Wish it was a NANDA diagnosis

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Specializes in ICU, Telemetry.

At our hospital, we have a canned list of NANDA diagnoses to choose from, which is woefully inadequate. Here's some I think they should add -- what about you guys?

Failure to get their crap together

Ineffective illicit drug usage (not stoned enough to die, not sober enough to figure out lying down in the middle of the main highway was a bad thing)

Infantile behavior, disorganized (no, I'm your nurse, not your mommie)

Deficient knowledge d/t being a complete egotistical jerk and not realizing it

Alcoholic fluid volume deficit (if we get him a drink, he won't go into the DT's and we can get him outta here)

Risk for peripheral digital injury (grab me again, I'll break your hand)

Risk for aspiraton d/t client induced self care deficit (to stoned to roll out of the puke puddle)

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Specializes in Oncology.

ok i know this was posted awhile ago.. but Im readin thru the humor section and it came up and i have to agree with every ******* single one of those! GREAT IDEAS!

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Specializes in LTC.

Funny !!!

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Specializes in Critical care, neuroscience, telemetry,.

Saw these years ago in a nursing humor magazine (yes, there was one, once):

Alteration in cardiac output, none

Tissue Perfusion, cessation in

Soul extravasation realated to extracorporeal transmutation

Mobility, alteration in, related to rigor mortis

(From The Journal of Nursing Jocularity, Vol. 6, No. 1, Spring 1996, pg. 28)

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Saw these years ago in a nursing humor magazine (yes, there was one, once):

Alteration in cardiac output, none

Tissue Perfusion, cessation in

Soul extravasation realated to extracorporeal transmutation

Mobility, alteration in, related to rigor mortis

(From The Journal of Nursing Jocularity, Vol. 6, No. 1, Spring 1996, pg. 28)

:hpygrp:

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Specializes in Management, Emergency, Psych, Med Surg.

Funny. Sounds like they need to be added to the DSM.

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Specializes in Oncology.

Self care deficit, r/t laziness

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Ineffective airway clearance related to stethescope being tightened around neck, as evidenced by nurses arm muscles bulging out.

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Here's one about recurrent UTIs a pal from NS came up with when we were doing our maternity clinicals (sorry but its a bit crude):

Knowledge deficit related to wiping your @$$ the wrong way secondary

to not knowing the difference between your @$$ and your lady parts

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Specializes in ICU, Telemetry.

Constipation d/t "slipping and falling on the shampoo bottle in the shower"

You just can't make this stuff up....

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