"Sir,..you've shredded your penis!"

  1. As a lot of you know, l am an ER nurse...and as most ER nurses know, it takes a lot to impress an ER nurse with a twisted sense of humor.......

    Let me start by saying that last Monday was drunks out of the woodwork day/nite.....and, that l was working with a lot of new staff...new to ER, and new to nursing....every bed full and a convoy of medics in the bay and a government cheese line in triage......Those who work ER can appreciate that by the time things calmed down, we were still full/busy, but had most of the pt's in a holding pattern... some semblance of controle.

    And that's when it happened.

    Before l tell you what finally blew my composure, let me tell you what didn't:
    1. it wasn't the fact that in addition to my assingment, l was heavily involed with one of the newer nurse's pts in the trauma bay for hours.
    2. it wasn't the OD who spewed charcole out of every oriface in his body.
    3.it wasn't the fellow who came in w/ complaint of rash..( lap top computer and snacks in tow)...who started hallucinating that he was flying in a first class airliner for a short trip.
    4. ok, and it wasn't the guy next door to him who had sudden violent onsets of sz's all nite and stopped the instant you ran in and gave ativan.
    5.also wasn't the drunk in 4 points, finally sleeping it off...who woke up holding something in his restrained hand.
    6.it wasn't the fact that said drunk was holding his foley with the balloon still intact.
    7.and it wasn't the bright red blood splattered all over the walls and ceiling of said drunks room and beneath him and on the floor.
    8.not even the fact that this happened about 5 min before the fellow was to go to the floor.
    9.not even the fact that.....not my pt, but l am holding pressure "there" while my efforts were "appreciated"...yeah...go figure.
    10. IT WAS the moment one of the newer/younger nurses (about 23) came in to help....at which the drunk started arguing with her that we need to leave im the **** alone... and new nurse looks him dead in the eye and says...."Sir, you've shredded your penis!"...l was laughing so hard l could barely hold enough pressure to keep this guy from bleeding out....l was soooooo tired, l couldn't hold back.

    Hubby's response to my nite of torture........"Prostitution pays better!"........where's the nearest street light?........LR
    :roll :roll
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  2. 18 Comments

  3. by   baseline
    LOLOLOL. Been there done that!!! Good one. Sometimes .......
  4. by   nursedawn67
    Originally posted by l.rae
    As a lot of you know, l am an ER nurse...and as most ER nurses know, it takes a lot to impress an ER nurse with a twisted sense of humor.......

    Let me start by saying that last Monday was drunks out of the woodwork day/nite.....and, that l was working with a lot of new staff...new to ER, and new to nursing....every bed full and a convoy of medics in the bay and a government cheese line in triage......Those who work ER can appreciate that by the time things calmed down, we were still full/busy, but had most of the pt's in a holding pattern... some semblance of controle.

    And that's when it happened.

    Before l tell you what finally blew my composure, let me tell you what didn't:
    1. it wasn't the fact that in addition to my assingment, l was heavily involed with one of the newer nurse's pts in the trauma bay for hours.
    2. it wasn't the OD who spewed charcole out of every oriface in his body.
    3.it wasn't the fellow who came in w/ complaint of rash..( lap top computer and snacks in tow)...who started hallucinating that he was flying in a first class airliner for a short trip.
    4. ok, and it wasn't the guy next door to him who had sudden violent onsets of sz's all nite and stopped the instant you ran in and gave ativan.
    5.also wasn't the drunk in 4 points, finally sleeping it off...who woke up holding something in his restrained hand.
    6.it wasn't the fact that said drunk was holding his foley with the balloon still intact.
    7.and it wasn't the bright red blood splattered all over the walls and ceiling of said drunks room and beneath him and on the floor.
    8.not even the fact that this happened about 5 min before the fellow was to go to the floor.
    9.not even the fact that.....not my pt, but l am holding pressure "there" while my efforts were "appreciated"...yeah...go figure.
    10. IT WAS the moment one of the newer/younger nurses (about 23) came in to help....at which the drunk started arguing with her that we need to leave im the **** alone... and new nurse looks him dead in the eye and says...."Sir, you've shredded your penis!"...l was laughing so hard l could barely hold enough pressure to keep this guy from bleeding out....l was soooooo tired, l couldn't hold back.

    Hubby's response to my nite of torture........"Prostitution pays better!"........where's the nearest street light?........LR
    :roll :roll

    All I can say is ouch!!!!!! :imbar
  5. by   CCL"Babe"
    Damn don't you just love it. If you don't laugh you'd cry at times. There are things I miss, and those I don't, and there are times it's hard to know the difference.
  6. by   LilgirlRN
    Prostitution would probably be more fun and not much more dangerous than working in the ER
  7. by   veetach
    LMAO!!!!! Boy have I been there and done that! Once I had a new nurse assessing a pt c/o "not feeling good," and the nurse asked him "Sir, do you have a feeling of impending doom? and the guy says, I dont know what is that?" the nurse proceeds to explain what it is, so the pt decided that yes, he DID in fact have that feeling and he relates it on to the dr.

    NOW we have to go and do a whole barrage of tests and complete cardiac workup! the pt was discharged, and not too much later, the nurse took a job in an office somewhere. go figure...
  8. by   veetach
    believe me, I have often thought of changing careers after a night like you had. Problem is, we have those nights more often than not anymore. How about you??
  9. by   RN-PA
    :chuckle :chuckle :chuckle

    Just got in from work and yours was one of the first posts I read, l.rae. I was seriously lol-ing, afraid I'd wake hubby, and the cat came wandering in to see what the ruckus was!

    Hard to believe what we do to earn a buck, some times... :chuckle I'll gladly join you at the nearest street light.
  10. by   sleepqd
    Truth is stranger than fiction because fiction has to make sense (which our professional activities don't always) .

    problem with lap-computer interface (dog).
    Last edit by sleepqd on Mar 3, '03
  11. by   adrienurse
    :chuckle :chuckle :chuckle :chuckle :chuckle :chuckle
  12. by   anitame
    Buaahhhh :chuckle :chuckle
  13. by   ERNurse752
    I'm at the street corner right now! Come 'n git it!
  14. by   BadBird
    BWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA That is so funny and of course if this particular nurse sticks around she will be teased for years to come, oh the memories!!!!!

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