Why do I allways feel guilty??? (Parent nurses)

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Where I work, we have some nurses and CNA's that work seven days or nights a week on a regular basis. We have nurses, that pick up so many extra shifts, that they work 20, 30 days in a row. We even have one nurse now, that is currently attempting the biggest stunt in history of nursing and is working two full time jobs at two different facilities, both Monday through Friday.

I have two small children, 1 and 5 and I work two 12 hour nights a week. I would have liked to work three, but because of all those workaholics and because of the fact that I prefer not to work weekends (kids at home from school, no daycare on weekends, didn't want to burden dad, who works five to six days a week with child care etc.) the thrid day is currently not available for me.

Where I work, long term sub accute/rehab care for pt. on ventilators, with spinal cord and/or brain damage, mostly paras and quads, or vegetative state - I take care of literally the sickest of the sick, most of them lonely, depressed and suffering of sensory deprivation. I like to give them my undivided attention and do a 100% job to the best of my abilities. I feel like I am giving them a much better service and much more attention and simple human interaction, if I am not exhausted, because it is my umpht shift in a row and I'm practically fighting falling asleep standing up while leaning against the med cart.

At the same token, I feel like I am a much better mother to my kids, for the same reasons as stated in the previous sentence...

Don't get me wrong, I would like to have the extra money, God knows, I could use it, but I tried this chase after the world record of shifts worked in a row before, and it was a complete disaster. My family was falling appart and at work I suddenly found myself frustrated, unsatisfied.

So even if I feel like I have all good reasons for what I'm doing and why I'm doing it, why do I still feel guilty? At work I feel guilty that I don't put in more hours for the facility and at home I feel guilty that I'm not contributing enough financially. What the heck is up with that? Is this unique to the nurisng profession (this chase after extra shifts plus the guilt)? Why is the facility allways making me feel like I have to apologize over and over and explain why I can't come in this Saturday, or why I can't work a full five day week like Nurse Betty over here, that is single and childless and will come in at any time of day and night to fill in? And why do I feel like I have to appologize for the fact that I have a life outside of the facility? Is this feeling ever going to go away? And am I alone in this? Am I making sense?

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Specializes in Family.

I have the work vs home guilt too. I just do the best I can and thoroughly explain to the kids why mommy has to work. I don't attempt superhuman numbers of shifts though.

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Specializes in home & public health, med-surg, hospice.

Hi Estrogen,

Let me start off by saying, it seems to me as if you really have your priorities in place and I commend you for this. Sounds as if, you want to be the best mother and best nurse that you can be.

I don't really think having to apologize for setting boundaries at the work place is a new phenomena. I just think it happens maybe more frequently in nursing vs. other fields because there are 24 hours to cover each day, right? Also, we are all familiar with the nursing shortage situation.

Feeling guilty? Don't! Believe me, your work doesn't care about you, your kids or anything else. Most only care about the numbers and if a warm body is there or not (perfect example the nurse working 2 full time jobs). Taking time away from your obligations/commitments just isn't worth it, Estrogen. You can never get back so many things, you'll miss out on by doing to (believe me I know).

Anyways, these are just my opinions. As I'm growing older and have experienced loss, I'm learning life should really, really be cherished and not taken for granted. You know what I mean? You know, thinking "oh, I'll catch the next school program", etc.

Also, if you don't respect your time, no one else will. They'll just use you up, then hire 2 people to replace you when you quit!

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Do not feel guilty for putting your children first. I also work part-time and would not change it.

I do have people comment sometimes about why I don't take on an extra shift - I just say I signed up to work part-time and that is what I'm gonna do. I do, when it is convenient for me and my family, take on an extra shift. My in-law's watch my son when I'm at work 2 days a week. I'm not about to take advantage of them anymore than I already do - although they LOVE taking care of their grandson.

Please don't let anyone make you feel guilty.

Best wishes and a big hug!!

steph

p.s. Someone once told me "you are not the answer to the hospital's staffing problem". And it is true!

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20 yrs from now will you be saying to yourself "I wish I had spent more time with my children when they were young" or "I wish I had put more hours in working"? Your kids are only young for a short time. Enjoy them as much as you can.

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Please do not feel guilty. If I were a patient, I would not want a nurse that was on a long working stretch. Fatigue plays a major factor in mistakes in nursing. When I worked nights, there were conversations where each nurse

tried to outdo the other on the least hours of sleep one got each day. I could never engage in those debates as I knew my limits and knew how many hours I could work before i was acting a bit airy if you know what I mean. Many times a nurse would arrive at my unnit wanting a light assignment because she had already worked 8 hours. If you can figure it out, let me know. You are by far a much better nurse and mother than the ones who try to vie for the Ripley's Believe It or Not world record holder of most hours or days worked in a row. There should be limits in place at the different hospitals. All they care about is filling a spot anyway!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Specializes in acute care and geriatric.

YOu will always find people who work crazy shifts for the money I also knew nurses who worked 2 full-time positions at the same time. I personally don't think it is healthy and something has to 'give'. I've discovered that you cant be 100% in everything. Right now your kids are young and need you. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. If you are so busy working now you might miss something that will cost much more than its worth later. I promise you, the shifts will wait, do what you know is right and the rest will fall in place. Noone can make you feel guilty unless you let them (including yourself).

Recently there have been a whole bunch of painful (expensive) divorces among nurses who work all the crazy shifts (holidays weekends nights..) and like Duhhh if you are married to your work dont complain if your home falls apart!!

We work in order to live not the other way around!

Enjoy your family and love them to peices!:balloons:

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Thank you, Everyone for the kind words. You gave me reassurance and affirmation that yes, perhaps I am doing the right thing. One gets caught up in the daily grind and struggle and sometimes one is not sure anymore, if she's doing what's right.

We need to be kind to each other and support each other in this difficult proffession. :heartbeat

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Specializes in home & public health, med-surg, hospice.

We need to be kind to each other and support each other in this difficult profession. :heartbeat

Right on! :wink2:

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