I haven't posted, or even lurked, in quite a while. I think I was at a point where I needed to take a little break, and then I had a lot going on for a bit, including a serious Vampire Wars addiction, followed by withdrawal from Vampire Wars addiction, and a lot of other stuff that kept me from getting back. Have some things going on now that will probably keep me from being as regular a member as I once was, but I wanted to share some of it.
My Dad is on hospice care at home. He has developed gangrene in his heels and the docs say his health isn't good enough to survive amputation. We've been fighting diabetes-related circulatory problems for quite a while, and it seems we're losing the battle. I can't put into words how bad this feels, but many of you know, and that's not really the point of this post.
I'm a nurse. I work in a hospital with other nurses, aides, and other staff. I've been going through a tough time, as others have and some still are. I've missed a lot of work. I have FMLA and an understanding boss. I've used up a ton of paid-time-off. A number of my coworkers have donated some of their paid-time-off after mine ran out. Lately, I've been able to get some extra help at home so I can get back to work, although, even when I am at work, it's hard to be entirely at work. A lot of you know what that's like, I'm sure.
There has been a part of me that has realized I needed to get back to work to find some normalcy in my life. I don't have a wife, or kids, or a lot of close family around. I have my Dad, my cats, and a few relatives I'm close to, and I've had to give some thought to what my purpose in life is going to be when I don't have my Dad. It's almost embarrassing to admit, but I'm thinking a big part of my purpose is going to be, being a nurse. I'm still kinda processing that idea. But a thing that has influenced my thinking a lot has been the love and support I've found at my job. My coworkers took up a collection and bought me--not candy, not flowers--a bottle of Maker's Mark. When they see me, they ask how I'm doing. Sure, people do that. You come down with the flu, everyone wants you to feel better, soon. But when your heart is breaking and you realize people actually care, man, it's hard to put into words what that's like.
My hospital used to do an annual survey among our employees to rate the top 100 nurses in our facility. They've gotten away from that, and I concur, but there were and are several nurses on my unit that were routinely on that list, and deservedly so. I think most would concur, though, that we only had one true Supernurse, and our hearts were broken a few years ago when she passed away. What we have now is a nice mix of experienced nurses and newer nurses, each with our respective strengths, and yes, some weaknesses. (That supernurse was my mentor, and part of what's kept me on weekend nights--her shift--was a somewhat optimistic hope of somehow carrying on some part of her legacy. I'm proud of my whole floor, but even though a lot of our current crew never even met PJ, weekend nights are tight. None of us is a genius, but as a group, we rock.)
So, here I am, at a place in my life where I need love and support in a way I rarely have, and one place I am sure to find it is at work. Some of you will probably post your condolences, and I thank you in advance, but what I really hope you'll take from this is: this is how nursing can be. Nearly all of us care for our patients. I'm sure most of us care for each other. I'm not sure we always realize how special that really is.
