What Have I Gotten Myself Into. . .

[Grace6]

Hello everyone!

Okay so to start off, I've been a hospital Med Surg LVN for almost 3 years. I recently just graduated RN school in December 2014 and started my new RN job at a different hospital in February 2015 - in the ICU. I originally only wanted an ICU position to further my experience and become more comfortable with "advance" nursing skills. I figured that if I learned from a high impact critical nursing setting, that I could do what I truly love later with more ease at being able to handle situations.

With that being said...

It is now mid-April (only 2 and a half months on the job), I'm off orientation, and I cannot stop thinking "What Have I Gotten Myself Into..."

Not only do I not like ICU AT ALL, but I can't transfer to another unit in the hospital until August. And even when I am able to transfer, I don't know what position I am truly interested in or what would best suite me. Also, I'm so embarrassed to transfer so soon, because I feel like I have wasted my directors time, my preceptors time, and my own time with not liking this specialty unit. I have become depressed, miserable, and have gotten to the point where not only do I dread going into work every night, but I also just have no desire to do anything once I'm off. And then there's the thought that whichever unit or new job I apply for will ask me why I quit ICU so soon, and have doubts about hiring me. I just never thought I would dislike it so much!! And what erks me even more is that I had a NICU interview set up at this same hospital, but cancelled it when I got offered this ICU position because I thought I would get more experience. But then again what's the point of more experience if I'm miserable. . .

I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason and God has a plan far greater than mine! I just am so hopeful that things will work out, but I hope they do soon because this situation is really getting the best of me. I love nursing, but I feel like I am meant to be somewhere else with a calling. I don't know what yet, but I'm leaning more toward NICU, Nursery, Postpartum, or even Outpatient Day Surgery. I've even considered Hospice with a slower pace, just to not be so stressed! I want a position with more routine and less stress. How would those units look at me coming from ICU, though? That's such a drastic change going from ICU to women's services, for instance. I've also considered different departments like education, human resources, etc. I just have so many thoughts in my mind. . . I would appreciate any advice or tips SO much.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post!

Much Love and Blessings,

-Grace

[HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD]

I can understand how frustrated you must feel. It's always very disappointing when something does not live up all the hype, particularly when you have worked so hard to get there.

Critical care is not for everybody. It has no reflection on intelligence or skills.... some people, even those that can easily cope with the pace & have no problem with the skills... just don't like it. There have been some very interesting studies on this very thing - what type of nursing 'personality' is most likely to be happy in which type of clinical setting.

Characteristics that are associated with ICU are things like assertiveness, ability to make quick decisions and confidence. Just yesterday, I saw an article in a British Medical Journal that had identified a genetic marker for "quick thinking" as part of ongoing neuro-biological research.... more evidence that we're pretty much hardwired at conception - LOL. "Deliberate thinkers" probably would be miserable in an ICU job where they are expected to act very quickly, without a lot of information to go by.

My advice? Hang in there - adhere to the transfer rules. You can chalk this up to a learning experience - you know a lot more about where you DON'T want to work. Me? I've worked in a lot of different types of critical care areas & loved all of them except NICU. There were too many ethical gray areas for me. I happily jumped back into Neuro ICU as soon as I could.

[ddaviddudley]

I strongly suggest you hang in there. Establishing a strong firm work history is key to having a competitive edge on the market.

I went through 4 jobs that I absolutely hated before I got to my dream job. Pay your dues and it will be all down hill from there.

[Grace6]

Thank you for your response, "HouTx". I like what you said about different kind of thinkers. I never realized so much as I do now that I definitely do not "think quick". It took me being in this ICU setting to figure that out. I am more of a "take my time" kind of person. I work more efficiently with less stress, and with a routine. I am just so in the dark right now and this is not a good time for me. . I want my life to be bright and meaningful, and I know I will be a good nurse somewhere. Like I've said before, I know God has a plan. I am trying to not be so stressed out with this. . But it's hard not to be, because every time I step into that unit I become so stressed all over again. I'm going to try really hard to make it to that 6 month mark until I can transfer.

Thank you again!

[suanna]

Not a put-down, but if you are not truely happy in the ICU position, you will not be dissapointing your director, preceptor, or anyone else. They will probably be happy to see you bid off. There is a specific sub-set of skills necessary for almose every area of nursing. If you are not enjoying ICU by Aug, you aren't cut out for that job. It's no reflection on your skills, it is just the enviornment requires you to perform in a way that isn't comfortable for you. I know one of the best Med-Surg float nurses- different floor every shift, never 2 days the same in a row; she tried Critical Care and Bombed! She just wasn't comfortable with the degree of autonomy expected in a critical care area. Also, she didn't like depending on other team members to keep her out of the weeds when things were going south. She took the floor float position and does a wonderful job. I'm sure you are doing your best to manage your patients and do your share for the unit, but if it is that uncomfortable for you, I'm betting your fellow teammates are picking up your slack. 90% of being a great nurse is working in an area where you feel you can be a great nurse. You owe it to yourself, your peers, and your patients to look towards making a change if this job dosen't "click" soon. That being said- it is still a little new. A few more mos, and you may find as the skills are become more routine, your job satisfaction my start trending upward as you feel more comfortable in your role. It took me a year in my current position before I didn't dread every shift I was scheduled.