There are things about my work that I absolutely love, and things that just drive me crazy. I know every job is probably like that, but I feel that I have more bad days than I do good days.
Since even before I entered nursing school, I have been pushing myself hard. All but one of my jobs has been incredibly stressful. It's affecting my relationships because I get so burnt out on people and their less than admirable qualities that I become antisocial and don't make efforts to keep up my end of friendships. As a result, I feel socially isolated. When I do get together with friends, I have nothing to talk about. With my spouse, I complain about my job a lot, and it isn't fair for him to have to hear it all the time. I don't like the kind of person I become when I work a few days in a row.
For a while now, I've been feeling like I want a change. But, is this a "grass is greener" sort of thing? Will I regret leaving the ED? Will it be a big mistake?
I love the detective work of the ED. I love the critical care. Trauma, cath alerts, RSIs, conscious sedations, these are all exciting to me, and I like the one on one patient care I get to do in these situations. I like the high level skills I get to practice. I like it when I have good interactions with patients and their family members.
I hate the complaining, the impatient behavior, the demands, and the stat pillow/blanket/snack/water/bedpan requests when I'm in the middle of something critical. I don't seem to have the ability to let this aspect of the work roll off of me like some of my coworkers do.
I've tried to adjust my attitude and focus on the positive, but that only seems to last about halfway through the first shift of my long stretch on.
Don't get me wrong; I am nice to patients and coworkers, and try and treat everyone as I would want to be treated. But sometimes, it takes a lot of energy to keep it up!
I vascillate between dreading going to work and being really excited about getting my CEN and maybe even my CPEN. Yep, I'm an (over?)achiever, and I always push myself and challenge myself. At the same time, I feel like that is taking its toll and maybe I need to give myself a break.
I do participate in hobbies, but I have stopped exercising regularly, and I think that might be part of my problem.
I've been thinking of getting out of the hospital completely and doing something else, like home health or hospice, but I'm afraid I'll miss the hustle and bustle of the ED. I'm afraid I'll miss the critical care and detective work aspects the most.
I know that nobody can tell me what the right choice is for me. I'm not asking for that. But, I'd be happy to read your stories about choices you've made and how they affected you.
