The real reason I'm freaking out

[NewNurseAlert]

I feel an immense ammount of pressure, like I am going to crack. I am so tired of being evaluated ALL THE TIME. I live in small community, everyone wants to work at one spot, but the problem is there are not enough spots for everyone. Alot of people have to squeeze in and try for the best spots. Alot of people rely on people they know. I have never done that. I want to be known as reliable, honest, and hardworking.

When we work in our clinicals we really are interviewing for jobs. They watch what we do very closely and are friends with the instructors. Now we have been placed in units. We will be given a nurse to follow and learn from. Mine is a moody nurse who has worked at the hospital for 32 years. SHe helped train me as a secretary last year, it was a disaster pretty much (not my stregnth). I got placed in a surgical overflow unit in evenings, 3-11:30. THe problem is, I have children, school age, and I'm worried I will never see them. I'm married, but the father hasn't been as supportive as he could have been. This puts a strain on my schedule, life, everything. Mostly I am scared I will just screw up. I don't know if I really handle myself well under pressure. And I hate being watched, it makes me very nervous. I will shake and babble like an idiot. And if it doesn't go well I will cry for a day or two.

I think the pace will be good for me to handle, but am offened that I didn't get into a faster paced unit (funny, huh?)

Somebody got into the unit I wanted by using people they know, friend of a friend, that sort of thing. This person cheats on their tests and brown-noses the whole way. Day schedule. Young nurses. WOnder what to think. Just keep my head down, let what happens happen?

[MrazFan]

There are always going to be people who use connections or try to take the easy way around, in nursing school and outside of it. Just keep your head held high, and perservere. Nursing school and clinicals are TEMPORARY. Do the very best that you can while you're there and learn as much as possible, and don't worry about what others are or aren't doing. Do what you have to do to be successful. When you graduate and get your license you will have a little more control over where you will be working (granted, you probably won't get your dream job/shift etc. right away after graduating, but still).

As far as being pressured and hating being evaluated all the time, that's just how NS is. You're in good company because a lot of students feel the same way you do, but like I said, just get through it. After you graduate, you'll be glad you did.

[AirforceRN, RN]

I think everyone freaks out a little when they are watched...of course, some more than others. I tend to get a little nervous if I find out my patient is an exnurse...I'm sure many people do but that is part of nursing. Pts do (and should) watch everything you do, its their body afterall. I don't think you will ever completely get away from being evaluated.

As for the brown-nosers and connection seekers...it happens everywhere all the time. Its just the way the world works. Sure, its not fair...but life isn't fair. Take solace in the fact that although you didn't get your dream floor, an incompetent student won't survive on connections alone for ever. Eventually the good nurses stand out and are chosen on skill, not friendships.

[onetiredmomma]

Student nurses who cheat often can't pass boards. If they do pass, frequently they make career ending mistakes on the job. Work hard, learn lots and don't compromise your values! Good luck

[NewNurseAlert]

Thanks. My feelings are a little hurt because I feel I was not very well placed. A group of students were placed in a very advantageos unit, I was placed somewhat obscurely. I can't help but take it as a direct reflection of my performance thoughout the program. I have to find a way to just let it go, be happy for what comes along.

[Music in My Heart]

Is it a reflection on your performance?

I know that in our program they do consider your performance in classes in making assignments. Essentially, the better students get first choice if all other things are equal.

Work as hard as you can, learn as much as you can, and by all means, seek to foster good relationships with the folks in the hospital. In all industries and professions, knowing somebody on the inside will give you a leg up in the hiring process.

[truern]

When we work in our clinicals we really are interviewing for jobs.

I wish more student realized this....there have been new grads that applied to my floor before that were not hired because of the way they behaved during clinical on the same floor. Also, most hospitals ask for instuctor recommendations and an ethical instructor won't recommend a poorly performing student for employment.

None of which is pertinent to your post...I'm sorry, but that statement really caught my attention.

[NewNurseAlert]

I confided to my instructor that I had problems at home. I don't know if confided is the right word, I had a melt down. I've no doubt this cost me my shot in the more serious units. Now I am scared it cost me a good job here.

[missjennmb]

There's nothing you can do but move forward. You can't worry about what happens as a result of what you've done in the past, but all you can do is just act exemplary (and make sure they dont get the impression that you are not thrilled to be in that unit! regardless of your personal feelings) Act excited, be the first to jump in and help/learn/ask questions, dont ever wait to be asked, etc.

I had something similar happen last week (not a melt down, but I was pretty negative and generally annoyed with the world and I know that it showed). I think going back over that kind of thing just makes it worse.