I am an lpn working becoming an rn, Anyway I do pediatric home care- long story short I actually have a lot of pediatric experience and I enjoy doing this but the one case I am on is not very good for me for to be there too much for emotional (social services is on the case) and health reasons - I have asthma and they have a cat and they smoke. So the mom was on me about the schedule because of school I am only doing one shift this month - between school and my husbands schedule I couldn't fit in any other shifts. SO THEN....she says...I CANT WAIT TILL YOU GRADUATE AND I GET YOU FULL TIME...UH... how do I tell her or have the nursing company tell her that not only will I be working other cases (I already work several others now) - like vent cases that I have trained for and am not working now (GRRRR) but I plan on getting another job- hopefully at the childrens hospital locally if they will have me and if not, then at the local hospital until the childrens hospital will hire me. Yikes and that will probably not be soon enough!! Oh and I want most of the summer off to be with MY kids!! LOL!! And yes when they are back in school I will be working but one of the reasons I work home care is for a flexible job that works around my husbands schedule and my kids etc. but I don't want to work this case full time, I don't want to work any one case full time but especially this case! Maybe one day a week.....I know she likes me a lot, and I have had nursing myself for my own child so I think that she really trusts me because of that. A lot of the nurses try to boss her around and I don't, she doesn't have much education but she knows her stuff when it comes to her child and I know that. ANY way....I need some advice on how to best tell her that I will not be doing THAT much time on her case - she actually thinks that hers is the only case that I do??? When I mention other cases, she freaks....and I have told her that I actually started on her case as a fill in and that I was on two other cases! She has actually told me to tell the nursing company they are NOT allowed to put me on any other cases? and even when I have tried to explain that sometimes when I am on another case, it is when I wouldnt have even fit into her schedule, she can't even hear it...it is like she thinks I am CHEATING on her???!
Anyway...I guess I can sort of let the nursing company do it but this woman is very bossy when it comes to the scheduling and has been known to do her own schedule and turn it in to the nursing company and what I am afraid of happening is her trying to pin me down to a lot of days and then doing her own schedule...and we have been told by the nursing company we are NOT allowed to do this but some nurses still do it?? I always tell her I don't have my schedule and my husbands schedule on me and I have to check at home. I am not good at saying no and am getting better but I really was taken back yesterday when I heard her say that she thought I would be working for her full time!! Anyway I appreciate any feedback on ways to tell her that I will be working other cases and I will not be working her case full time.
Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.
Wow- agree that you shouldn't engage in trash talking if that's what she'd be likely to do!! You are really showing remarkable patience with this mom! She sounds (ok, yeah, I know I don't know her but. . .) very immature. Since you've already set boundaries with the gossip and the scheduling, it won't be a total shock to her. It's pretty disappointing that in her anger she might actually give you a bad review when you've only had in mind what is best for her and her child.
You have a family of your own, a bright future and personal experience with your own little angel :) going for you. You will move on, and hopefully she will understand. There are nurses I know who keep up with former families with Christmas cards and birth announcements. I would do that, if there was an amicable parting of ways.
Specializes in Home Care, Peds, Public Health, DD Health.
well I dont know if she will give me a bad review...but so so many nurses have come and gone on this case but she seems the type that if she doesnt get her way she can get revengeful. She has tried to tell me the reasons for why nurses were removed from the case but like I said I have just cut her off and told that was between her and them, I dont want to know or spread gossip. When I started the first thing she told me about was how a story about a nurse that I wont repeat because the nature of it was shocking and she told it to everyone that entered the house including the nursing supervisor and the new nursing supervisor but there had been an investigation and was found to be unfounded...so this could be devastating to the nurse in question, so this is why I cut off these stories. This is a case where I am learning a LOT of lessons.
But then again, I dont know for sure, she does like me so if I set the boundaries and i just say this is what I am available, perhaps she will agree to it. I am just learning to have to say no too. I think I want to do it all and that is where I am really getting better now myself, I have learned this year not to say yes to shifts I dont want to do, I have learned to not listen to things I dont want to hear, I have learned to say no to things that just arent right. I have become a stronger person. I guess before this I was a pretty sheltered person.
And I know what you mean about the families you keep in contact with. My son that had nursing care passed away. A few of my very best friends came out of the nurses that had cared for him. I will never forget them. We do more than exchange cards. And I do have other cases that I exchange christmas cards with. I consider them very special kids and families too. And I guess I figured that is what I always thought that was what home care would be about.
Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.
I'm so very sorry to hear about your son, anangelsmommy. My little bro had leukemia, he is OK now, but a few of those nurses on 4 West became very close to us and actually are the reason I became a nurse. My first job was at that hospital. God bless you. :redbeathe
Specializes in Home Care, Peds, Public Health, DD Health.
thanks, nursel56. He is why I am a nurse now too. That is why this mom likes me. I came in with experience and she knew it. She knows about my son and she trusts me cause she knows that I have been through a lot with my son, plus I give her the credit of knowing what she knows. I also tell her she is the boss, cause she is. It is her child.
so on another note...you got your FIRST job at a hospital...was it a childrens hospital??? I am hoping when I graduate with my RN to get a job at a childrens hospital that is near here but not sure if they will hire me without med surg experience. I have the peds....I do have a LOT of experience with the type of kids I would be working with- multi handicapped - neuro patients....etc. just not sure if they would want me to get some general med surg first somewhere else.
I've just one additional suggestion to add to what the voices of experience have already offered, angelsmommy. In addition to being direct, you'll benefit by being both brief and concise when you speak with this MunschMommy to set her straight re: her assumptions.
Your posts indicate you have a tendency to want to over-explain things, which manipulators can easily spot as an indicator of someone who lacks confidence (i.e. the harder you try to justify your decisions/actions, the less likely you are to stick with them.)
As much as you like your patient, you really don't owe the Mom any explanations as to why you won't be coming on full-time beyond a general statement that working exclusively with one client doesn't fit with your professional and personal plans. Every detailed reason you tell her beyond that is an invitation for her to convince you why your reasons aren't valid.
I'm a little hesitant about using your asthma as your sole reason for leaving. While it is the truth, if you haven't mentioned before now that the presence of smokers and the cat in that house make breathing difficult, it could sound like a made-up excuse.
Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.
=anangelsmommy. . . ..so on another note...you got your FIRST job at a hospital...was it a childrens hospital??? I am hoping when I graduate with my RN to get a job at a childrens hospital that is near here but not sure if they will hire me without med surg experience. I have the peds....I do have a LOT of experience with the type of kids I would be working with- multi handicapped - neuro patients....etc. just not sure if they would want me to get some general med surg first somewhere else.
Yes, it was and I'll send you a PM about all the details.
Specializes in Home Care, Peds, Public Health, DD Health.
ooh boy you got me there...over explainer yup thats me!! I think I feel obligated to explain but that opens it up for her to try to talk me out of it. I definately dont want to share with her that I am applying at other places because I dont really want to share that with my company until I do it. But I can just see it now, she will try to pin me down - if I graduate in may and I am not on her schedule the following week (despite boards) she will say "I thought you told me you were going to be available full time after you graduated!" You guys are all right, I dont owe her anything, But she will expect the world from me, The company pays me, not her, and I do my job. I dont know why I feel this obligation. But this is why I love allnurses, it gives me a chance to work all this out BEFORE I go there and get all tongue tied! I think the worst part was hearing her saying it at the end of the night as I am getting ready to walk out the door....hard to process at midnight...WHAT? so I have some time now to talk to my scheduler, talk to my supervisor and then the next time this comes up and it will, this time I will feel ready with a response and not so off guard. so Now I feel ready to talk to her about it at least. The funny thing is, the more I think about it, some of the other basic scheduling problems still havent changed for me anyway...my kids, my husbands crazy job, the shift hours dont fit with these previously noted things, a 45 min drive on a good day, etc. so many things that will still make being able to schedule shifts on this case difficult anyway. so there is the starting point anyway, honest and to the point and then we will just have to see where it goes. I also plan on applying to another home care company too that I know has several cases right in my home town.
Specializes in med-surg, teaching, cardiac, priv. duty.
You may want to check out the private duty forum. You can find a variety of posts about the "issues" nurses have with families in private duty. Things can get complicated and frustrating... so you are not alone with your problems. Some general remarks: At times it may seem cold-hearted, but keeping a FIRM professional boundary with these families is a must. If you give an inch, they will take a mile. Many of these families seem to become experts at manipulating the nurses. As nurses, our instinct is to help and be there for people... but the nurse getting sucked into the dysfunction only makes the situation WORSE.
nursel56
7,122 Posts
Wow- agree that you shouldn't engage in trash talking if that's what she'd be likely to do!!
You are really showing remarkable patience with this mom! She sounds (ok, yeah, I know I don't know her but. . .) very immature. Since you've already set boundaries with the gossip and the scheduling, it won't be a total shock to her. It's pretty disappointing that in her anger she might actually give you a bad review when you've only had in mind what is best for her and her child.
You have a family of your own, a bright future and personal experience with your own little angel :) going for you. You will move on, and hopefully she will understand. There are nurses I know who keep up with former families with Christmas cards and birth announcements. I would do that, if there was an amicable parting of ways.