Why do I want to be a nurse? Vent - Rant

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Bad week...

Thought I had overcome all the adversity from last semester...all the trouble I've been having with one particular professor for whom I can do nothing right has seemed to disapate. Last semester I was in danger of failing this professor's class three weeks into the semester...I transferred out to another class, another professor and recovered with a "B" as my final grade...got a 94 on my final up from the 70s.

This semester I'm back with the professor from hell but I've been getting the grades on exams and cruising through clinicals without a hitch... And then BAMM!

I was called to the mat by Professor Hates My Gutts, PhD. for a clinical rotation...My professor received a nastygram in regard to my performance signed off by two RNs. I was blown away by the accusations and the fact that my instructor was uninterested in my side of the story. I received a ZERO for the clinical which means I am basically one step away from finding a new career. (Two zeros and you are out the door)

The nurses charged me with everything from OSHA violations to abandoning my post. None of it made sense...One of the complaints was that I "ate breakfast at the desk"...I was sitting with three other nurses who were eating breakfast. I asked if anyone would mind if I ate an apple. Of course the response was "go ahead"...my god the letter stated that I ate breakfast in a patient care area and violated OSHA rules. ???

The letter goes on to state that I left my assigned clinical without authorization...Truth be told...yes I did leave the area, however with the supervisor's permission. I was asked if I wanted to observe a specifc area of the unit with a physician and then was introduced to a doctor and handed off to him.

Anyway...the letter basically sights events that did occur however the circumstances are twisted in a way that makes me look like a monster. Turns out the supervisor of this facility, the person who gave me permission to eat, leave, etc is the same person who wrote the nastygram AND happens to be BEST FRIENDS with Professor Hates My Gutts, PhD.

I have worked in a hospital setting for 10 years and never had a problem...not with a patient, not with a supervisor...not a problem. I was a top student until I encountered Professor Hates My Gutts, PhD. who seems to detemined to make sure that no male students graduate from this program...I am the last one left.

I was so upset by this event...the accusations, that I decided to drop. I have been miserable for a year now...can't sleep, can't eat...I've developed chest pains that present each and every time I have to go to class or clinical with this professor. My advisor would not allow me to drop...the dean said NO WAY, "You will graduate this program" ... I HATE GETTING UP IN THE MORNING! ...I used to get up in the morning and could not imagine life as anything other then a nurse ... Now I have this little voice saying "you're not cut out to be a nurse" nagging me every single day.

I've gotten to the point now that if I do graduate there is not a chance that I will work as a nurse. I am thinking administration or prehospital but I can't see myself entering into practice after all the drama and nightmares I have endured in nursing school.

Anyone every feel this way?

Thanks for "listening"

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Specializes in Emergency/Cath Lab.

At first I could not believed you dropped! If it was me I would be going to the top of the Dept fighting my case. Getting the other nurses you were eating with to back you up, the supervisor that handed you off to back you up. Build a case a present something to the dean or president or someone saying this is not accurate! By doing nothing you allow this instructor to keep doing this to not only you but other students.

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At first I could not believed you dropped! If it was me I would be going to the top of the Dept fighting my case. Getting the other nurses you were eating with to back you up, the supervisor that handed you off to back you up. Build a case a present something to the dean or president or someone saying this is not accurate! By doing nothing you allow this instructor to keep doing this to not only you but other students.

I went to the dean and was told "don't worry about it...you'll be fine" ... It's the same response I get each time something like this happens. At first I thought these events were just drama but now I believe there is more focus. After watching students drop off one by one many of us feel that any one of us could be next. At this point students are afraid to upset the apple cart so to speak so people are being quiet. I was told in private that I "need to learn how to play the game".

I know dropping sounds crazy but there are many other factors at work here...my GPA is being slowly chiseled down...I came into this with a 4.0 and now slowly buy surly I am dropping. I lost a scholarship this semester...I was overlooked for nurse cancellable loans too. I am starting to catastrophise thinking that I may end up failing this class. I am in a small school...In my program if you fail one class you cannot continue...a student must wait one year before returning to repeat the failed class. I don't have the resources to hold out for a year...I've got just enough money to make it to graduation before I need to start selling organs.

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Specializes in ED.

My advice to you is THIS TOO SHALL PASS. Just get through it. If you quit they win. It's your future, not there's. Dont let them steal it from you.

Pick yourself up and look ahead. You'll probably thank the professor one day.

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My advice to you is THIS TOO SHALL PASS. Just get through it. If you quit they win. It's your future, not there's. Dont let them steal it from you.

Pick yourself up and look ahead. You'll probably thank the professor one day.

I agree...I feel better today but I am still worried about getting bounced

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Specializes in Community & Mental Health, Sp Ed nursing.

I had one clinical instructor everyone thought was great. I came in the next term and she singled me out. It was amazing. She would cut into me during post conference and everyone would look bewildered and sheepish. I absolutely didn't understand why she would treat me this way she had no reason. However, she had a favorite student who went everywhere with her-to the point that when the CI came to do a procedure with Favorite Student in tow, any perceived mistake was an excuse to let Favorite Student take over. It was very, very hard on me. My grades fell that term, too. BUT we had a program in our school where we could go to the counselor 10 times per term. She listened and helped me with some creative visualization stuff. I've graduated and passed NCLEX and I know you will, too. See if your school has a counselor. The other thing I did was volunteer for Rotacare. This reminded me of why I wanted to be a nurse to begin with and grounded me. Good luck to you.

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Specializes in Post Anesthesia.

To drop or not to drop is your choice, I don't think I could endure what you've een through. Before you do I wonder if you considered taking to the ACLU or other civil rights organisations. I am not giving legal advise but I would hope this instructor would be subject to at least a little grief for what she has put you through. In the end, you may choose not to follow through in you nursing career, but it mignt be worth while to at least talk to a discrimination attorney.

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Specializes in ER, ICU, Education.

Bit of advice from an instructor?

Don't you DARE give up! I would insist on following this through the grievance process. If you have any other witnesses (ex- a fellow student or a floor nurse that saw that you were invited to the procedure, etc), I would gather their statements.

To be honest, in any field I've ever worked in, there are nasty people. Each of us encounters someone who either by attitude, action, or verbalization makes us try to feel that we are not "up to par"- but, remember the Eleanor Roosevelt quotation- "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission."

Take the weekend to make a list of why YOU want to be a nurse, and why you chose to pursue this field. Unless something is forever changed in you, don't you dare give up. For example, if you chose this field to help people, and you still have that desire, nothing has changed but one person attacking you.

I don't know any of the circumstances behind this occurrence, but I would document the heck out of what you are doing at clinicals. Use your clinical evaluation or clinical objectives as a guide, and show in your documentation how you are meeting those objectives. I would also insist upon your explanation of the events being placed in your record.

This is not easy, and at least with as much info as you provide, does not sound fair. But life is really unfair too, you will see this in nursing. You can't control what someone else does to you, only your response. Be positive, confident, and most of all determined. Don't come from a position of weakness, believe in yourself and go forward.

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