What to tell the kids?

[blue morpho]

I had a patient who was in the hospital for a few weeks and ended up not making it. She was a young woman with four kids. She died of liver failure due to alcoholism. When the 12yo daughter asks me why this all was happening, do I tell her it was because she drank too much? How do you say that in the right way? Do I refer her to her new guardian or should I explain? Any ideas?

[CarVsTree]

why would her alcoholism ever have to be mentioned?

a compassionate and gentle, "her liver failed her" should suffice, followed by a warm hug and your sympathies.

leslie

I disagree.

If the child lived with Mom than she KNEW mom was an alcoholic. Sugar coating the situation is not helpful for the child. However, I also wonder how OP is still involved with the family subsequent to patient's death or is this now a hypothetical question.

In a perfect world, I would hope that Child Life specialist, psych professional (not that hospital would supply this) would be available for the child along with Chaplain and the Guardian's support. Without knowing the whole situation, don't know where OP's responsibility begins and HIPPA ends.

Very sad indeed, but the 12 year old I'm sure, knows her mother had a pretty good drinking problem. By 12 my dad was sober for the second time and I knew all too well the damages that alcohol causes on the whole family. Heck I knew that the first time he quit (I was 10) and I lived with the problems long before that. I remember by Kindergarten I knew my dad drank way too much. Don't underestimate a child's knowledge of their parents' self-destructive behavior.

[leslie :-D]

I disagree.

Don't underestimate a child's knowledge of their parents' self-destructive behavior.

i'm not convinced that a child of 12 would correlate alcholism with liver failure.

and at the time of death, you bet i'll sugar coat!

let the child deal with the death now, and the reasons for it, in the time to come.

she needs to deal with "what" happened.

later she'll deal with the "why".

i'm sure the child remembers her mothers' drinking habits.

however, i don't think she necessarily knows it was cause of death.

no reason to complicate this situation.

keep it simple and compassionate.

this child will have a lifetime to deal with realities of her mothers' behaviors.

one crisis at a time.

leslie