That was fast

[Persephone Paige, ADN]

Many of you here know my story, so I won't go into a lot of back story. Suffice to say that I am finally employed on a busy Med-Surg floor and I'm overwhelmed, but grateful. I was in IPN for 3yrs, 4mos before I finally secured employment. Prior to now, I was refrained for the first year because I was the relapse queen (opiates) and they wanted to make sure I wasn't going to do a repeat. The BON had ordered IPN and an RN refresher. Once I began to seek out a refresher program I couldn't get into clinicals because of my background check. So, I put it on hold and applied for expungement, which was granted. Even then, the arrest still showed. I finally found an advocate in Kissimmee; 4 hours South of me. I made this drive on weekends, for a month. Got My license back a little over a year ago and spent a year getting rejected... Fast forward to now, I'm employed.

It's been 22 years since working at the bedside and now I'm there. The higher ups know everything about me. It's a trade off. They help me by giving me a place to work off my restrictions and I help them by doing my best. I'm slow, not because of my skills or even organization. I'm slow because of acclimating to computer charting, but even then I'm getting the hang of it. We have 6 guaranteed very sick patients, the only time we have less is if we get a discharge.

I'm three weeks into my clinical orientation. Each week I up my patient load by one, next week I'll have four. It's hard, but I'm doing it slowly. My preceptor is amazing, very knowledgeable. She's patient, has great critical thinking skills and she's perfect for me. I'm learning a lot and if I get hung up, she's right there.

Yesterday I clock in and she says to me, "You're going to be with X today." I've been away from the bedside for 22 years, but I know what that means. They are short and this particular "charge nurse" has 4 days left. She wants an easy 4 days, but she's got to take patients today because I guess a bunch of people called in sick? Idk... not my problem. So she and the night charge nurse cook up a plan where I am pulled from my preceptor to take half of her patients. She's got three patients, she's charge nurse and she's going to precept me? GTFOH... At first, I'm shocked and I just say NO. I am not a pushover. Then, I kinda calm down and tell my preceptor that if this lady thinks she's going to saddle me with her patients on my orientation, she crazy. Never the less, I make my way down there. I say to myself, "SELF, we're gonna see how this goes." I have to disclose to a known gossip that I am in IPN because if she's paired with me, she's gonna have to give my narcs. She's leaving in 4 days so she's got no incentive to keep her mouth shut. I get report on my three, one of them which is crazy as a loon and screaming constantly. Which is fine, he's sick. After report on my three patients, I walk away. I'm not listening to report on her three. After report, said preceptor/charge nurse disappears. I review my patient's charts. I go to sign in to pull morning meds and I can't get in. As I'm standing in the med room about to cry, I say screw you *****. And I go to the manager for the day and tell her what happened.

She was livid! These ******* had absolutely NO authority to do what they did. It came to a confrontation between all three of us. I sure am glad she's leaving... Anyway, the super saw it for what it was. Let's push the new girl around, she wants to be liked, she'll be compliant. As it was unfolding, this charge nurse was going scarlet. It was obvious to me that she was still trying to override my schedule for her own purposes. AND because of it, a whole new set of people are privy to my IPN status before I've had the opportunity to prove myself as a slow, but competent nurse. I have confidence that I will get faster, so I'm not going to beat myself up for being slow right now.

When stuff like this happens, I'm angry, obviously. But, there's a very small ( well, maybe not so small ) part of me that says, 'I hope you think I'm in IPN for being completely psycho.' My supervisors, managers know who/what I am. I am so not a shrinking violet. I have been through too much to roll over and ever take **** again. The only **** I'm willing to take is from my patients. For some reason it never bothers me when they say and do mean stuff. But another nurse.... NOT.

It feels good to stick up for myself, but that was fast. I assumed I'd be there at least 6 mos before I had to start deflecting manipulation, conniving, etc... I made it though! Next week I take on four patients, wish me luck!

[Rdsrn]

Good for you sticking up for yourself! Thats one of the reasons that got me where im at. Too afraid to tell people no. I mean dont get me wrong i take responsibility but i know now that i need to work on setting boundaries. Thats awesome, Congrats on your job and sobriety!

[Persephone Paige, ADN]

Good for you sticking up for yourself! Thats one of the reasons that got me where im at. Too afraid to tell people no. I mean dont get me wrong i take responsibility but i know now that i need to work on setting boundaries. Thats awesome, Congrats on your job and sobriety!

Thanks! I've lost my filter with all these years off. I have to remember that I can't say, F*** you!" I am always afraid I will. Practicing restraint of pen and tongue...