Funny things your patients have said - page 3

Okay, I'm sure we've all heard some really funny stuff from our patients/residents/clients during our shifts, so let's share! I was working overnight in home health and kept hearing the wife... Read More

  1. Visit  One Flew Over profile page
    2
    We had a lot of retired medical people on one of our long term units! At one point in time we had an entire medical team! We had a retired nursing home administrator, retired MD, retired RN/DON, retired Psyche RN, retired LTC LPN, and a retired CNA! And they were all on the same unit at the same time! It was awesome!
    Rayanne203 and CoffeemateCNA like this.
  2. Visit  CoffeemateCNA profile page
    0
    We have several former nurses. God only knows how many times I've caught them doing ROM exercises and palpating the abdomens of other residents, urgently asking me to call the doctor STAT. They even walk around and feed residents in the dining room.
  3. Visit  CoffeemateCNA profile page
    0
    Me: "Did you have a good morning?"

    Resident: "No, it was terrible. I pooped and peed."

    Me: "Oh, I see."
  4. Visit  futurenurseheather profile page
    0
    i had a resident the other that started hollering and crying so i went in to check on her and i asked her what was wrong...she told me she thought her mother was pregnant...well...okay....
  5. Visit  CoffeemateCNA profile page
    0
    Quote from futurenurseheather
    i had a resident the other that started hollering and crying so i went in to check on her and i asked her what was wrong...she told me she thought her mother was pregnant...well...okay....
    One lady was screaming and told me that SHE was pregnant -- and in labor!!

    Turns out she was just passing some hard stool. Thank God.

    Like I always say, it's best to give birth to your children PRIOR to menopause and a radical hysterectomy.
  6. Visit  Mike41290 profile page
    2
    I was taking a lady from the dining room to her room. She had difficulty hearing and yelled everything she said. well a nurse was talking to her roomates daughter and it was private so i shut the door and this was the conversation:
    "Can you wait out here for me L? they need some privacy.
    "WELL WHAT ARE THE DOIN'?"
    "I don't know, its about M and its none of my buisiness"
    "I KNOW WHAT THERE DOING, THERE HAVING SEX AINT THEY."
    "No L"

    I heard half the building start laughung. including the nurse and family behind the door.
    CoffeemateCNA and fuzzywuzzy like this.
  7. Visit  SirCommoner profile page
    0
    My half-brother's grandma (I'm very close to him, but I never met her), who died yesterday, had Alzheimer's. Once, when my brother was having a meal with her and his grandfather, she stopped eating, looked at him and said: "I wish I was like you. So hairy..."
  8. Visit  NA_Tricia76 profile page
    0
    Well where I work a resident was accusing me of taking her blankets. Mind you I just came on shift and me and the med aide went in her room wondering what she was talking about. She pointed at me and said I know you are so poor that you had to take those 2 blankets but I need them back. I couldn't help but bust up laughing, as the med aide was too. It was a resident in memory care.
  9. Visit  Joey_Boy, LPN profile page
    3
    I had an ex-psych nurse with dementia screaming "Thorazine" and "Haldol" as she played piano, I laughed so hard.
  10. Visit  Skayda profile page
    1
    These are all just priceless gold! I had one male resident with nightly incontinence issues we were told to 'double up' his briefs on and one night as I was helping him get ready for bed and putting his briefs on him he looks down at himself in the briefs, turns to me and goes, "How the hell am I gonna find my dick through all this?!"


    Lol!
    OrganizedChaos likes this.
  11. Visit  WoosahRN profile page
    7
    Pediatric patient told me to "go step on a Lego". 😉
  12. Visit  smile_through_it profile page
    1
    When I worked in memory care we had a retired RN who would come up to the staff and ask if she could give you report for the night. She'd also push other residents around in wheelchairs.
    OrganizedChaos likes this.
  13. Visit  MegGusta profile page
    0
    I was caring for a 98 year old patient (my first) that told me about her inability to resist the urge to touch a young woman's rear in the grocery store. When the woman whirled around to face her, she just said, "I couldn't help it! That's the nicest bum I've ever seen!"

    I thought it was hysterical!

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