What to do when nothing you do is right (long)

[serenidad2004]

I am having an issue with a nurse that I work with. A little background... I have been in nursing almost 10 years, first 9 in skilled/LTC and the last year or so in dialysis. I have worked with this nurse for sometime, while she was a tech in dialysis and I was a nurse on the floor, and again when she got her nursing license and worked for a year or so in skilled. I consider her a good friend, a reasource for me as she has worked in renal longer than I have. I respect her knowledge regarding renal patients and dialysis.

Anymore I cannot do anything right for her. Each of us nurses has 10 or so patients that we are the primary nurse for, do their care plans etc. I will admit transitioning to the primary nurse role was difficult for me, I was so used to managing multiple patients and taking care of everything that it was hard for me to just see a situation and not address it.

The problem comes in that if I do anything with any of her patients, I am apparently not doing it right. The flip side is... If I don't address an issue with one of her patients then I should have done something about it. She disagrees with me infront of patients and other staff. Sometimes it seems like she would say the sky was purple just because I said it was blue. As I stated earlier I respect her knowledge and skill in an area that I am not as experienced in, but at the same time I feel I deserve respect for the nursing experience I do have.

I try every single day to do my best and help out where I can. I have told this nurse and the other nurses that I work with to please just let me know if I am doing something that is wrong, or if I could do it differently to just tell me. I have ADD and sometimes my helpfulness gets the best of me, I have made it clear that if I am stepping on their toes or whatnot just to tell me. I take constructive critism well, and would listen to whatever they had to say or suggest.

I have tried to talk to this nurse to figure out what the issue is, and she avoids it. I am usually not a rude person, but honestly I want to look at her and tell her to drop the "holier than thou gods gift to dialysis nursing" attitude. I am tired of going to work with her and she talks and laughs with everyone but me, she actually ignores me unless she is disagreeing with me or telling me what I should or shouldn't have done with her patients.

I realize this is long, and when rereading it I sound like a whiney 15 year old. I am sorry for that but I am at my wits end!!

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

First off, I think that when you told the nurse in question as well as your other coworkers to let you know if you were doing something wrong, it can open the floodgates to your coworkers watching your practice and correcting ad lib. Constructive critisim is subjective.

I would concentrate on my own patients, as you need to get a handle on how to organize your care and your day--focus on the task at hand. I would not be quick to take on anyone else's patient until you are in a routine. Remember--and we all do it--we would like to have constructive critisim, but human nature is sometimes we get defensive. If you notice something happening with another patient, you could let the primary nurse know, (with a "can I help you, or are you all set) as opposed to feeling as if you need to fix everything for all the patients. Use whatever organizational tools you need to plan your day and your care. Figure out how you are going to focus on just your patients--and seek professional assistance if you are finding that difficult. Adult ADD is becoming more mainstream. Good luck in your endevours!

[serenidad2004]

Thank you for your feedback.. I really do appreciate it

[sharpeimom]

My husband has ADD and ADHD and it really makes a difference if he doesn't take his meds absolutely on time. With him, fifteen or twenty minutes late, makes a difference. His watch has an alarm that he sets as a reminder and if he has a noontime meeting, he'll set both his watch and his phone for times about five minutes apart.

I'd suggest keeping a log with the dates, times, and what was said, and the names of any other employees that were around of the times when she's especially obnoxious, which you can show your NM if it becomes more than annoying. Try not to react or let your face show what you're feeling. Some people quit doing it when they realize they aren't getting a rise out of you.

[serenidad2004]

Thank you for your feedback, I do appreciate it.

I seem to step on this nurses toes no matter what I do. Even simple things for her patients such as calling in a refill for a med that they need when she isn't there, or putting a note on the patients chart about a family request.

I don't get it, this is a nurse that I precepted in skilled care when she was finishing her RN courses. I also trained her for almost a month when she started working in skilled. I taught her alot, and never treated her the way she treats me now.

I don't let her see that she is getting a rise out of me. Oh well I guess, I don't have these problems with any of the other staff I work with, so I will continue to do the best that I can and try not to step on her toes.

[bebbercorn]

Maybe the issue is that you precepted her? Maybe she doesn't take constructive criticism well, and what you construed as a helpful comment, she took another way. I think just keep doing what you're doing, except maybe stop the effort at being her friend and keep it strictly professional for a while. When she tells you something you did wrong, thank her for taking the time to address it and leave it at that. Smile and return to your work. Hopefully with time, she'll come around.

[serenidad2004]

I am glad to say I sat down with this nurse and had a long talk and sorted out our issues. Found out it had more to do with her than me and I am now helping her to work through her own depression as she helped me work through mine so many months ago.

Thank you to all who responded I truly due value your input!!!