Working opposite shifts from spouse...

Nurses General Nursing

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I had a great interview for a position that would be a fantastic opportunity for me. The environment seems really supportive and it would be much more challenging than my current job. The interview went great and I would honestly be surprised if I didn't get the position. However, one bad thing about the job is that it's evening shift and DH and I currently work days. I know people work opposite shifts for a variety of reasons, but DH is really hesitant about this opportunity. Of course I would prefer to work days but I see it as a major stepping stone in my career - room for growth, and an acute hospital environment, which is what I've wanted all along. Full-time day shifts are hard to come by because they are usually filled by internal hires, so I know that it's something I may be able to get further down the road.

Would you voluntarily work a different shift from your spouse (assume for the purposes of this question that you don't have kids and you're not doing this for child care purposes)?

Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.
What kind of math equation did you use?? If anything the probability is higher - "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is very true. When you spend some time apart and then reunite, your time together is that much more special! It's been working great for me for over a year now! I see my hubby in the morning and evening, and when I have my days off. He also travels a lot for work, so he can arrange his schedule for the nights I am working. Works out great!

I have to agree with this. We don't get to see one another three days of the week now. Our time together is very....fun. :loveya: The separation seems to have brought out a lot of courtesy between us and craving for one another. We both make sure to make the bed when we get up, even though it is going to be slept in just a few hours later, so that the other comes into a clean, inviting bedroom. We leave notes. Text. Cook things for one another and leave them in the fridge. And he's started taking me out to a late dinner or a late movie (I don't fully transition back to days on my off time...doesn't work for me) every week. We've started finding time to workout together...something we've never done. He texts me before he goes to sleep and calls me on his way to work. We've been together over 10 years and our relationship has never felt stronger.

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Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.
did not read all the posts...

All I will say is that based on pure math, the odds are high that a relationship will not survive if the partners work opposite shifts........but there are exceptions to every rule

I'd like to see the "math" and the "research" that resulted in this "rule" (which is more likely simply your opinion).

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I work nights and my husband works days. Being a new grad, I didn't have much choice, I had to start on nights. Like everyone else says, you just have to make it work. But it takes both of you. He has to be understanding that you have to sleep during the day. I would take the job if I really wanted it. Plus most places pay more on nights, which helps out a lot.

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Specializes in i pull sheaths :).

My husband works in a factory where he works a block schedule, meaning every 3 months he rotates 1st, 2nd, and 3rd shifts. He worked it out with his bosses so he can stay on nights for 6 mths at a time since I work night shift too. So it works out for us. Of course there are pros and cons to opposite shifts. Some pros: less fighting, more lovins :), having more 'personal' time, appreciate each other more, plus i love having breakfast dates with the hubby. Some cons: sleeping without one another is the hardest for me, communication between you two is really put to the test, both have to equally pull your weight when it comes to chores/tasks needing to be completed, and the understanding that BOTH of you need good quality sleep.

Yes it is hard sometimes but I wouldn't say that the odds are high that a relationship WILL NOT survive. Thats not very positive. My favorite quote----To keep the fire burning brightly there's one easy rule: Keep the two logs together, near enough to keep each other warm and far enough apart - about a finger's breadth - for breathing room. Good fire, good marriage, same rule. ~Marnie Reed Crowell

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I am glad so many peope are working it out. No doubt that it can and does work out. Someone else pointed out that when it does not work out there was probably underlying weakness in the relationship. That makes a lot of sense.

Bottomline, my hope for everyone is peace and happiness :) Odds can always be overcome by love and understanding....

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Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

These are articles. Not research studies.

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Specializes in Psych, Maternity, ER, Ortho.

I could just as easily write an article about aliens and UFOs... :rolleyes:

My husband works 8 hour night shifts M-F and I work 12 hour days with every other weekend. We still manage to have time for each other. I see him before work on my off days, and every other weekend is free. Sometimes I adjust my schedule a little later on my off days as well so we have more time together. It all works out.

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Specializes in Telemetry, ICU/CCU, Specials, CM/DM.

My husband works 24 hour on, 48 hours off and now I work M-F days. But for many years, I worked 12 hour shifts on the days that he was off due to having kids at home. We are still happily married after 22 years with not one major fight in our relationship. It does seem to work when you have a little time to yourself but I also think you have to have a strong friendship and relationship to make it work. It can be done!

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There are a lot of married couples who work different shifts. If it causes major problems, then there are other major problems in the relationship. This is the real world. The days of being able to survive on one income are over. My husband doesn't like that we work different shifts, but we just have to suck it up and do it. Because let's be honest, jobs aren't easy to come by. I was very lucky to even get my job. Some of us (new grads) are just glad to have jobs. We have no choice but to work nights. So the choices for some of us are work different shifts and be able to survive, or not work just because we can't find day shift jobs and live in poverty. Not too hard to pick.

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These are articles. Not research studies.

You know what? I am a very busy person....however I feel compelled to point out that based upon your comment it is obvious that you could not bother to click on the links that I provided.

These articles reference several peer reviewed studies.

As I have said before, if I said water was wet you would friggen argue with me...

Now if you will excuse me I am going to go back to being productive.

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I would think the stress of not having a job and not being able to pay the bills would put far greater stress on a marriage.

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