To be, or not to be, that is the question...

Welcome back to the forum! I am not a nurse yet, but I feel the need to respond to your post. I think that if you are always going to wonder "what if", that you should take another crack at nursing school. You say yourself that you have a longing to be a nurse, so do it. I do think that your clinical skills would improve over time, the more you do something, the easier it gets. You just have to have patience with yourself, and be willing to tolerate the uncomfortable feelings everyone has when they are out of their comfort zone. But challenging yourself and trying new things that you may not be good at right away is how people grow. Best of luck to you!

I know the feeling of "what if." I'll share my story, not as advice for you, but just as someone else's experience of the choice of whether or not to continue to pursue clinical nursing. So here goes...

I graduated with a degree in nursing but am not working clinically. I wonder sometimes if I had just tried a bit more if I could be the kind of clinical nurse I admire... and I do admire nurses! But there is only so much time in the day, and I have decided at this point in my life, that working in health care administration is the best choice for me.

It should be no surprise to me that I have ended up away from the bedside. I generally felt awkward during my clinical rotations and was disappointed that I didn't take to clinical more. But I wasn't going to give up! And I wanted to prove I could do it! I'm smart and hard-working and motivated... I SHOULD be able to do it, right? Besides, everyone said working was different from school, so maybe I'd like it better after finishing school.

So I graduated and eventually started working as an RN. It was an enormous challenge. And I'm proud of making it as far as I did. But I was miserable. And from what everyone said it would take 1-2 years of full-time work to start to feel better. And to what end?

I had always liked the idea of being a travel nurse, working in an ICU, working in triage... but now that I had experience as a student and as a nurse, I was beginning to question if I truly would enjoy such jobs. Sure, I'd love the hours, the pay, the knowledge, the flexibility... but day-to-day, running around non-stop for 12 hour shifts, juggling patients, constantly re-prioritizing patient issues, dealing with stressed, overworked colleagues... I found myself drained by each shift, without adequate re-energization to keep going in again the next shift, and the next. Unlike nursing school, the supervisors don't change each term and you are never truly finished - you just pass on what needs to be done and come back for more the next day or day after. And let me state again, I admire those who thrive in that kind of work environment!

So after being miserable at several clinical positions, I decided to apply for more administrative type jobs in health care. It meant a pay cut - at least originally. But my mental health was much improved. My work was something that I felt comfortable going to each day; challenging but not overwhelming.

To change direction felt like I was "giving up" and "wasting my education" and "settling for mediocrity" and "letting myself down" and "not living up to my potential"... so I did give it a good try before moving on.

So now I like to think that I'm realizing my potential in health care administration- and that I have valuable skills and talents to offer in that arena. I admire clinical nurses and wish I took to it more than I did. Still, I'll bet there are great clinical nurses out there that would hate what I do (which involves lots of desk work) and are glad that someone out there likes it and is good at it.

Thank you do much for your response and for sharing your response. I bet you are wonderful at what you do, and yes I'm sure there are clinical nurses that are thankful that there are those like you who enjoy the administrative sided of things :)

Thank you jenni for stopping to answer my question and for lending an ear. I'm thinking that I just may give it a try :)

Saved by Grace, have you considered doing training/taking a job that would involve clinical hands-on work in order to see how you feel about it? Phlebotomy (blood drawing) training? Working as a nursing assistant? They get lots of exposure to hands on hygiene care and some NAs also get trained in blood glucose sticks, ECGs, enema administration and other clinical nursing tasks.

Sure, it's more time efficient to go straight for a nursing license if that's what you definitely want to do. But if you're not sure, taking a slower, less direct route might actually be more time efficient so you don't get overwhelmed and are able to feel more confident in yourself. Perhaps with other clinical experience, your confidence level would increase and that could translate to a better nursing school experience when and if you do decide to give it another go.

If you're going to have to start from scratch with pre-reqs again, there's no reason to rush to get back into school. Working a few years in just about any job would likely develop skills and self knowledge that would benefit you in nursing school and as a nurse in the future. Basically, my point is that even if you don't try to get back into nursing school right now, that it will still be an option - and that taking time to get back into it doesn't have to be a drawback. Getting back into nursing school ASAP is also a valid goal. As with many things, it depends on you! Your desires, motivations, skills, experience, etc...

Best wishes to you in your pursuits!!!

Wow! I have to give you a big thumbs up for being so candid. I'd like to comment, and just let you know that you're not alone in this challenge.

It IS normal to have some doubts about your career path, especially while you're in school... The first, second or 100th go-around! The real truth is what is genuinely in YOUR heart and soul, and it is true that you (and only you) can truly realize your strengths. Relax, breathe, and don't be so hard on yourself. As a fellow Nursing Student, (returned to earn my BSN at age 43)and 20-year LPN; My truth is that I've attempted college algebra 6 times, and quit each class in the 3rd week, because of my lack of self confidence! OUCH... (But- I am determined to prevail). I am sure that you may have felt awed and amazed when you observe seasoned Nurses in action- in their element, doing what they have been trained to do best. As a nursing student, we all get overwhelmed and seriously question their own ability to become as competent, knowledgeable, compassionate, and PROFESSIONAL as these nurses. This- is where the rubber meets the road! There's no shame in realizing that this avenue of health care may not be your calling! Health Care has so many roads... ALL vital and unique. You have to feel absolutely great about you; and you'll know what to do. Hang in there and do what feels absolutely right- for YOU!

Grace,

It's funny but I think we all have the doubts you have had at one time or another. It took me 15 years to finally finish my RN with children and moves but now I have worked for 13 years in a variety of areas of nursing. I still end a busy week of work wondering if there is something else out there that would be less stressful and more rewarding but always find myself back at nursing.

I think you have to listen to that deepest part of you that is asking the question and find your motivation. Why nursing? Why clinical vs any other aspect of nursing?

Be true to your primary reasons for the profession and it will be true to you!

Tess :)

Hi, I can relate to your post in a lot of ways, you sound a lot like me actually. I'm also very self-conscious and socially anxious at work, still lack a lot of confidence in myself, even though I've been a nurse for about a year and a half; and my fine motor skills aren't so great. I actually think I may have a mild case of Asperger's disorder although I haven't been formerly diagnosed. But, I have managed to survive and be fairly successful at nursing thus far despite these drawbacks; but it has not been an easy road at all...and to be honest I've been really unhappy with it...but that may or may not be the case for you. Like someone else said, I think it's a really good idea to try working as a nurse's aide or phlebotomist or something just to kind of get your feet wet and get a better idea of what nurses do and see if it's something you'd want to pursue. I wish I'd done that, then I probably would have decided not to pursue it. I've found out that direct patient care just isn't for me, but you may find you like it in spite of the difficulties you mentioned. Good luck!

Thank you all for listening and for your advice. I just wanted to update and say that I have decided to go for it. I talked to the Director of Nursing today and I don't need to take the lpn pre-req's again. I just have to re-test for the admissions and go through the selection process again. They go on test scores only. So I have a very good chance of getting back in next fall. I'm so excited. In the meantime I will finish up my RN prerequisites.

That's great! Good luck!

Best Wishes, Grace!

Remember- relax, Breathe, and be yourself, for YOU!

Congradulations! I just know this time you will be successful!