Teenage twin girls

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Hi Everyone....

I am running into some serious problems at home while trying to juggle the work...school, single mom thing. I waited until my twins were older to return to school. They are now 14.......aaahhhhhgggggg!!! If I survive the teenage years it will truly be a miracle. One minute they are so proud of me and the next minute they hate me. They say I have ruined thier lives by going back to school and that I only think of myself. One of the biggest reasons I went back to school is so I can afford to send them both to college. We have moved to a smaller home and are on a really tight buget while I am in school. I do work about 30 hours a week also. I feel so guilty that I am not with them more but I do try to spend special time with them as often as possible.......but they usually just act miserable being with me. I feel like the only time they are even remotely nice to me is when I am spending money on them. When I am out of money I am basically useless to them. I have just finished up my pre-req's and co-req's.......and applied to a two year ADN program. I can't give all this up.......yet I know they will only be young once. You know though....they were always laying a guilt trip on me even before I went back to school...... I geuss I am just rambling........would love to hear from other mothers of teenage girls. I have a 21 year old son and never had these problems with him. This situation just breaks my heart!:o

Specializes in Critical Care.

My daughter is 14 also, she is evil sometimes and nice othertimes. I don't feel guilty for the decisions I make, I try to make the best decisions for my family and if she doesn't like it well tough! Let her make her own decisions when she is 18 and moves out (yeah right, I should be so lucky, LOL). You don't owe your girls a college education, it is nice that you choose to do that for them but just know that teenagers are evil so make your decisions and don't feel like you have to justify why you do what you do. I guess my rule of thumb is "I'm the mother, that's why" .

I should mention that my 19 yr. old son has never given me any problems and I also choose to pay for their college education too. I just think teenage girls are evil and hopefully will outgrow that phase and become human again. Of course, I did give my daughter the mothers curse "May she have a child just like herself" hahahaha, you know that curse works too.

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Specializes in Critical Care.

My daughter is 14 also, she is evil sometimes and nice othertimes. I don't feel guilty for the decisions I make, I try to make the best decisions for my family and if she doesn't like it well tough! Let her make her own decisions when she is 18 and moves out (yeah right, I should be so lucky, LOL). You don't owe your girls a college education, it is nice that you choose to do that for them but just know that teenagers are evil so make your decisions and don't feel like you have to justify why you do what you do. I guess my rule of thumb is "I'm the mother, that's why" .

I should mention that my 19 yr. old son has never given me any problems and I also choose to pay for their college education too. I just think teenage girls are evil and hopefully will outgrow that phase and become human again. Of course, I did give my daughter the mothers curse "May she have a child just like herself" hahahaha, you know that curse works too.

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Specializes in Peds, Pre and post op.

Weird my 17 year old brother is nothing but problems. He knocks holes in the walls, yells, hits everyone and is just plain a pain in the booty. I'm 21 and yes, I'm female, yes I have mood swings, and fight with my mom once in awhile but mostly we get along and I help her (I'm a full time RN student who usually works, but not this semester). So not all daughters are bad, and not all sons are good. Well now that I got that outta me.....

Take the booger heads to Marshalls, and agree to pay X amount of money X times a year. This way they get to budget thier clothes spending. Or just make them get babysitting jobs and buy thier own stuff (I wish I could hve had that option when I was 14 but I lived in a very rural area so til I got my license to drive I couldnt work regularly, but I did garden for others sometimes). When they are old enough for a work permit tell them to work during the summer to pay their own way. Once they have thier own jobs they will aprreciate money and realize that it doesnt grow on trees (or magically appear in Mom's wallet).

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Specializes in Peds, Pre and post op.

Weird my 17 year old brother is nothing but problems. He knocks holes in the walls, yells, hits everyone and is just plain a pain in the booty. I'm 21 and yes, I'm female, yes I have mood swings, and fight with my mom once in awhile but mostly we get along and I help her (I'm a full time RN student who usually works, but not this semester). So not all daughters are bad, and not all sons are good. Well now that I got that outta me.....

Take the booger heads to Marshalls, and agree to pay X amount of money X times a year. This way they get to budget thier clothes spending. Or just make them get babysitting jobs and buy thier own stuff (I wish I could hve had that option when I was 14 but I lived in a very rural area so til I got my license to drive I couldnt work regularly, but I did garden for others sometimes). When they are old enough for a work permit tell them to work during the summer to pay their own way. Once they have thier own jobs they will aprreciate money and realize that it doesnt grow on trees (or magically appear in Mom's wallet).

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Sounds pretty normal teenage stuff to me -- it's all about them. You need to sit down with them, stop overexplaining, stop feeling guilty -- and tell them that although you love them very much, you are determined to become a nurse. Then tell them what you expect of them to help you while you are in school & working -- I'm talking chores. Hang in there, financially, things will get better. And if the kids whine about money, tell them that they need to start pulling their own weight and babysit, etc. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IMPROVING YOURSELF -- you are a ROLE MODEL to these girls -- whether they think so or not.

If they continue to complain that you are ruining their lives, you can tell them how you wish you had become a nurse years ago, that it's much more challenging to balance family/work/school -- and that they should begin to think of their college/career plans. How richer (intellectually, emotionally, and academically) their lives will be with a college education before they get married, start families, etc. Turn this around ... and stop feeling guilty & overexplaining. You own your life. You are also a great mom.

I have three teenagers -- it's challenging. But you need to set the rules. I spent many years overexplaining things to my kids -- then I remember my mom's words of wisdom -- "too bad." Now, when I say it -- I don't elaborate -- and the kids know that's it.

You will make it -- hang in there.

Sue

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Sounds pretty normal teenage stuff to me -- it's all about them. You need to sit down with them, stop overexplaining, stop feeling guilty -- and tell them that although you love them very much, you are determined to become a nurse. Then tell them what you expect of them to help you while you are in school & working -- I'm talking chores. Hang in there, financially, things will get better. And if the kids whine about money, tell them that they need to start pulling their own weight and babysit, etc. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IMPROVING YOURSELF -- you are a ROLE MODEL to these girls -- whether they think so or not.

If they continue to complain that you are ruining their lives, you can tell them how you wish you had become a nurse years ago, that it's much more challenging to balance family/work/school -- and that they should begin to think of their college/career plans. How richer (intellectually, emotionally, and academically) their lives will be with a college education before they get married, start families, etc. Turn this around ... and stop feeling guilty & overexplaining. You own your life. You are also a great mom.

I have three teenagers -- it's challenging. But you need to set the rules. I spent many years overexplaining things to my kids -- then I remember my mom's words of wisdom -- "too bad." Now, when I say it -- I don't elaborate -- and the kids know that's it.

You will make it -- hang in there.

Sue

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You are all so awesome.....I truly do appreciate all of your support and words of wisdom!! I know this is all normal teenage stuff......I just keep telling myself "this too shall pass".

I do try to spend individual time with each of them. One of them spent the night at her friends last night and her sister and I had a great time together. They have been asking me to take them down and get work permits.....I think that will help quite a bit and will show them how to be responsible with money. Whew.....I feel better already.....Thanks again :)

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You are all so awesome.....I truly do appreciate all of your support and words of wisdom!! I know this is all normal teenage stuff......I just keep telling myself "this too shall pass".

I do try to spend individual time with each of them. One of them spent the night at her friends last night and her sister and I had a great time together. They have been asking me to take them down and get work permits.....I think that will help quite a bit and will show them how to be responsible with money. Whew.....I feel better already.....Thanks again :)

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