Trying to get a new job boss preventing it

[Flossy73]

Hi, I go to interviews do well. However when I get to the reference check my current boss will say I'm a excellent nurse but I have a problem communicating with her. So I lose out. I have to use her as a reference but how can I get around it. Also she brings up a incidence where a other nurse didn't talk to me for two shifts because she said I allocated incorrectly and then after the shift went to the boss and complained. In fact I gave her my patients and she had the lowest acuity on the ward. And she lied and my boss believed her. How can I move on. I plan to give four weeks notice then I won't be an employee and I have asked a former charge nurse to give a reference.

[Sour Lemon]

How do you know what she's saying?

[Flossy73]

The interviewer told me everything my boss said. And asked me if we had a good relationship. I was off for a month following surgery. So I thought I would try for a new position because I'm bored and because it's not a nice place to work. So maybe she thought I was disloyal.

[Sour Lemon]

1 minute ago, Flossy73 said:

The interviewer told me.

That's odd. Was the interviewer trying to give you a chance to explain?

I would be very tempted to confront my boss and show her that I did have communication skills. Using an alternate reference is a good strategy. The fact that you're employed and haven't been fired is usually good enough, otherwise. I've never given a potential employer permission to contact my current employer.

[Flossy73]

Theres more to it. Another nurse went to her and said I didn't allocate patients properly. I gave her my patients with low acuity on night shift because she wanted them. I actually didn't want to give them up but I thought she doesn't handle nights looks stressed so will do that for her. So then she stormed out of the room and said it was unfair and didn't speak to me all shift. Even when I gave her what she wanted The other nurse with us noticed it but she never stood up for me. At the end of the shift that nurse went to my boss and said I gave her the worse patients. So called into her office and she believed that person and told me I should have worked it out. I was professional friendly to that nurse despite her ignoring me all night. But what could I do. So this was brought up in the reference check too. That nurse carried on her behaviour and still does. In fact she did that to someone else calling this poor girl a snake in front of visitors patients and staff. That person went to other job. I've been a nurse for a long time never had this happen. So I'm due to go back to work and I'm worrying that I won't be able to leave. Bullying does exist and there's a couple of people doing it some directly and a few going to the boss. With this person at the center. But this nurse is the bosses favourite . I need a miracle. My husband doesn't understand the culture of nursing he believes you just say get out of my face and that sorts it. It doesn't. I feel depressed about going there.

[JKL33]

Comments are only meant for your consideration, not to criticize you, since you want to change your situation:

You are easy for them to pick at. You sometimes don't stand up for yourself. Only you know whether that's all the time or just some of the time, but we do know it's at least some of the time based on your previous posts.

Do you project insecurity and/or possibly incompetence as part of your personality? Unfortunately, significant insecurity can very much give others the impression that you aren't competent.

You have to decide to do something different and gain some additional areas of strength. You just have to. It sounds kind of daunting but you might be stuck for awhile unless you take some proactive steps that are in your best interest. I'm still thinking about how you handled the whole situation with your supervisor and the liar. You can't let yourself get tromped on in situations like that! In fact I think that whole situation came to pass because previous to that you didn't stand up for yourself, either. Giving someone an easy assignment and then letting them get away with complaining about it and maligning you really suggests a rather major insecurity.

People pick up on this, and whether it's right or wrong, they form opinions and make decisions accordingly.

Is there any possible way to use any other person for a reference?

And, consider some coaching, counseling, or career advisement in order to increase your projection of your own strengths.

??

PS - make sure you aren't trying to run away by getting yourself more of the same. You say you recently interviewed for a position teaching others e-prescribing even though you aren't good with computers. Don't make moves like that! It would just put you in another situation where others immediately sense decreased self-confidence.

Find a new reference, look for jobs where you will be able to capitalize on your own strengths, and then from the moment you meet new people, project an appropriate level of confidence.

[Flossy73]

I'm definitely not incompetent. But I do agree that if someone is more dominating I tend to have some issue with that. I'm quite soft I think in my personality hence that's why I gave her my patients. I mean if a nurse ignored you like that what would you do ? Actually I spoke to that charge nurse today. She said that she wasn't sure how to approach me like I appear anxious or something. As for running away nope I I'm over working there and the drama. I think most of my life I had issues with bully types but it's hard to handle them.