Trying to forgive and forget


After working as a certified nursing assistant for over eighteen years. I finally found the courage to leave the field. I have spent several hours reading posts about bullying and co-worker mistreatment and would like to share my story. I lived a life of torment and was ridiculed, ostracized and sabotaged at every corner. All I wanted was to do my job and take care of my residents. I was as, many of you, have pointed out was an easy target and had no desire to be confrontational. In high school, I was bullied and to help me graduate they sent me to a vocational tech program to become a nursing assistant throwing me into a snake pit. The good news is that I did get the chance to go to college, and a year ago I was hired to work as a case manager for dislocated workers. Several of my clients are interested in working in the healthcare field and many would like to start out as cnas. However, I am still trying to forgive and heal so that my negative experience does not influence people who might just love a career in nursing and be good at it. I love my job and I am supported by wonderful and amazing coworkers today and I am slowly learning to trust again. To the bully's some people do not have thick skin and are not confrontational so leave them alone and the ones who do not fit in nursing will find their way out. Also, firing someone because you do not like them is not fair and can have far reaching consequences.

Specializes in Critical Care.

I'm sorry for what you endured all those years, but I'm very happy for you that you have found a good job where you are finally appreciated! Congrats!

I think you can share the good and bad of your experiences with your clients and let them make their own decisions on what jobs to pursue. The truth is bullying happens everywhere from the neighborhood, schools and beyond into the workplace.

You just never expect it at work because you think you are dealing with adults and that bullying is the stuff of misbehaving school children. Worse at work you can't take them on and fight back like you could in the school or neighborhood. You can't just tell them off or knock 'em down to get rid of them and that's what it takes many times to stop them!

Funny thing is I was never bullied as a child so I was totally unprepared for the harassment I received on the job as a nurse. No I wasn't miss popularity, and didn't mind,and my experience was a live and let live kind of thing. However, I've had friends who were very traumatized by being bullied and never totally got over it! My only bullying experience was in high school when I was new and didn't know hardly anyone and I put a stop to it right away! I fought back and that was the end of it!

But your not on a level playing field at work, the bullies recruit their clique to gang up on you and isolate you and harass you and where do you turn. I never went to the manager because I knew she wouldn't care and wouldn't side with me since I was new. I just held on and drew a line in the sand, and decided that I wasn't going to let them make me quit!

Eventually Karma stepped in and the head bully lost her job, was demoted and went thru total personal, physical and job hell. God does take over if you let him!

I'm very happy you found a wonderful new job where you are at peace. God can restore your life and make up for the years of suffering you endured.

To the bullies out there, you know who you are! Back off! Otherwise your time will come and it won't be pretty! There really is no excuse for your behavior, you're adults now and you should be ashamed of yourselves!

In near death experiences, people are shown what they did and said and how it affected those around them, both the good and the bad. You actually feel the pain and harm you've caused others. So watch out, I guarantee you it won't be pretty!


38 Posts

I would imagine that in your 18 years as a CNA you had a positive impact on the lives of your patients and their families. Maybe when you think about steering someone away from a career in the medical profession, you should consider the good moments you had with those patients. They deserve to have people providing care who feel called to do so. You can feel good knowing that you are continuing to contribute to their well being by encouraging loving individuals to join the profession.

Poi Dog

1,134 Posts

Learn from the experience and if you take anything from it, let it be that you know how NOT to treat people.

I am so glad you found your spot....I am still trying to find mine. I have been henpecked by the popular club myself: left out of social interactions as a CNA because I didn't go out on weekends and now disrespected because I have a Bachelor's Degree in a field where co-workers and bosses try to make you feel ashamed to have education.

Good post.


280 Posts

Specializes in LTC, Disease Management, smoking Cessati. Has 28 years experience.
I am so glad you found your spot....I am still trying to find mine. I have been henpecked by the popular club myself: left out of social interactions as a CNA because I didn't go out on weekends and now disrespected because I have a Bachelor's Degree in a field where co-workers and bosses try to make you feel ashamed to have education.

Good post.

NEVER, NEVER and I'll say it one more time...NEVER be ashamed of having an education, those who try to make you feel that way are selfish and jealous. My Father always told me "An education is something no one can take away from you, you will always have it to use or fall back on!" He was so right, so no matter what hold your head up high and never let them see you sweat!

Good Luck in all your endeavors!


Healing Soul

20 Posts

Thanks for all your nice comments and words of encouragement. Having a master's degree did not help my cause in the last couple of years working a CNA. However, now I am paid for that education because my employer values education and my job requires it. I hope that you find a great job that values your education because you deserve to be happy in the nursing field or in a different field. Yes, I did share several special moments with my residents and I have known some wonderful nurses. But the morning I walked out to my car in the employee parking lot only to find that someone had carved the b-word all over my vehicle with a sharp object and slashed my tires really broke my spirit. However, when reported the charge nurse said well no one likes you so it wouldn't surprise me. And there was several other instances but I would write a book and my goal here is to forgive and forget. I think that it is important to understand that some bulling is serious and goes far beyond the occassional snide comment or slight it can be criminal and I should have called the police and next time I will but I needed my job and I was afraid of what they would do next. I did finally leave that job and the field as a whole shortly after.

Once again, good post. I think that your story and the contributions from other posters have helped many who have read this topic, whether they have responded or not.

I think from the way that you speak, you have forgiven and have put your experiences in a clear perspective. I think that you can be able to encourage people to pursue a career in the field but at the same time give gentle cautious advice. Intelligent people appreciate honesty.