What to do when your preceptor throws you under the bus?

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I am halfway through orientation and had my midway meeting. I found out that my preceptor thinks I have a bad attitude , refuse to learn and get defensive if anyone tries to talk to me. A few minutes into the meeting I realized that I had been set up so that if I try to state my case, I will be considered one of the three things she says I am. I am none of these and feel very lucky to have gotten this job. I was then told that I have to meet in a week with them again to show improvement. I know that at this point, talking to my preceptor will only make it worse, but what SHOULD I do?

To address her perceiving me as defensive, I thought I should probably not talk unless she asks me a direct question. Any other ideas?

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Specializes in ICU, Renal.

Wow, that's a hard one. I don't know if this is true in your case, but consider your non-verbal communication- it may be that since you are learning, your face does not show the "appropriate" expressions your preceptor thinks should be there, and that may be why she is saying these things about you. I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong, please don't think that, I'm just saying that you may be leading her to believe that you are defensive, etc just by your non-verbals- face, posture, tone and the like. I'm saying this because when I am learning something new, I look mean, but it's only me concentrating on learning. So now, instead, I just smile, and have a kind of light tone, and people "get" me better. I hope this is making sense & is helpful.

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Specializes in CWON - Certified Wound and Ostomy Nurse.

Dig deep...is there any merit at all to what is being said? You could request to meet with the preceptor and tell him/her you want to do well and be successful and if he/she could give you examples of what you are doing in specific you can better remedy the situation.

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Specializes in Family Nurse Practitioner.

It would be nice if you can find a way to get a new preceptor, but it seems like it will be difficult since it seems the manager is agreeing with the preceptor. Ask the preceptor/manager if you can draw up an action plan with specific attainable goals and guidance on how to achieve those goals. Have your preceptor meet with you for 10-15 minutes at the end of each day to review and give feedback. I hope it all works out. Use your resources! If you have a question about something and you are afraid of your preceptor's attitude ask the other nurses on the floor or your unit educator.

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I agree with the pp. They are giving you the opportunity to have a goal oriented, time specific improvement plan. This is not a bad thing. Keep the goals in mind, and be sure you are taking note of when you do something that is positive toward obtaining the goals.

The burden is on your preceptor to come up with specifics on what she means by subjective comments such as "bad attitude" and "defensive". Sometimes all of us get defensive, especially if overwhelmed. "Thank you, I will make that change and be mindful of it in the future" is a good general thought process. And be mindful of whatever it is.

Unfortunetely, sometimes nurses are put in this position when on their probation, as the facility has no obligation to give any reason for much in this time period.

It doesn't hurt to add that you were unaware that you were coming across as defensive or that you had a bad attitude, and you will attempt to change this. Ask for suggestions on how this can occur. Sometimes, your preceptor will give you the answer that you need to succeed. And if you are the type of person who is so focused on the tasks at hand (as most of us are in orientation) that you are not all sugar and glitter, then say that--"I tend to be hyper-focused, as I want to succeed and become a good nurse in practice. My intent has never been to have a bad attitude or to be defensive. I feel so fortunate to have this opportunity, that I am really trying to over-acheive, and apparently, this has come off differently than I anticipated".

Best of luck to you!

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You have all given me great input. I am definitely going to take all of your advice. I do not think that I can directly confront her, I believe that if I try, it will show up on the next report. I think I am going to ask her to give me DAILY WRITTEN feedback for the next week. That way I am not surprised by the next meeting AND if she comes up with a bunch of stuff that is not on the dailies, I will simply show the dailies and say, "Had I been aware, I would have been more than happy to work on those". My manager drew up an action plan with me. I am grateful that she took the time to do that. I hate being put in this situation, I want to succeed. I think thanking my preceptor for her input is a great idea. If anyone else has input, I am glad to hear it.

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I cant speak for your situation, but as a new grad working at his first job for several weeks I would strongly recommend you talk with your nurse educator.

Because thats what I would do in your situation.

Be sincere, honest with them, and try to improve yourself as best as you realistically can.

Personally I try to ask a ton of questions to whoever is educating me at the time, as it makes people think im interested (even if whatever it is is boring as hell) and frequently makes them think im far smarter than I really am.

Just be careful not asking too many questions that might come off as seeming dumb, and try to incorporate real thought when you can. I really think that asking good questions is by far the best way to show a desire to learn and eagerness to improve.

The bad attitude thing could likely just be conflicting personalities, and there really isnt a ton you can do about them, so you might just have to suck it up and cater to them.

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Specializes in Med/Surg/ICU/Stepdown.

I love when management bombard new nurses with generic complaints like that. I had a moment like this and I had been there only about 3 months. I was told I was a "know it all" and "overconfident," and in the same breath, I was also told that I "need to believe more" in myself. Um, what?!?

The bottom line is that you can't let anyone tell you about yourself. Sure, you can examine the comment to see if there is any merit to it, but if your preceptor and management can't give you concrete examples as to how you're behaving in that manner, then let it roll off your back. Nod your head politely when you're being spoken to, put on your best plastered smile, and try to make it through your preceptorship experience without skipping a beat. Learn all you can learn from that individual, and then wipe your hands clean of it.

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You have all given me great input. I am definitely going to take all of your advice. I do not think that I can directly confront her, I believe that if I try, it will show up on the next report. I think I am going to ask her to give me DAILY WRITTEN feedback for the next week. That way I am not surprised by the next meeting AND if she comes up with a bunch of stuff that is not on the dailies, I will simply show the dailies and say, "Had I been aware, I would have been more than happy to work on those". My manager drew up an action plan with me. I am grateful that she took the time to do that. I hate being put in this situation, I want to succeed. I think thanking my preceptor for her input is a great idea. If anyone else has input, I am glad to hear it.

And just be very sure that if you are getting daily written feedback, that you discuss the feedback, and you take the opportunity to put your own thoughts down as well. That way, when you have your meeting, you are prepared to discuss and what you did in regards to the feedback.

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