Very discouraged with scared parents

Trauma Columnist · Aug 24, 2009

Many things change over the years in the military. Please don't let your parents scare you. You are an adult and it is your decision to make.

As to emergency leave (leave that you take due to a family emergency), it starts with your family calling the Red Cross who then gets in touch with your commander and then you. If possible, yes they will fly you home - sometimes at your expense, sometimes at the gov'ts (if you are overseas). However, the caveat to this is that it is not something they will be doing every 2-3 months - it is a rare occasion. If your father is chronically ill and in the ICU often, the military might not be the place for you if you feel you would need to be in the hospital with him.

My own examples of military leave include when I was on active duty and my mother had an MI - I was stationed in Spain and was allowed to go home but the only air fare that was paid was from Spain to New York which was the port of entry into the US. Then, I paid the rest of the way to IL.

When my mother died, my husband was in Greenland (1986) and of course no phones, no computers, etc.. The Red Cross had a very difficult time reaching him - took 24 hours and we decided that it wasn't worth it to have him come home since my mother was Jewish and being buried that day.

So...you kinda get the idea. When you join the military, yes you do "belong" to the military but they do realize you have a family. However, everyone's involvement in their family differs and the military makes an effort to keep on top of things but obviously can't please everyone.

Talk with some active duty folks.

carolinapooh, BSN, RN · Aug 24, 2009

As both a former AF member who just commissioned back into the AF and will be returning to active duty in October, I agree with traumaRus.

And remember, being a civilian doesn't guarantee you'd be able to drop everything and return home at a moment's notice either - just something to consider.

In the electronic age we live in, if rape of female service members was a common occurrence, I promise we'd hear about it. I did two tours in the Persian Gulf as an Air Force K9 cop - you'll be fine. There are, of course, the very real dangers of combat (in that you could possibly be killed), but I'm willing to take that chance. Generally speaking the medical corps is fairly protected (and I know that's not always the case - I'm aware of IEDs and stuff launched over the wire) and there's always the chance that your "deployment" won't be to Afghanistan or Iraq; my husband worked with the US military for eleven years and did his last three in Iraq taking a Blackhawk chopper to work. He lived in Doha, Qatar during that time, and said there were many, many AF nurses there for a six month deployment (I lived in that area as a civilian and trust me, Doha is not a combat zone!).

I can promise you that your experience as an Air Force officer in the Nurse Corps and your father's experience as a Marine infantryman will be even more different than night and day.

When I was active duty, I know that the Red Cross would do everything within its power to help people with family emergencies and the Air Force would do whatever it could to help that person get home WHEN POSSIBLE.

(My father was a Naval corpsman in the Korean and Vietnam wars and flew Medevac in Vietnam, my oldest brother spent 25 years on submarines and retired as an E9, and my other brother - the weird one, LOL - retired after spending 25 years jumping out of perfectly good airplanes with the 101st Airborne Division in the US Army and retired as an E8. So I've got a lot of military family history to fall back on. When I enlisted the first time in 1996, all of them encouraged me to either go Navy or Air Force. I chose the Air Force, got out, and then spent the next nine years trying to find a way to get back in.)

And I agree with trauma - talk to some active duty folks or even Reservist RNs who have done tours at a forward location.

USAFhopeful · Aug 27, 2009

Bumping my post :o/

allnurses Guide · Aug 27, 2009

To my knowledge there hasn't been any AF nurses killed in support of OEF/OIF. I advise you and your parents to take a look at this pdf of life at Balad AFB in Iraq before trying to guess what life is really like. More than likely as an AF nurse you will spend 100% of your time on base during your deployment. http://www.1108avcrad.com/TAMP-IraqInsert_Edit_.pdf

I had one girl that had a lot of trouble during COT d/t a situation similar to yours. Basically you need to decide if you are going to live your own life or submit to your parents opinion/worries.

Not to mention the fact it will more than likely be years before you even deploy if and when you get into the AF. Remember for most nurses it takes almost a year before they actually enter the AF from start of initial contact/paperwork with the recruiter.

iodine66 · Sep 19, 2009

I don't know your age, but I joined the air nat'l guard at 22. this was during Viet Nam and yes, my parents worried. On the other hand, it was the best decision I made in my career. My roomie joined the Navy and stayed, and retired, many years sooner than I could from my then, civillian job.

I know from where you dad speaks, having brought back hundreds of men/boys from Nam. The job you will have will be ABSOLUTELY NOTHING like what he went thru. Yes, you will have leadership, but as an officer, you are considered to have leadership skills and USE THEM. No one will tell you when to potty, as a grown up, you know when you have to go.

As an ED nurse, I saw Many more cases of rape in Memphis than I did in the 4 years I was a flight nurse---all women know when they are safe and when to stay with a group. Heck, even the universities recommend girls walk with groups or at least another gal. And this is on campus, in the city, and likely day light. As I traveled aroound the world, the only time I felt uncomfortable alone was in Madrid, a bunch of American guys were making rude passes at me on the street. I was even comfortable in the Phillipines, with a soldier and a rifle every 20 yards in the area of the officers quarters. I lived in the visiting officers area since I was a flight nurse and was in and out on the base.

You have to decide your future. I would be willing to bet that after you stick to your guns and make your own decisions, your family will have more respect for you and see you bloom and grow as a military nurse.

No, you won't be going home every time your dad is in the ICU. And you wouldn't be able to do it if you worked in a civillan hospital. You DO have responsibility to your team and your patients, and so, I would hope, would choose your "emergency" visits to your home carefully.

As you know, it's all up to you. NOT anyone else. I wish you the best in your decision making.