Funny things your patients have said - page 3

by LaterAlligator

Okay, I'm sure we've all heard some really funny stuff from our patients/residents/clients during our shifts, so let's share! I was working overnight in home health and kept hearing the wife (with severe dementia) waking up... Read More


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    I had a resident tell me stop throwing her around like a sack of potatoes & then there was one woman who started patting me on the chest & when I asked what she was doing she said "Playing patty cakes!" & the same woman also asked me "Have you ever had a good F******?"... it was bad enough she asked that question.. even worse that her son was standing in the doorway...
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    heard a resident hollering and went to check and found her up in bed, ready to get into her wheelchair. it was 11pm, and i had already put her in bed. when i asked her what she was doing, she said "well i was just going to the beauty shop to get my hair done."

    we have a lady that is a retired CNA who swears up and down that her roommate has a high fever and needs fluids.
    fuzzywuzzy likes this.
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    I work in a Assisted living facility. I have a patient who is about 92 f, and a retired mash nurse. One day I covered for a co-worker. Just so happenes it was this pt's shower day. I went in gave her a shower, and continued with the rest of my duties. Come lunch time she told everyone that she had just gotten married, and when they asked who was the lucky man....... She pointed at me. I've been there 3 months, and only work the weekends. But she still tells everyone we are married. In fact last sunday night she said tell my husband I'm ready for him. When I never came to say good night she came strolling up to the nurse's desk naked. She told the nurse she knew it would get my attention.
    annacnatorn and fuzzywuzzy like this.
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    At the LTC I used to work at, I was wheeling one of our more....colorful residents out to the breakfast table. She saw her friend already sitting there and said "HEYYYYYY Mary! Good morning! Did they clean your p**** good today, because they sure did mine!"
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    just tonight, i could NOT get a resident into bed because she swore up an d down that a "gentleman came in here and stripped down and said he was going to sleep with me tonight" needless to say it took alot of convincing to get her to sleep. lol!
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    Quote from futurenurseheather

    we have a lady that is a retired CNA who swears up and down that her roommate has a high fever and needs fluids.
    haha we had a former nurse grab a hat from someone's toilet and keep trying to get one of the other residents to pee in it for a sample.
    CoffeemateCNA likes this.
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    We had a lot of retired medical people on one of our long term units! At one point in time we had an entire medical team! We had a retired nursing home administrator, retired MD, retired RN/DON, retired Psyche RN, retired LTC LPN, and a retired CNA! And they were all on the same unit at the same time! It was awesome!
    CoffeemateCNA likes this.
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    We have several former nurses. God only knows how many times I've caught them doing ROM exercises and palpating the abdomens of other residents, urgently asking me to call the doctor STAT. They even walk around and feed residents in the dining room.
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    Me: "Did you have a good morning?"

    Resident: "No, it was terrible. I pooped and peed."

    Me: "Oh, I see."
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    i had a resident the other that started hollering and crying so i went in to check on her and i asked her what was wrong...she told me she thought her mother was pregnant...well...okay....


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