Topic Discussion

Hello fellow nurses in recovery. I posted a few things more related to how I am feeling rather than jobs, BON, drug testing, etc. and got such a positive response to my post that I thought it might be a nice thing to have a place to just talk about recovery how we are feeling and share and relate to one another. So I am going to get it started by picking a topic I am experiencing in my recovery and share about it. Please feel free to relate, change the topic, and share what you are feeling (judgement free zone please).

Early sobriety...Easy Does It

So I am 35 days sober today (since it is way past midnight I guess that means I am in day 36 but whose counting...37, 38, 39...just kidding) and I have thrown fits and temper tantrums in my IOP group, cried in meetings, built up resentments (who sweet little me:madface:) and just want things to go my way. I was in a meeting today and just cried and said I just am doing this all wrong. I am going to meetings but I feel so super wrong in how I am going about sobriety and how I see everyone else (with years) going about sobriety. Boy did I learn something. I was asked if I picked up and I said no of course not and lose my new found friends (yes I have friends now who would have thunk it) and risk my livelihood yet again and more importantly have to start back at day one and go through withdrawal all over again...that sucked monkey butt I was then lovingly told then you are right where you are suppose to be. Someone asked me if I ever played an instrument ,and I love this analogy, to which i said yes I did I played piano. (We can see where this is going right) Could I play the hardest piece the first time I sat down to the piano...nope. How did I get to play a difficult piece...gee I wonder...hours and hours of practice. Same thing. Then I thought about gymnastics (years and years ago) how many times did I fall of the balance beam or slip off the uneven bars only to get back up and keep trying to do that back walkover on a 4 inch wide beam or get that dismount off the high bar right (let me tell you a lot) It hurt a lot but I kept doing it till I got it right. That is sobriety I have to miss the keys sometimes to learn to play the piece and I need to fall off the beam of sobriety (not drinking just in thought process and learning) and fall on my butt a few times to finally get it right. I have excellent coaches that have gone through it and I need to be coachable. Does not mean I will ever get it perfectly right but everyday I can improve. This is a journey not a destination. Last thought that I was told that I loved loved loved. Someone asked me was birthing your baby the hardest thing you have ever done, I said no too quickly. I said sobriety is the hardest thing I have ever done. Then I thought about it 41 hours of labor...okay that was one of the hardest things I have ever done it was painful and horrific but the result was so awesome I forget the pain a lot of times. Oh wait lightbulb moment:woot: Sobriety is PAINFUL at first but look at the people with years the result is pretty great. AHA!!!!!! I am birthing a new person myself. I have labor coaches that have done it. I am not alone in this. I am 35 days old (when my daughter was 35 days old she was colicky and never stopped crying...geee think I learned something today)