What nursing ads/job descriptions REALLY mean...LOL!

[Antikigirl, ASN, RN]

join our fast-paced company"

we have no time to train you.

"casual work atmosphere"

we don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

"must be deadline oriented"

you'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

"some overtime required"

some time each night and some time each weekend.

"duties will vary"

anyone in the office can boss you around.

"must have an eye for detail"

we have no quality control.

"career-minded"

female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

"no phone calls please"

we've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

"seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience"

you'll need it to replace three people who just left.

"problem-solving skills a must"

you're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

"requires team leadership skills"

you'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

"good communication skills"

management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

---

new rules for employment

sickness and related leave: we will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

surgery: operations are now banned. as long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. you should not consider removing anything. we hired you intact. to have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

bereavement leave: this is no excuse for missing work. there is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. in rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. we will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough.

your own death: this will be accepted as an excuse. however, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

[pricklypear]

Hey, how did you get ahold of those rules from my hospital?!!

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

[Blackcat99]

So very true!!!! :rotfl:

[sayward]

Specially like "Must have eye for detail"

'We have no Quality Control.'

[Blackcat99]

How about LTC's that say "New graduates welcome." Do they really mean "The experienced local nurses know our facility and what a dump it is and they refuse to work here." :chuckle