyfriend!:jester:

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Me: We just got your lab results back and your potasium is very high, the Dr. wants to see you immediatly.

Pt.: Ain't that from eating bananas?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Looking for a career in NICU.

Hey, I'm wondering if someone can answer a question for me. When an ER gets a call like the ones where the mother claimed the kid drank bleach, or another where they were told to bring the kid in immediately if he was having breathing difficulty...if they disconnected those calls, around here they would call the police and send a car out to the home w/ a paramedic to do an assessment.

I am just wondering how you handle calls like that when you know the situation is very serious and then they disconnect the call.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
The most common and aggravating call I get is, "Are you guys busy tonight, I was in there earlier and the waiting room was full?"

I give my standard answer, "I cannot tell you how busy we will be when you get here because things can change at any time, this is the EMERGENCY department."

If it's an emergency come in, if you can wait for a less busy time to decide if you are going to come in GO TO THE CLINICS!!!!

I started answering that question by saying, "We are slam full right now with people in the waiting room" while I had my feet propped on the desk drinking my 15th cup of coffee and playing Yahtzee.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
But my favorite are always "Can you tell me what this medicine is for"

Me: What is the name of the medicine?"

Them: "Well, I don't know the name, but it is a little round white pill. What is it for?"

Me: "Are you kidding me???!!!" - usually not out loud, but sometimes it pops out (OOPS! there's that defective filter again - I hate that!!)

Love this thread - keep them coming...

I was admitting a baby once and after several dopey responses from mom and seeing her in action I got to the part of my form "Does Baby take any medicine or vitamins at home?" Wack-a-doodle Mom- "no but I take a pill everyday but I don't know what it's called or what it's for." Oh, please, let it be a birth control pill!!

After that, I no longer considered myself a new grad!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

You. Rock. :bowingpur :thankya:

I had a call asking if I was working

then when I said yes, they said they were going elsewhere

made me proud

probably a good reason for that

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in NA, Stepdown, L&D, Trauma ICU, ER.
i can relate to the underwear thing. i've had an x-boyfriend who accused me of the same thing, cheating on him, because i had the normal female discharge in my panties that all women have. i was like, "are you stupid? didn't you know all women have a normal white discharge at times? he tried to tell me that i was lying and just making it all up. needless to say, that is why he is now an X-boyfriend!:jester:

Good for you!!!! After 32 years of marriage he sprung that lil bombshell, along with some other seriously messed up BS. She went back after 19 hours and is now trying desperately to convince everyone that he's not the same tempermental a-hole he's always been.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

These are awesome!!! This makes me look forward to working in the ER!!!!:rotfl:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment