Very little or no support from family?

Published

Is anyone else dealing with very little support from family? I have been in nursing school for 1 year now and I feel like my husband doesn't seem to understand that I need some study time. I spent about 1.5 years doing pre-req's and I never really studied for any tests but now I need some study time and he acts like I just don't want to spend time with him and the kids or something.

Also, and this prolly bugs me the most. Or about a year before I started nursing school I told him which nights I would have class. Tuesday's and Thursday's. The very first week I started nursing s school, he joins a band that meets for practice in Thursday nights! So now every Thursday I have to find a babysitter for our kids. Am I being selfish? I mean, he knew for a year I needed him to watch the kids, feed them, put them to bed on Tuesday and Thursday's and the very week I start school, that's when he decides to join a band. He hadn't mentioned a band for years before this.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Wow. Hate to say it, but you've got yourself an incredibly selfish husband there. I was married to a guy like that. WAS.

What's up with his passive-aggressive behavior? Have you talked to him about it? Thought about counseling?

Good luck to you.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Sorry about that it sucks doesnt it? Join the club on lack of support. I hear this same story over and over talking to other women. When I told my husband I was going to take a class (my first pre-req), the first words out of his mouth were "Im not paying for it". If I had counted on support from my husband in the begining I would never had gotten this far. (just graduated) After I got going in the program my husband did give me some verbal support and got the kids off to school in the morning.

You would think that husbands would do anything possible to help us along with our education. Its for the benefit of the entire family. I would tell him that he can go ahead and find and pay for a babysitter if thats what HE wants to do. Its his responsibility to find a replacement if he wants to go play with his friends. Does he find a babysitter when he goes to work and you want to go out to lunch and shop with your girlfriends?

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Holy stress!!! That really isn't fair to you, since you ARE doing something to enhance both your future and his. I happen to have a very supporting husband, who actually drives me nuts by taking over things so much that I feel like I'm losing control of my household! ;) I don't understand the lack of support, really. If our mates are in the relationship for good....I would imagine they would be a heck of a lot more understanding and supportive. He should understand that you need him to be there on specific nights and that he might have to hold off on his hobby while you guys get through a really important part of BOTH of your lives. I'm certainly no counselor, but if he's feeling left out -try including him in study time? I wish you the best of luck with your relationship.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in L&D.

Wow Im sorry. Let me tell you what I would do. I would tell my husband, "I have class on Tuesdays and Thursdays...I suggest you find a new time for your band to practice because you will be watching the children. If you suddenly find that you are unavailable to watch your own children, then I would suggest you find a sitter because I will not be available."

You are letting him put it back on you. Put the responsibility for finding the sitter back on him! This should not be your worry as your husband should be available to watch them and instead planned something fun. That's HIS problem not yours.

I would also suggest counseling to deal with this if needed, so that he can understand he must be an active, supportive participant in the marriage/childcaring.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Wow, that's incredibly selfish of your husband. Maybe, he is jealous to see you going for your dreams. In a way, he might not intentionally be trying to sabotage you but more subconsciously? Try talking to him about goals he may have (I know how hard it is to get men to talk about feelings...I am married too!) Maybe you can compromise, he helps you through nursing school then you support him to follow his dream. Tell, him how his lack of support makes you feel. Don't accuse or attack..which is is easy to do when you feel he doesn't care. Express how important NS is to you and your desire to help your family. When you work towards your dreams together you create a stronger, more supportive marriage! Good Luck! ;)

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I'm so sorry you are having to do this without that support. To be honest I feel like my husband endless support is what makes my nursing school process do-able. I would sit him down and be honest with how you're feeling. Tell him that he an choose another day to practice that you old be able to watch the kids but there is no reason for him to have practice on those days other than to be difficult for you. Good luck, I hope he understands and sees your side

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Thanks everyone. I have my final next week and then I have about a month off before school starts again so I'm gonna talk to him after final, to try and give myself a little time to de-stress and then hopefully I will be able to stay calm.

I can't remember who said it (sorry I didn't take the time to check ) but I think maybe he is feeling a little left out and I'm sure there are things I could do to make sure he knows his dreams are just as important as mine.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion