worried all the time

[peach4379]

Hello, this is my third post ever, the first was the greeting...I'm in my second year as an RN, I work nights in an ICU. I don't work tonight, but like usual, work is on the mind...I am a very conscientious person, and I love my patients and families, so I don't know if its just my facility, or if its nursing in general, but my first year I was able to talk myself through by saying I was new, and I had to be patient with myself. Now that I have been an ICU nurse for a year and a half, I have reached a strange point. A combo of working nights, lack of sleep, or the actual job I'm not sure, but I dred going to work. I worry about what emergencies or doctor conflicts will take place. I worry and get so anxious that I can't sleep on my days off because my mind races about the last night's events. Not normal I don't think. I think maybe a need to get out of the ICU. I have a contract until February due to tuition assistance, but I can just pay the prorated amount of assistance back. It seems that the worrying is heightened when I finish a terrible weekend like the one I just had. HEre is the story: there are two seasoned nurses that work with me on nights. One called off and the other had to run to a code on another floor. I had two agency nurses with me who aren't in the unit often (we had 7 patients). Then, MY patient coded. I know ACLS of course, but I haven't even been certified for a year, one of the agency nurses was helful with bagging my patient, but the other nurse stood there until she was told to start compressions. I was busy hooking up our debrillator to the patient. We don't have a house physician, we only have the ER physician, and that's if he isn't busy, and he was on the floor with my seasoned ICU nurse running the other code! Very scary...I must be traumatized or something...I stayed up all night last night looking for another job. I want to be an RN because I love working with patients and their families, but I don't like the level of intense stress that the ICU can bring. Not to mention that we only have grumpy attendings to call in the middle of the night if something goes wrong with their patient. No residents or intensivists. This is the only nursing job I've had, anyone think this set up is rediculous besides me? I was thinking of Hospice, or Home Health. Each bring their own levels of stress, but not ACLS stress. Or maybe I'm just jumping to conclusions and should give my job more time. I've been told it takes a couple years to get to a good level of comfort in the ICU. Any thoughts? Don't get me wrong, it hasn't all been bad. Thanks for reading...