Okay, I'm sure we've all heard some really funny stuff from our patients/residents/clients during our shifts, so let's share!
I was working overnight in home health and kept hearing the wife (with severe dementia) waking up her husband to ask him strange questions. My favorite was "BOB, when are you going to wake up and drive that girl home?" (meaning me, waiting in the next room; I have a car and license, my clients did not, thank goodness!). He said "Huh?" and she insisted "She can't take the school bus, it's night time!". He answered "She'll drive herself home later, honey" and she indignantly said "Like FUN she will!" then finally rolled over and went to sleep.
Another resident with Alzheimer's who is starting to lose his appropriate vocabulary will occasionally swear and then be genuinely baffled and apologetic when people that overhear him are shocked. I usually just try to gently tell him that's not a polite word, and suggest an alternative. But I had to stifle my laughter when, after answering his question about what me and my weekend client did (played cards, etc.) the day before, he asked "Does she like to ****?". It was so out of the blue!
Anyone ever cracked you up or shocked you so much you had to run out of the room?
It was so out of the blue!