The value of gratitude and a recovery program

allnurses Guide · Feb 18, 2016

Soro I couldn't go to bed without responding to your post

Today isn't an easy day, but it did teach me a few things about the value of a good recovery program and gratitude. .

It is said among the Navy Seals and other special forces that the only easy day is yesterday. That s because we never know what the next day will bring and so we can only face each one as they come.

It is said that the cornerstone of good recovery is not what comes your way, but how you deal with it; and that happiness is not the point (BW) of working the program. After today, I saw the value in that, once again.
I am standing up for myself in a weird family situation, years in the making. I am saying no to a status quo that doesn't have my well being at heart and stopping something that perhaps should have been addressed years ago, by both sides, myself included. I take responsibility for my part in things, but that's where it stops. I'm not taking responsibility for the actions of others. I'm also aware that family systems that are dysfunctional will try to scapegoat the one that is different, the one that questions the status quo, and the one who finally says "No, I'm not going to participate in that and I ask you to respect my position." In some cases, the opposition is fierce. I don't know what is to come, but I know that the price of not saying no will be far worse and I'm not willing to pay it. .

I too have recently had to come to grips with a very weird and dysfunctional family dynamic that has been years in the making - It has caused me great stress when I have little extra energy to spare - I have come loser to losing my sobriety in the past few weeks than in my past ten years of working my program.

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I'm grateful to have people in my life that care for me, point out how warped and messed up the situation in my family really is, and most of all, that I am not using over this situation. .

I too am happy to have people in my life who I can count on to always understand and have my back. It helps me to stay the course and keep trudging and I constantly move forward to the next indicated right thing.

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Part of my addiction was based in ignoring my own needs and self based on the well worn "tradition of unselfishness" that we all have come into contact with in nursing and many of us in family or other relationships. My participation in this and not taking care of myself has exacted a very high price and I'm not paying that anymore. I'm not willing to sacrifice my self worth to maintain a status quo that doesn't have my best interests at heart. .

Everyone's addiction has its own flavor and character and it's like a sneaky little pest a rat constantly sniffing at the foundations of your house trying to find the way in and set up a fertile breeding ground. We patch those holes with a plaster made from the ashes of our past lives.

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With all this, I'm in new territory. Taking risks is hard, especially in one's family of origin. All of us wants respect and to be heard. Everyone has a right, at any point, to say No. .

There is no shame or risk to saying no to any situation family or otherwise that may undermine all your hard work. You have nothing to be ashamed of and after all FEAR means Face Everything And Recover

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I am 52 years old, and have no interest in causing anyone grief. Family is important to me. But not at the expense of my self worth. .

We are almost the same age you and I and sometimes I feel every one of the 19,345 days I have spent on this earth. Before I found sobriety almost every day I can count even the one's before I started drinking have been filled with anxiety, uncertainty and a sense I was going completely mad.

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I am very grateful for the support I do have in my recovery, and for the program I practice every minute of every day. Without it I might not have had the strength or perspective to extricate myself from this situation. .

I too am grateful for the support I have in recovery - from friends and family who get it and even those who have no idea what it's like to sometimes want so badly to get outside my skin by any means possible.

One of my biggest challenges is that I am married to an HFA (High Functioning Autistic) He programs spaceships for NASA and while he is brilliant it can sometimes be like communicating with an alien intelligence. Still he has proven many times over in recent years that he loves me and always has my back.

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Thank you all for listening.

May you be cradled in God's palm during this stressful time. I am pretty sure you have IM privileges so reach out to me if you want to communicate with me directly.

Peace and Namaste

Hppy

paidmydues · Feb 18, 2016

...a huge step for you Soror...good for you....paid

Oogie · Feb 19, 2016

A good state of mind for self!

SororAKS, ADN, RN · Feb 20, 2016

For a long time, severing ties with family was really unthinkable. I always thought that even though they gave me mixed messages, in a tough situation they would still stand with me even if we disagreed. I was afraid to let that go, even though if I am honest with myself I smelled the signs for years. I just didn't have clear and indisputable evidence of anything. Now that I do...wow. It was, I guess, too easy to hold on to illusions of that "we're one big happy family" thing. My instincts told me something was wrong, but I didn't think I would be believed if I said anything (later turned out to be true), and at the time didn't have the confidence to do what (I hope) doesn't have to be done.

The points of this story are: One cannot hold onto a situation that no longer resembles the safe and loving environment it may have been once. What is happening now may be unbelievably painful, but I have learned truths that I absolutely needed to learn. Holding onto the illusions of that family who once was, is not worth my peace of mind, that of my husband, or my clean time.

So I am again feeling very grateful and clean this evening.