The Unwritten Rules Of Dating As A Nurse

[Nurse Beth]

I'm just curious if it is against any rules to date a former patient of mine at the inpatient ward?????? please let me know he's such a sweet man and we totally connected a few months after he was in!

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Dear Wants to Date Former Patient,

Nurses are the most trusted profession and as such follow a code of ethical behaviors. There are no legal rules around dating a patient, but we are bound to a code of ethics. The ANA Code of Ethics tells us when there's a conflict between personal values and professional values, the conflict must always be addressed in a way that puts our patients' safety and concerns first.

The intimate nature of nursing can lead to a risk of boundary violations and it's up to the nurse to establish the boundaries.

According to the National Council of State Boards of Nursing (NCSBN) there are questions to help determine the appropriateness of dating a patient and guide professional boundaries.

• How long ago was the nurse patient relationship? If it's a current relationship, dating is prohibited.
• Was the care provided extensive? A one day stay in the hospital is different than a two week stay.
• Is there a chance he'll be your patient in the future?

In your case, he was not your patient, and you did not enter into a nurse-patient relationship. You connected after he was hospitalized. You are not violating any professional boundaries, and I wish you and your sweet man well.

Best wishes,

Nurse Beth

Author, "Your Last Nursing Class: How to Land Your First Nursing Job"...and your next!

This article is featured in the Fall 2018 issue of our allnurses Magazine...

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[Laurean]

This is why we have ethics. Yes, there are those who would take advantage of those who are experiencing possibly the worst time of their lives.  In my eye, those people need treatment as well. I have in the past, and will in the future, call anyone who is in a power of authority over these patients on inappropriate behavior.  With that said, here are the consequences of choosing to prey on these patients;

1. You will be turned into APS/CPS for emotional, physical, financial  or sexual abuse. If founded, that has its own ramifications.  

2. You will be blacklisted from our community of Healthcare workers. We are small and we had a meeting. You will never work in psych again. 

3. You will run into a nurse/caregiver like myself and trust me when I say, we have no fear. We have our facts straight before we approach and we know how to get our point across. Thus the work we do. 

As you can tell this is a passionate issue for me. We work VERY hard to stop mental health stigma and taking advantage of our patients is part of that. This has happened in the past and until mental health is FULLY accepted as part of our medical care it will continue. 

To your statement that we too have mental health issues is partially true. However, remember the stats regarding this. 1 in 4 people have bipolar mood disorder. 1 in 2 will experience debilitating depression at least once in their lifetime. We ALL know someone with a mental health issue. I had severe depression, successfully treated (yay!) But it was my own mother that I saw as a kid in a mental hospital,  drooling and shuffling because of her fighting spirit with her mental illness. I decided then, there had to be a better way. Now that I'm winding down my career I just want to say one thing... make good choices. Take care of our people not advantage.  ❤️

[hppygr8ful, ASN, RN, EMT-I]

As a psych nurse of 20 years who has had my own battle with depression and Addiction I know that people with mental health issues are for the most part good people. Still I most likely would not form relationships with former patients as a matter of maintaining ethical boundaries. Leaving that aside there's a big difference between running into someone in the community or say sharing social media contact info with a current patient which would clearly violate most hospital's policies and procedures. In my home faculty it is clearly spelled out in P&P that we are not to establish business or personal relationships with former patients for two years after dc. And we can be terminated if HR discovers you are doing it.

 

I have been married to a man with severe mental health issues for a long time and while I love him dearly I honestly didn't sign up for most of  what we have been through.